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Another letter from father!-- not opening this one!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 622053" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Beautiful posts Cedar and COM.</p><p></p><p>Relationships get so traumatized by difficult child's. Cedar, you and husband have survived so much together and what a tribute to both of you that you are still together and still in love. And, COM, your parents survived as well, and it sounds as if they make sure they carve that time out for each other.</p><p></p><p>BITS, I'm glad you finished your kitchen, that must feel like quite the accomplishment! I'm sorry you and your husband are experiencing difficulties. You have so much on your plate right now, I so hope you are getting support.</p><p></p><p>Years ago I learned a technique which you may find helpful. I call it resentments and appreciations. You take turns saying anything that comes to mind that you resent, small or large, however, the other person doesn't get to speak, to justify, to explain, to reason it out, he/she just receives the information. You have to be willing to be really present because the strong desire to defend will come up............... then the other person does it...........back and forth. The object is to empty yourself of your resentments. It may be wise to start small. Once it comes to a natural end, then you start with what you appreciate.............same thing, large or small, whatever feels right. Because what happens is that once you empty yourself of the resentments, the appreciation is the natural result. It works if both parties do NOT respond. No defending. Just hearing what the other says. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I thought I'd just offer that up..........it has helped me many times. It can get to the "stuff" that builds up in all relationships that we don't communicate. It can bring back intimacy. </p><p></p><p>I hope you are feeling better today BITS. Take good care of yourself now. Hoping that comfort and peace find you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 622053, member: 13542"] Beautiful posts Cedar and COM. Relationships get so traumatized by difficult child's. Cedar, you and husband have survived so much together and what a tribute to both of you that you are still together and still in love. And, COM, your parents survived as well, and it sounds as if they make sure they carve that time out for each other. BITS, I'm glad you finished your kitchen, that must feel like quite the accomplishment! I'm sorry you and your husband are experiencing difficulties. You have so much on your plate right now, I so hope you are getting support. Years ago I learned a technique which you may find helpful. I call it resentments and appreciations. You take turns saying anything that comes to mind that you resent, small or large, however, the other person doesn't get to speak, to justify, to explain, to reason it out, he/she just receives the information. You have to be willing to be really present because the strong desire to defend will come up............... then the other person does it...........back and forth. The object is to empty yourself of your resentments. It may be wise to start small. Once it comes to a natural end, then you start with what you appreciate.............same thing, large or small, whatever feels right. Because what happens is that once you empty yourself of the resentments, the appreciation is the natural result. It works if both parties do NOT respond. No defending. Just hearing what the other says. Anyway, I thought I'd just offer that up..........it has helped me many times. It can get to the "stuff" that builds up in all relationships that we don't communicate. It can bring back intimacy. I hope you are feeling better today BITS. Take good care of yourself now. Hoping that comfort and peace find you. [/QUOTE]
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