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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 739833" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Oh Leafy, I'm so sorry she couldn't send a letter of truth and love. Reading your post about what she wrote was daja-vu for me. Over the years, the different times my son has bee in jail, I have received similar letters telling me how it's all my fault his life is a mess, how I was never there for him, blah, blah, blah!!</p><p></p><p>I truly feel that when our children lash out us like this, they are operating on emotions of self hatred. They hate how their life has turned out and it's much easier to blame us than it is to own up to their own choices. I think it's a mixture of pride and the drugs/alcohol that keep them from looking inward. If they look inward they will see the truth, the truth that we as the parents have spoken to them many times over the years. It would mean they would have to admit we were right and they were wrong. Their pride will hold them back. The drugs/alcohol will continue to reinforce the lies to them.</p><p></p><p>Our children want to dictate to us how we should love them, how we should enable them. We as the parents have to stand firm with our boundaries and not waiver. Our love for them does not stop and is unconditional. They do not see that. What is conditional is how we allow them to treat us. They do not know how to separate the two.</p><p></p><p>It's my hope and prayer for all of our adult children that have gone down a dark path that they will come to a fork in the path and see a light that will bring them out of the darkness they live in.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 739833, member: 18516"] Oh Leafy, I'm so sorry she couldn't send a letter of truth and love. Reading your post about what she wrote was daja-vu for me. Over the years, the different times my son has bee in jail, I have received similar letters telling me how it's all my fault his life is a mess, how I was never there for him, blah, blah, blah!! I truly feel that when our children lash out us like this, they are operating on emotions of self hatred. They hate how their life has turned out and it's much easier to blame us than it is to own up to their own choices. I think it's a mixture of pride and the drugs/alcohol that keep them from looking inward. If they look inward they will see the truth, the truth that we as the parents have spoken to them many times over the years. It would mean they would have to admit we were right and they were wrong. Their pride will hold them back. The drugs/alcohol will continue to reinforce the lies to them. Our children want to dictate to us how we should love them, how we should enable them. We as the parents have to stand firm with our boundaries and not waiver. Our love for them does not stop and is unconditional. They do not see that. What is conditional is how we allow them to treat us. They do not know how to separate the two. It's my hope and prayer for all of our adult children that have gone down a dark path that they will come to a fork in the path and see a light that will bring them out of the darkness they live in. ((HUGS)) to you!!!! [/QUOTE]
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