Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Another rough day...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 649671" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Lil, no matter how any of us look at it, it's hard. It's the hardest thing any of us will EVER DO. Of course you want to give him food, of course you want to help him just this one time. It takes time to learn that most of the time, helping them at all, does not help them at all. All of this goes against all our natural instincts as mothers to nurture, love, protect and support. That makes it so hard. But our kids are not the typical kids who thrive amidst that environment......our kids are off the rails and we have to learn a very different approach to push them into learning the skill set that will enable them to take care of themselves. If we continue to show up each and every time when they need something, they will not learn and it will be to their detriment. So, for a little while, we have to bite the bullet, we have to move through our own desire, (and sometimes deep need) to help them so that they can (possibly, hopefully) grow into adults who can take care of themselves. And truthfully, sometimes they don't.</p><p></p><p>It's very hard Lil, very hard. When I first heard that I needed to detach and let my daughter face the consequences of her own choices, my reaction was, "I am her mother, I am not going to allow that, there is something very wrong with that thinking." Well, inch by inch, I began realizing that MAYBE, just maybe, those therapists, those other mothers, those books, those 12 step groups, were correct. And, it was then that it began to turn around, as I let go and allowed my daughter to face her own consequences. Like many of us here, I learned that she did not starve, that she did not die, she did not wither away without my help, she found a different way. Her way.</p><p></p><p>There isn't any right or wrong way Lil. We all have to do what we have to do as long as we have to do it. We're all just trying to offer our experience so that perhaps, you won't make the mistakes we did......we're just trying to ease your pain, comfort you, make it a tad easier for you......because each of us here knows just how hard this really is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 649671, member: 13542"] Lil, no matter how any of us look at it, it's hard. It's the hardest thing any of us will EVER DO. Of course you want to give him food, of course you want to help him just this one time. It takes time to learn that most of the time, helping them at all, does not help them at all. All of this goes against all our natural instincts as mothers to nurture, love, protect and support. That makes it so hard. But our kids are not the typical kids who thrive amidst that environment......our kids are off the rails and we have to learn a very different approach to push them into learning the skill set that will enable them to take care of themselves. If we continue to show up each and every time when they need something, they will not learn and it will be to their detriment. So, for a little while, we have to bite the bullet, we have to move through our own desire, (and sometimes deep need) to help them so that they can (possibly, hopefully) grow into adults who can take care of themselves. And truthfully, sometimes they don't. It's very hard Lil, very hard. When I first heard that I needed to detach and let my daughter face the consequences of her own choices, my reaction was, "I am her mother, I am not going to allow that, there is something very wrong with that thinking." Well, inch by inch, I began realizing that MAYBE, just maybe, those therapists, those other mothers, those books, those 12 step groups, were correct. And, it was then that it began to turn around, as I let go and allowed my daughter to face her own consequences. Like many of us here, I learned that she did not starve, that she did not die, she did not wither away without my help, she found a different way. Her way. There isn't any right or wrong way Lil. We all have to do what we have to do as long as we have to do it. We're all just trying to offer our experience so that perhaps, you won't make the mistakes we did......we're just trying to ease your pain, comfort you, make it a tad easier for you......because each of us here knows just how hard this really is. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Another rough day...
Top