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Another rough day...
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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 649690" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>Ahhh, gee. The things that crack me up are scary. This did.</p><p></p><p>Lil, I probably told you this before. I follow your story and read how folks reason with you to get you to non-enabling. Fifteen years ago, ten years ago, five years ago, I would have received the <strong>very same advice</strong>. The thing is, I did not find this board until husband and I were totally sick and tired of helping a 32 yo Difficult Child---who was still <em>asking</em> (in his case, demanding) help. husband and I thought we were "doing good". We never bailed him out of jail and hey, isn't that huge??? What we did not see was that we were still enabling, big time, by the "little" things (in our minds) that we were doing.</p><p></p><p>I love Albatross's post. I laughed so hard and husband did too when I shared it. The sad thing is ...well, the sad thing is, it does not linearly happen like that, just as she said.</p><p></p><p>But, enabling sure did not work for our son, either.</p><p></p><p>It is just so blankety-blank difficult, as a mom. Like your Jabber, my husband backed away from enabling years before I came around. I thought husband was just a tad....non-caring, heartless, even.</p><p></p><p>All this meandering post means, is...I hope it does not go for you as it did for me. If your story with your son is anything like mine (and it may not be ANYthing like mine!!!), better to get it now... husband's and my relationship with our Difficult Son was much more <strong>contentious</strong> (nice word for what we experienced) than yours, so I do not know how it will go with you and your son.</p><p></p><p>I only want to warn you...it might behoove you to back away now. Do not end up with a 32/33yo son who still expects you to fix things. It's not pretty and certainly not good for any involved.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 649690, member: 17635"] Ahhh, gee. The things that crack me up are scary. This did. Lil, I probably told you this before. I follow your story and read how folks reason with you to get you to non-enabling. Fifteen years ago, ten years ago, five years ago, I would have received the [B]very same advice[/B]. The thing is, I did not find this board until husband and I were totally sick and tired of helping a 32 yo Difficult Child---who was still [I]asking[/I] (in his case, demanding) help. husband and I thought we were "doing good". We never bailed him out of jail and hey, isn't that huge??? What we did not see was that we were still enabling, big time, by the "little" things (in our minds) that we were doing. I love Albatross's post. I laughed so hard and husband did too when I shared it. The sad thing is ...well, the sad thing is, it does not linearly happen like that, just as she said. But, enabling sure did not work for our son, either. It is just so blankety-blank difficult, as a mom. Like your Jabber, my husband backed away from enabling years before I came around. I thought husband was just a tad....non-caring, heartless, even. All this meandering post means, is...I hope it does not go for you as it did for me. If your story with your son is anything like mine (and it may not be ANYthing like mine!!!), better to get it now... husband's and my relationship with our Difficult Son was much more [B]contentious[/B] (nice word for what we experienced) than yours, so I do not know how it will go with you and your son. I only want to warn you...it might behoove you to back away now. Do not end up with a 32/33yo son who still expects you to fix things. It's not pretty and certainly not good for any involved. [/QUOTE]
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