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Another rough day...
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 649724" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I don't think you were "listening". I didn't say <em><strong>I</strong></em> could change him. I said <strong><em>HE</em></strong> could change. That's a very different thing.</p><p> </p><p>He can. He may not want to. He may never do so. But he CAN. You know how I know? Because no matter what genes he got from his biological father, HE'S HALF MINE TOO.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>While I understand where you are coming from...I have to admit this offended me.</p><p> </p><p>#1, I didn't ASK my husband to take on my child. In fact, he suggested adopting long before it happened. HE did that. Not me. I would NEVER have suggested it. It isn't as though HE has supported MY son. WE have supported OUR son. HE adopted him. His idea. His choice. His child. End of discussion. #2, Not that it matters, since all our accounts and all our bills are joint - I make somewhat more money than he does! I am not supported by my husband...any more than he's supported by me. When the time comes to support and do things for his parents...don't think I'll bat an eye. Because his responsibility is MY responsibility.</p><p> </p><p>My husband is the finest, most honorable man I know. I thank God every day that I have him. But I don't OWE him for coming into my life any more than he owes me! So basically, playing the "Oh poor Jabber taking on all this" just ticks me off.</p><p> </p><p>That being said, I DO understand the math. I fully understand that every penny we give him - WE not Jabber - is money WE don't have for ourselves. Don't think I wasn't angry as all get out at his "stealing from you isn't as bad because you have money" attitude. We're working right now on a plan to pay down some debt...which actually increased our student loan payments and lowered our disposable income...so yes, every $285. we spend on him is money we can't pay off a credit card with...can't save for retirement and can't use for fun. This isn't a new concept.</p><p> </p><p>So while I admit your reasoning is sound...making it sound like I'm somehow taking advantage of my husband just makes me mad. </p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I have to agree - it's looking like this to me. We don't hear anything to speak of for days....even a week or so. Then last week it was taking his friend to the ER. Then it was the water leak thing at the apartment. Then this. It seems that if we say yes to anything the floodgates open. Of course, now he doesn't come right out and ask...instead he just complains about things. He doesn't say, "I've run out of food and I was wondering if you have anything you could let me have to tide me over until Monday?" Instead he cries about how he's hungry and scared and doesn't know what to do. I guess this is what we get for telling him not to ask.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>This is again, one of those threads I'm starting to regret starting. I'd kind of like people to recognize that, even though it didn't and still doesn't feel like the right thing to do...I DIDN'T give him anything!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 649724, member: 17309"] I don't think you were "listening". I didn't say [I][B]I[/B][/I] could change him. I said [B][I]HE[/I][/B] could change. That's a very different thing. He can. He may not want to. He may never do so. But he CAN. You know how I know? Because no matter what genes he got from his biological father, HE'S HALF MINE TOO. While I understand where you are coming from...I have to admit this offended me. #1, I didn't ASK my husband to take on my child. In fact, he suggested adopting long before it happened. HE did that. Not me. I would NEVER have suggested it. It isn't as though HE has supported MY son. WE have supported OUR son. HE adopted him. His idea. His choice. His child. End of discussion. #2, Not that it matters, since all our accounts and all our bills are joint - I make somewhat more money than he does! I am not supported by my husband...any more than he's supported by me. When the time comes to support and do things for his parents...don't think I'll bat an eye. Because his responsibility is MY responsibility. My husband is the finest, most honorable man I know. I thank God every day that I have him. But I don't OWE him for coming into my life any more than he owes me! So basically, playing the "Oh poor Jabber taking on all this" just ticks me off. That being said, I DO understand the math. I fully understand that every penny we give him - WE not Jabber - is money WE don't have for ourselves. Don't think I wasn't angry as all get out at his "stealing from you isn't as bad because you have money" attitude. We're working right now on a plan to pay down some debt...which actually increased our student loan payments and lowered our disposable income...so yes, every $285. we spend on him is money we can't pay off a credit card with...can't save for retirement and can't use for fun. This isn't a new concept. So while I admit your reasoning is sound...making it sound like I'm somehow taking advantage of my husband just makes me mad. I have to agree - it's looking like this to me. We don't hear anything to speak of for days....even a week or so. Then last week it was taking his friend to the ER. Then it was the water leak thing at the apartment. Then this. It seems that if we say yes to anything the floodgates open. Of course, now he doesn't come right out and ask...instead he just complains about things. He doesn't say, "I've run out of food and I was wondering if you have anything you could let me have to tide me over until Monday?" Instead he cries about how he's hungry and scared and doesn't know what to do. I guess this is what we get for telling him not to ask. *** This is again, one of those threads I'm starting to regret starting. I'd kind of like people to recognize that, even though it didn't and still doesn't feel like the right thing to do...I DIDN'T give him anything! [/QUOTE]
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