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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620107" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you MWM, yes, many of us have come far..........and yes, there is a lot of grieving before reaching acceptance.........</p><p></p><p>COM, that isolation you speak of is, in my opinion, indeed part of journey. My experience was that as I was making all those internal changes, my external reality began to look very different to me. Many things fell away on their own which started the descent............and many choices I made kept the changes coming at times fast and furious, at other times slow and drawn out. I cried a lot. I was grieving the losses of my former life. I was not really prepared for being 'out there' I felt too raw, vulnerable and as if I didn't even know who I was anymore. Rarely was anyone else able to empathize with me, or understand and in truth, I could not even articulate what was happening to me. The losses were tremendous, as if every part of my life was being turned upside down. I recall telling friends that I was on my knees for years and when I would try to stand up, something would knock me back down again. It was really quite difficult.</p><p></p><p>Over the course of time, I made some very difficult decisions about those I wanted to be around........I changed careers at the time after the loss of my own business............a long term relationship ended.........my father died............I left my home which had been my sanctuary.............I let go of friends, actually that went on for a long time, I just couldn't relate to some people anymore. As I progressed through and started to develop my new and improved and oh so much healthier self...........I made hard choices about closer friends, friends who have been close to my heart for years...........but I wanted more intimacy, more depth, more love and connection..........and some people are on their own journeys and it no longer matched or was able to be connected to mine. I think the important factor for me was that my values changed, I started seeing things very differently, my willingness to be harmed, in any way at all became impossible, my love for myself would not allow that.............that alone changes everything. The big moment came when I had to let go of my daughter..........holy moly................ having gone through these stages over time made that possible. </p><p></p><p>I think the isolation is necessary as we forge an entirely different Self..........it's work, it's a real commitment to one's self, for me, it made sense because as you described, I had glimpses of that freedom, that peace, that acceptance and what that meant in terms of how I felt or feel on a daily basis and the difference is astonishing. As you said, " I wanted more of that." </p><p></p><p> I read a lot of spiritual books, old and new, which helped....... many call this process "the dark night of the soul." One way of looking at it is the release of fear...........the recognition that we are all connected...............the realization that love is the profound thread which holds us all together............and that often watching the news, reading the newspaper, the usual reality within which we live, ceases to have any real meaning, what becomes meaningful is love..............opening one's heart and looking at how one can be of service, not in an enabling way, but truly, with a generosity of spirit............and yet also being able to receive love..........so that the energy is flowing............my understanding is that we are part of a universal support system where, without our egos, our self serving ways, our comparisons and fears and judgments and attachments...........we could be helping one another............but we can't evolve into that when our internal system is all about control and acquisition. That is what goes overboard in these stages...........our fears............little by little fear ceases to have that hold on us, the need to control diminishes..........I believe what we are left with is a soft and caring, profound sense of love of our self, and from that point, everything changes..............as in the quote by Rumi, "there is a field where there is no right thinking and wrong thinking, I'll meet you there." I wanted to live in that field, that was my intention. I studied a lot of Buddhist and other spiritual traditions which gives you a guiding light through. It all sounds so mystical, and I guess it is, but my belief was that I could marry spirit with what goes on here on planet earth and that was what propelled me forward. </p><p></p><p>If you can get your hands on the Course of Miracles Teachers Manual and check out the part which gives the "teachers lessons" the first one is trust and the page or so which describes what that is about, pretty much describes what happened to me and what I think is what happens to all of us when we make that internal intention to be on this path..........however we do that. I read so many books and searched high and low for answers and understanding.........and they're out there once you look. As the saying goes, "once the student is ready the teacher appears" I can't tell you how many times I was struck by being offered something which I so needed at the time............I believe in guidance and intuition and listening to our inner voice...............I believe in "following the clues" that life presents us with.............I do not believe in coincidences or random occurrences which happen for no reason..........I am not saying I am right, I am saying that is my belief. We all get to decide what we want to believe in.</p><p></p><p>Yes, there is pain, but the pain, in my opinion, is in our holding on, our suffering over our losses, what we believe we can't live without, our kids, our money, our home, our careers, usually, in my experience, what we go through losing, is what we were most attached to. Buddha said, what causes suffering is our attachments. It isn't that we can't have what we want, it's that we might want to learn to let go of that tight, controlling, death grip on them. We have to be willing to let go. It's all about letting go. And, man, it's one helluva ride. </p><p></p><p>I hope that makes sense COM. I am here to offer any help I can, it is most definitely a part of my journey to be of service, here and wherever I can. These are my beliefs, my journey, in no way am I pushing an agenda here, this has simply been my experience and what I believe to be true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620107, member: 13542"] Thank you MWM, yes, many of us have come far..........and yes, there is a lot of grieving before reaching acceptance......... COM, that isolation you speak of is, in my opinion, indeed part of journey. My experience was that as I was making all those internal changes, my external reality began to look very different to me. Many things fell away on their own which started the descent............and many choices I made kept the changes coming at times fast and furious, at other times slow and drawn out. I cried a lot. I was grieving the losses of my former life. I was not really prepared for being 'out there' I felt too raw, vulnerable and as if I didn't even know who I was anymore. Rarely was anyone else able to empathize with me, or understand and in truth, I could not even articulate what was happening to me. The losses were tremendous, as if every part of my life was being turned upside down. I recall telling friends that I was on my knees for years and when I would try to stand up, something would knock me back down again. It was really quite difficult. Over the course of time, I made some very difficult decisions about those I wanted to be around........I changed careers at the time after the loss of my own business............a long term relationship ended.........my father died............I left my home which had been my sanctuary.............I let go of friends, actually that went on for a long time, I just couldn't relate to some people anymore. As I progressed through and started to develop my new and improved and oh so much healthier self...........I made hard choices about closer friends, friends who have been close to my heart for years...........but I wanted more intimacy, more depth, more love and connection..........and some people are on their own journeys and it no longer matched or was able to be connected to mine. I think the important factor for me was that my values changed, I started seeing things very differently, my willingness to be harmed, in any way at all became impossible, my love for myself would not allow that.............that alone changes everything. The big moment came when I had to let go of my daughter..........holy moly................ having gone through these stages over time made that possible. I think the isolation is necessary as we forge an entirely different Self..........it's work, it's a real commitment to one's self, for me, it made sense because as you described, I had glimpses of that freedom, that peace, that acceptance and what that meant in terms of how I felt or feel on a daily basis and the difference is astonishing. As you said, " I wanted more of that." I read a lot of spiritual books, old and new, which helped....... many call this process "the dark night of the soul." One way of looking at it is the release of fear...........the recognition that we are all connected...............the realization that love is the profound thread which holds us all together............and that often watching the news, reading the newspaper, the usual reality within which we live, ceases to have any real meaning, what becomes meaningful is love..............opening one's heart and looking at how one can be of service, not in an enabling way, but truly, with a generosity of spirit............and yet also being able to receive love..........so that the energy is flowing............my understanding is that we are part of a universal support system where, without our egos, our self serving ways, our comparisons and fears and judgments and attachments...........we could be helping one another............but we can't evolve into that when our internal system is all about control and acquisition. That is what goes overboard in these stages...........our fears............little by little fear ceases to have that hold on us, the need to control diminishes..........I believe what we are left with is a soft and caring, profound sense of love of our self, and from that point, everything changes..............as in the quote by Rumi, "there is a field where there is no right thinking and wrong thinking, I'll meet you there." I wanted to live in that field, that was my intention. I studied a lot of Buddhist and other spiritual traditions which gives you a guiding light through. It all sounds so mystical, and I guess it is, but my belief was that I could marry spirit with what goes on here on planet earth and that was what propelled me forward. If you can get your hands on the Course of Miracles Teachers Manual and check out the part which gives the "teachers lessons" the first one is trust and the page or so which describes what that is about, pretty much describes what happened to me and what I think is what happens to all of us when we make that internal intention to be on this path..........however we do that. I read so many books and searched high and low for answers and understanding.........and they're out there once you look. As the saying goes, "once the student is ready the teacher appears" I can't tell you how many times I was struck by being offered something which I so needed at the time............I believe in guidance and intuition and listening to our inner voice...............I believe in "following the clues" that life presents us with.............I do not believe in coincidences or random occurrences which happen for no reason..........I am not saying I am right, I am saying that is my belief. We all get to decide what we want to believe in. Yes, there is pain, but the pain, in my opinion, is in our holding on, our suffering over our losses, what we believe we can't live without, our kids, our money, our home, our careers, usually, in my experience, what we go through losing, is what we were most attached to. Buddha said, what causes suffering is our attachments. It isn't that we can't have what we want, it's that we might want to learn to let go of that tight, controlling, death grip on them. We have to be willing to let go. It's all about letting go. And, man, it's one helluva ride. I hope that makes sense COM. I am here to offer any help I can, it is most definitely a part of my journey to be of service, here and wherever I can. These are my beliefs, my journey, in no way am I pushing an agenda here, this has simply been my experience and what I believe to be true. [/QUOTE]
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