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Another update on M, & thoughts on Desmond Tutu
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 122177" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Witz, </p><p></p><p>I think part of growing older at any age is the realizations that while we know we did what we could do for our loved ones was the best we could do - it somehow wasn't enough. </p><p></p><p>The part that torments me on occasion is the best/not enough. It leaves me empty and wondering and I HATE that. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I feel like having kids like ours is like watching a child who suddenly went blind. The parent of a child who is sight impaired has to stand back and watch as their child crashes into this, and falls, hits himself into objects - and they can't help because the child HAS TO LEARN through tough lessons where things are - because some day he's going to be on his own and there won't be a loving voice to say "to your left - table" to keep him from getting hurt. </p><p></p><p>I will probably always to some degree be my sons buttinski Mom - in the way that I offer up advice that isn't asked for, voice my thoughts - try to invisibly guide my child to a better choice and warn against the real world. </p><p></p><p>I think too it's a very fine line that you can draw with grown children in as much as you know if you don't detach their actions are going to ruin you. And if you Do detach - you feel like you aren't too much of a Mom because we love, we nurture, we fix, we heal. And I'm not talking coddling - I'm talking about our kids - sleeping on couches in strange places, and seeing how other kids maybe a bit more mature who are struggling to pay bills and keep their heads above water are living - and our kids seem clueless despite the life lessons that stare them down. </p><p></p><p>Dude made a few acquaintances while at the group home outside of the facility. They are kids not much older than him - and due to poor parenting or lack of parenting - are out on their own living in hovels, dirty conditions, trying to raise babies - having hit and miss jobs - and they create their own families out of tragic similarities. I figured my son would be drawn to this freedom like a moth to a flame. I thinking - the comforts of home must be strangling you. - Well not so. That for me is like your son looking at the house from across the street. It's almost like - as long as I can see him sometimes - I can breathe - make sense? </p><p></p><p>I guess as difficult child parents we are forced to give up SO MUCH - that when we get little windows like this - we appreciate them in full force. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs Witz - you're an amazing person, a phenominal Mom - and I'm glad you're my friend. Even if I do picture you looking JUST like your avatar - lol. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 122177, member: 4964"] Witz, I think part of growing older at any age is the realizations that while we know we did what we could do for our loved ones was the best we could do - it somehow wasn't enough. The part that torments me on occasion is the best/not enough. It leaves me empty and wondering and I HATE that. Sometimes I feel like having kids like ours is like watching a child who suddenly went blind. The parent of a child who is sight impaired has to stand back and watch as their child crashes into this, and falls, hits himself into objects - and they can't help because the child HAS TO LEARN through tough lessons where things are - because some day he's going to be on his own and there won't be a loving voice to say "to your left - table" to keep him from getting hurt. I will probably always to some degree be my sons buttinski Mom - in the way that I offer up advice that isn't asked for, voice my thoughts - try to invisibly guide my child to a better choice and warn against the real world. I think too it's a very fine line that you can draw with grown children in as much as you know if you don't detach their actions are going to ruin you. And if you Do detach - you feel like you aren't too much of a Mom because we love, we nurture, we fix, we heal. And I'm not talking coddling - I'm talking about our kids - sleeping on couches in strange places, and seeing how other kids maybe a bit more mature who are struggling to pay bills and keep their heads above water are living - and our kids seem clueless despite the life lessons that stare them down. Dude made a few acquaintances while at the group home outside of the facility. They are kids not much older than him - and due to poor parenting or lack of parenting - are out on their own living in hovels, dirty conditions, trying to raise babies - having hit and miss jobs - and they create their own families out of tragic similarities. I figured my son would be drawn to this freedom like a moth to a flame. I thinking - the comforts of home must be strangling you. - Well not so. That for me is like your son looking at the house from across the street. It's almost like - as long as I can see him sometimes - I can breathe - make sense? I guess as difficult child parents we are forced to give up SO MUCH - that when we get little windows like this - we appreciate them in full force. Many hugs Witz - you're an amazing person, a phenominal Mom - and I'm glad you're my friend. Even if I do picture you looking JUST like your avatar - lol. Hugs Star:raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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