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Another vent! I cannot stand him sometimes...
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 330479" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>FWIW, I wouldn's use Wikipedia's definition. Believe it or not, I read a really good definition in, of all things, AARP a few mo's ago, LOL! There are lots of links here we can give you. Here's one: <a href="http://www.minddisorders.com/A-Br/Asperger-s-disorder.html" target="_blank">http://www.minddisorders.com/A-Br/Asperger-s-disorder.html</a></p><p>However, keep in mind that your difficult child may be more than one thing. It is so hard to tell the difference when kids are that young. There are so many parallels and similiarities.</p><p> </p><p>I wouldn't throw Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or Asperger's completely out the window just because your son can find and push your buttons. In my son's mind, he was and is "telling the truth" when he pushes my buttons. For example, I'll tell him that his room is a mess and he needs to clean it. He'll counter, "So? Your room is a mess and you need to clean it."</p><p>After I pick my jaw off of the floor for his insolence, I take a deep breath and say, You are absolutely right and very observant. However, right now, I am talking about you and we will stay on the subject. I will clean my room later. I will halp you carry dirty clothes downstairs if you like.</p><p>It's amazing how well it works when I agree with-him. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading a manipulative script out of a book, but hey, it works! LOL!</p><p>If your son says really mean things, like, "You are fat and ugly and smelly," out of the blue, that may be another issue. I recall that your son's meltdown in the car after the party had to do with the activity that followed, in which he did not want to participate. So again, that sounds like an overreactive Aspie or even Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) to me, in that it was overreactive but somewhat appropriate, if you look at it from his point of view.</p><p> </p><p>When he is quiet and calm, and you take him aside to talk to him, and tell him that what he said hurt your feelings, how does he react? My son is getting better, but typically, he'd say, "What difference does it make if I hurt your feelings? I was telling the truth."</p><p>I had to explain to him WHY it mattered and WHAT the consequences would be. Yes, there ARE and SHOULD BE consequences for kids who consistently hurt their parents' feelings. Doesn't matter if the parent is as crazy as a loon or solid as a rock. Parents are in charge and you learn to follow their rules. If not hurting Mom's feelings for the umpteenth bazillion time is a rule, he'd better follow it.</p><p> </p><p>It has taken dozens, if not hundreds of conversations at the therapist's ofc and at home to get my son to see the light. It's exhausting. But not doing it, and seeing the results 10 yrs down the line is more exhausting.</p><p> </p><p>Does your son read facial expressions? Have you asked him what he thinks it means when you exhale loudly, or roll your eyes, or frown? Or even if you cry? I would be curious to hear his answers. </p><p> </p><p>One thing my son does is shout. That comes under the heading of pragmatic language. When I originally had him tested by a neuropsychologist, we were referred to a "pragmatic language specialist" because my son was not forthcoming with-answers when the dr asked him pointed questions. What a waste of time! The tester showed him pics of cats and spoons and difficult child had to say what they were. Aarrrgh. I hope you don't have to go through that.</p><p> </p><p>My son does not have hand-flapping or even walk awkwardly, at least, by definition. He has one foot turned inward and he occasionally trips when he runs. We asked the pediatrician if we could brace the leg when he was 3 (my son's leg, not the dr's leg!) and he said he'd had very poor results with-it. Sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, for your son to fit all the criteria for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), schizoaffective disorder, Asperger's, and/or bipolar would be amazing. Very few people fit all the criteria. They are guidelines.</p><p> </p><p>I would definitely agree, from your comments, that your son suffers from anxiety. And that can fit into any of the above categories ... or be in a category all by itself. See how difficult this is?</p><p> </p><p>I know you can't wait for your testing!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 330479, member: 3419"] FWIW, I wouldn's use Wikipedia's definition. Believe it or not, I read a really good definition in, of all things, AARP a few mo's ago, LOL! There are lots of links here we can give you. Here's one: [URL]http://www.minddisorders.com/A-Br/Asperger-s-disorder.html[/URL] However, keep in mind that your difficult child may be more than one thing. It is so hard to tell the difference when kids are that young. There are so many parallels and similiarities. I wouldn't throw Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or Asperger's completely out the window just because your son can find and push your buttons. In my son's mind, he was and is "telling the truth" when he pushes my buttons. For example, I'll tell him that his room is a mess and he needs to clean it. He'll counter, "So? Your room is a mess and you need to clean it." After I pick my jaw off of the floor for his insolence, I take a deep breath and say, You are absolutely right and very observant. However, right now, I am talking about you and we will stay on the subject. I will clean my room later. I will halp you carry dirty clothes downstairs if you like. It's amazing how well it works when I agree with-him. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading a manipulative script out of a book, but hey, it works! LOL! If your son says really mean things, like, "You are fat and ugly and smelly," out of the blue, that may be another issue. I recall that your son's meltdown in the car after the party had to do with the activity that followed, in which he did not want to participate. So again, that sounds like an overreactive Aspie or even Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) to me, in that it was overreactive but somewhat appropriate, if you look at it from his point of view. When he is quiet and calm, and you take him aside to talk to him, and tell him that what he said hurt your feelings, how does he react? My son is getting better, but typically, he'd say, "What difference does it make if I hurt your feelings? I was telling the truth." I had to explain to him WHY it mattered and WHAT the consequences would be. Yes, there ARE and SHOULD BE consequences for kids who consistently hurt their parents' feelings. Doesn't matter if the parent is as crazy as a loon or solid as a rock. Parents are in charge and you learn to follow their rules. If not hurting Mom's feelings for the umpteenth bazillion time is a rule, he'd better follow it. It has taken dozens, if not hundreds of conversations at the therapist's ofc and at home to get my son to see the light. It's exhausting. But not doing it, and seeing the results 10 yrs down the line is more exhausting. Does your son read facial expressions? Have you asked him what he thinks it means when you exhale loudly, or roll your eyes, or frown? Or even if you cry? I would be curious to hear his answers. One thing my son does is shout. That comes under the heading of pragmatic language. When I originally had him tested by a neuropsychologist, we were referred to a "pragmatic language specialist" because my son was not forthcoming with-answers when the dr asked him pointed questions. What a waste of time! The tester showed him pics of cats and spoons and difficult child had to say what they were. Aarrrgh. I hope you don't have to go through that. My son does not have hand-flapping or even walk awkwardly, at least, by definition. He has one foot turned inward and he occasionally trips when he runs. We asked the pediatrician if we could brace the leg when he was 3 (my son's leg, not the dr's leg!) and he said he'd had very poor results with-it. Sigh. Anyway, for your son to fit all the criteria for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), schizoaffective disorder, Asperger's, and/or bipolar would be amazing. Very few people fit all the criteria. They are guidelines. I would definitely agree, from your comments, that your son suffers from anxiety. And that can fit into any of the above categories ... or be in a category all by itself. See how difficult this is? I know you can't wait for your testing! [/QUOTE]
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