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I wonder if you can request the local adhd expert to evaluate some ADHD rating scales that you and the teacher fill out?  Also, if you are not seeking medication, then the lack of diagnosis might not have relevance.  I know you'd like to be able to show the teacher, but as you have seen by your visits to multiple sources, people are kind of stuck in their thinking no matter the evidence presented. It seems like that teacher would not accept the diagnosis anyway.  You have reasons to believe that J has adhd and so I would carry on as if it were so.