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Malika I can feel your pain!  We have experienced EXACTLY what you are talking about!  My difficult child was the exact same way!  Would be dismantling everything around him until the moment we stepped into the Dr.'s office and then be as gentle as a lamb.  Then when he would display his major aggression it would be written off to 'boys will be boys'.  I can't give you any real advice right now because we were not able to get him help until we had an issue with cps.  And we are STILL fighting for help.  I know this doesn't help much but there are people out there who understand what you are going through and we are pulling for you!