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<blockquote data-quote="Sunlight" data-source="post: 49173" data-attributes="member: 97"><p>wow do you remind me of ME and ant. I did a lot of what you did, ant did all you said and more it seems. when he was 16 I sent him to live with my brother. he continued this pattern of bad life. when he got in trouble with the courts, out of desperation I let the courts send him to a reform type school for two yrs. when he was 18 he got out and started drugs the very day!</p><p></p><p>I would let natural consequences take over. as much as you want to help him, he is not ready. he is determined to be himself. how he chooses. the wellbutrin will not help if he is also self medicating with other illegal substances. perhaps though counseling and medications will help YOU cope. this is a hard place to be.</p><p></p><p>he runs away. he will not stay in a program, he will run and waste your money. he would have to be in a locked program and that may only contain him and not help. however if the courts get to that point, it will at least contain him so he doesnt self destruct.</p><p></p><p>I think it is time to have you research how you can handle this for you.</p><p>read these two books-free to borrow at the library, both helped me tremendously:</p><p></p><p>boundaries by townsend and cloud</p><p></p><p>codependent no more by melody beattie</p><p></p><p>go to a local NA or AA mtg so you can see how other parents are doing this. try also this website:</p><p>gopsst.org</p><p></p><p></p><p>he is too young to kick out the house. as I said I definitely have been where you are, tried it all, nothing helped. my son ended up in jail most of the past 5 yrs. from 18 to 23. it contained him. a hard place to be, but his DUIs got him there. he is almost 24 now and is in an apartment, working daily, drug free but an alcoholic. a functioning one. he is on probation for 5 yrs and is to be out of bars or back to jail. he is in the bar every night after work. </p><p></p><p>for my part once he turned 18 I threw him out. I took him back now and then but no more now. he is too old. he still will not listen to my advice at all. but...we have a good relationship mostly because I backed way off and let him live his own life while I choose how mine will be.</p><p></p><p>start to ignore your son as much as you can, read the books I said and educate yourself in how to cope. you cannot change him but you can change you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sunlight, post: 49173, member: 97"] wow do you remind me of ME and ant. I did a lot of what you did, ant did all you said and more it seems. when he was 16 I sent him to live with my brother. he continued this pattern of bad life. when he got in trouble with the courts, out of desperation I let the courts send him to a reform type school for two yrs. when he was 18 he got out and started drugs the very day! I would let natural consequences take over. as much as you want to help him, he is not ready. he is determined to be himself. how he chooses. the wellbutrin will not help if he is also self medicating with other illegal substances. perhaps though counseling and medications will help YOU cope. this is a hard place to be. he runs away. he will not stay in a program, he will run and waste your money. he would have to be in a locked program and that may only contain him and not help. however if the courts get to that point, it will at least contain him so he doesnt self destruct. I think it is time to have you research how you can handle this for you. read these two books-free to borrow at the library, both helped me tremendously: boundaries by townsend and cloud codependent no more by melody beattie go to a local NA or AA mtg so you can see how other parents are doing this. try also this website: gopsst.org he is too young to kick out the house. as I said I definitely have been where you are, tried it all, nothing helped. my son ended up in jail most of the past 5 yrs. from 18 to 23. it contained him. a hard place to be, but his DUIs got him there. he is almost 24 now and is in an apartment, working daily, drug free but an alcoholic. a functioning one. he is on probation for 5 yrs and is to be out of bars or back to jail. he is in the bar every night after work. for my part once he turned 18 I threw him out. I took him back now and then but no more now. he is too old. he still will not listen to my advice at all. but...we have a good relationship mostly because I backed way off and let him live his own life while I choose how mine will be. start to ignore your son as much as you can, read the books I said and educate yourself in how to cope. you cannot change him but you can change you. [/QUOTE]
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