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<blockquote data-quote="NOLA" data-source="post: 50732" data-attributes="member: 3515"><p>Just checking in--thank you all so much for your input--nothing much new here except I did write a 6 page letter expressing my inner-most feelings for not being a better "advocate" for him during his early years in school, appreciating him for who he is, really letting him know I understand the turmoil and the struggles of being a teenager, etc. I also did manage to squeeze in while I realize the angst he is experiencing, drugs are not the answer and he will be carted off to professionals if he chooses to continue to test positive, etc. You know, not on my watch type of thing. I didnt just give him the letter, I read it to him, all the while holding back the tears, ala INTERVENTION currently on A&E. That didnt elicit as much emotion or feedback from him as I had hoped. As usual, our communication was a one-way street. He listened intently but didnt have much to add. </p><p></p><p>Hes out right now with his group of lost boys (supposedly playing a new video game) right, of course, right! So I decided to tidy up a bit around his room not really cleaning just snooping! Low and behold, pieces of aluminum foil and a piece of burnt up rolling paper in his trash can still reeking of weed. Guess my letter didnt quite get through.</p><p></p><p>So, its wake-up and decision time (something I absolutely dread) for me and my husband we have a court ordered therapy session on Saturday and go before the judge on the 21st so we have between now & then to decide which professionals we entrust to actually reach him not an easy task.</p><p></p><p>Skeeter Thanks for relating and I hope your son doesnt follow in my difficult children footsteps.</p><p></p><p>KFld I am very happy for your sons progress and hope he finds the desire and love of life to reach his true potential. How do I learn how to live my own life without his consuming my every second and sucking the life out of me? Between work, constantly searching the net for the best possible and affordable rehab center, etc., I am too emotionally and physically drained to seek out a parent alanon group, which probably doesnt even exist, in this hell-hole, Katrina-ravished town. I did look for a Tough Love group, emailed them too, but to no avail.</p><p></p><p>antsmom I will definitely read those books but probably like you were, I am still in the we must try everything to help him mode even though intellectually I know he is the one that has to want to change. I just want to at least provide him with the tools to grab out of his baggy jeans if and when he makes that decision. I now you are right in saying you cannot change him but you can change you. Im trying but it aint easy! </p><p></p><p>Hearthope Sorry you can relate so well. Same here, once that façade fell off all hell broke loose. He now doesnt really mind showing us his true colors anymore. For a while, it was like he still had a need to fool us into believing he was a good boy! </p><p></p><p>DDD God Bless you & your husband.</p><p></p><p>katmom Im right there with you &#61514; </p><p></p><p>Mikey You are the reason I initially posted after reading your threads I felt like I had a strong chance of really relating to all of you guys. Hang in there we are also hanging on by a thread.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="NOLA, post: 50732, member: 3515"] Just checking in--thank you all so much for your input--nothing much new here except I did write a 6 page letter expressing my inner-most feelings for not being a better "advocate" for him during his early years in school, appreciating him for who he is, really letting him know I understand the turmoil and the struggles of being a teenager, etc. I also did manage to squeeze in while I realize the angst he is experiencing, drugs are not the answer and he will be carted off to professionals if he chooses to continue to test positive, etc. You know, not on my watch type of thing. I didnt just give him the letter, I read it to him, all the while holding back the tears, ala INTERVENTION currently on A&E. That didnt elicit as much emotion or feedback from him as I had hoped. As usual, our communication was a one-way street. He listened intently but didnt have much to add. Hes out right now with his group of lost boys (supposedly playing a new video game) right, of course, right! So I decided to tidy up a bit around his room not really cleaning just snooping! Low and behold, pieces of aluminum foil and a piece of burnt up rolling paper in his trash can still reeking of weed. Guess my letter didnt quite get through. So, its wake-up and decision time (something I absolutely dread) for me and my husband we have a court ordered therapy session on Saturday and go before the judge on the 21st so we have between now & then to decide which professionals we entrust to actually reach him not an easy task. Skeeter Thanks for relating and I hope your son doesnt follow in my difficult children footsteps. KFld I am very happy for your sons progress and hope he finds the desire and love of life to reach his true potential. How do I learn how to live my own life without his consuming my every second and sucking the life out of me? Between work, constantly searching the net for the best possible and affordable rehab center, etc., I am too emotionally and physically drained to seek out a parent alanon group, which probably doesnt even exist, in this hell-hole, Katrina-ravished town. I did look for a Tough Love group, emailed them too, but to no avail. antsmom I will definitely read those books but probably like you were, I am still in the we must try everything to help him mode even though intellectually I know he is the one that has to want to change. I just want to at least provide him with the tools to grab out of his baggy jeans if and when he makes that decision. I now you are right in saying you cannot change him but you can change you. Im trying but it aint easy! Hearthope Sorry you can relate so well. Same here, once that façade fell off all hell broke loose. He now doesnt really mind showing us his true colors anymore. For a while, it was like he still had a need to fool us into believing he was a good boy! DDD God Bless you & your husband. katmom Im right there with you  Mikey You are the reason I initially posted after reading your threads I felt like I had a strong chance of really relating to all of you guys. Hang in there we are also hanging on by a thread. [/QUOTE]
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