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Any Success Stories or Do "Difficult Children" Ever Come Around?
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<blockquote data-quote="Irene_J" data-source="post: 715105" data-attributes="member: 181"><p>I found this board when my daughter was in grade school. She is now 28, a college graduate, has a responsible job and has her own apartment. I won't recount in detail her growing up years but I truly went through some nightmare years. This included tremendous rebellion and aggression, running away, police activity, early sexual activity, alcohol and marijuana use, stealing (from me and others) and pleading guilty to a felony. When she was supposed to be a junior in high school, she only had enough credits for a freshman. </p><p></p><p>I'm condensing quite a bit, but I finally accepted that I could not change her no matter how hard I tried. When I decided to let her go, by telling her that when she was 18, she was out of my house on that very day; she knew I meant it. We lived a small township with only one high school. Her classmates were planning for the prom and applying for colleges. I'll never forget her saying to me "I want to go to college too" and asked me for help. Because she had an IEP and because she was in trouble so much of the time, I knew the counselors and administrative staff well. We got the foreign language requirement waived, she took additional courses at another high school and I got her a private tutor to acquire more credits. She graduated on time (the principal hugged her when she accepted her diploma; he was a nice man and had tried to help her).</p><p></p><p>She had to go to community college first and after a few backward steps, I found a small Christian college in the South which was in the same city as my sister and her family. She graduated a few years ago.</p><p></p><p>She had to wait to apply for her "dream job" because they asked if the applicant had been convicted of a felony in the last 10 years. They offered her a position in a city about 5 hours away which she accepted. We talk everyday and visit each other about every other month. She is respectful, she tells me she loves me and she is the daughter I always knew was in there somewhere.</p><p></p><p>I've said this before on this board, but things didn't get fixed until I stopped trying to fix them. That was really my turnaround point. I was prepared to let her go to any life she wanted, no matter how much it would have hurt. The other important point is that she changed her circle of friends. I asked her once if she knew what happened to a few of those friends. From Facebook she said she knew two of the girls became mothers as teenagers and two of the guys have been incarcerated.</p><p></p><p>My daughter refers to those nightmare years as her "rebellious years" minimizing them as though she only sneaked cigarettes or something. Those years were horrible. But we came out okay on the other side. It would have hurt to have lost her, but I believe I still would have come out okay once I accepted that I could not change her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Irene_J, post: 715105, member: 181"] I found this board when my daughter was in grade school. She is now 28, a college graduate, has a responsible job and has her own apartment. I won't recount in detail her growing up years but I truly went through some nightmare years. This included tremendous rebellion and aggression, running away, police activity, early sexual activity, alcohol and marijuana use, stealing (from me and others) and pleading guilty to a felony. When she was supposed to be a junior in high school, she only had enough credits for a freshman. I'm condensing quite a bit, but I finally accepted that I could not change her no matter how hard I tried. When I decided to let her go, by telling her that when she was 18, she was out of my house on that very day; she knew I meant it. We lived a small township with only one high school. Her classmates were planning for the prom and applying for colleges. I'll never forget her saying to me "I want to go to college too" and asked me for help. Because she had an IEP and because she was in trouble so much of the time, I knew the counselors and administrative staff well. We got the foreign language requirement waived, she took additional courses at another high school and I got her a private tutor to acquire more credits. She graduated on time (the principal hugged her when she accepted her diploma; he was a nice man and had tried to help her). She had to go to community college first and after a few backward steps, I found a small Christian college in the South which was in the same city as my sister and her family. She graduated a few years ago. She had to wait to apply for her "dream job" because they asked if the applicant had been convicted of a felony in the last 10 years. They offered her a position in a city about 5 hours away which she accepted. We talk everyday and visit each other about every other month. She is respectful, she tells me she loves me and she is the daughter I always knew was in there somewhere. I've said this before on this board, but things didn't get fixed until I stopped trying to fix them. That was really my turnaround point. I was prepared to let her go to any life she wanted, no matter how much it would have hurt. The other important point is that she changed her circle of friends. I asked her once if she knew what happened to a few of those friends. From Facebook she said she knew two of the girls became mothers as teenagers and two of the guys have been incarcerated. My daughter refers to those nightmare years as her "rebellious years" minimizing them as though she only sneaked cigarettes or something. Those years were horrible. But we came out okay on the other side. It would have hurt to have lost her, but I believe I still would have come out okay once I accepted that I could not change her. [/QUOTE]
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