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Anyone else feeling like they want to do away with their child sometimes?
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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 459471" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi Seriously,</p><p></p><p>I am really sorry that you are having such a hard time with your difficult child. I know you feel that calling the police will be useless - but I think you should consider doing so anyways - this will establish a papertrail that can be tracked back and can be - when [not if] the proverbial brown stuff hits the fan - be very helpful in documenting that he has been a problem all along. You might also want to video tape him or voice record him to help convince the cops, dfcs or whatever they are called in your state that he is escalating. This may also be helpful evidence with his doctors. </p><p></p><p>I really think you cannot allow him to continue on this way - he is taunting you, testing you and escalating in the ways of provoking you. I would not be surprised at all if physical attacks against your pets if you have any, the wife, the younger sib, or even you will be next - it looks like he is trying to work his nerve up to it. I would really like to suggest speaking both to his psychiatrist and his therapist about this; perhaps it is time for new medications, perhaps for another approach in therapy or counseling - but you can't go on doing nothing or going along with it, or progressively worse than this will happening. </p><p></p><p>And yes - I've been there all the way - the cunning, hateful look; the speculation in his eyes; the teeming madness just daring to be unleashed. I have called the cops. I have stood nose to nose to him. I made him back down - step by step. He has spend nights on the frontporch. He has slept in garden chairs. He has lived/slept in my old spare minivan for days at a time. He had a lot of time to think about where he was going with this because I took and either threw away or packed away everything he loved, liked and wanted. During his worst time frame he lived of PB Jelly Sandwiches and cold ramen soup and apples right from the tree. He got cold, hungry, bored but he survived, had a reality check and decided he would try to become better. I made new houserules, learned how to detach, and also how to nip little transgressions and those little feelers to see how the wind is blowing right into the bud when they appeared. I went from courting a nervous breakdown to "tough broad" and learned to be distant, give him the "evil" eye, and to be "uninterested" in his little shenanigans, all in the name of detachment. </p><p></p><p>Fast forward 2 years - there was a time when I could not wait for him to turn 18 so I could turn him out. Well he is 18 and he truly has made a miraculous change for the better. While he may never be all the way "normal", he is as well functioning as most straight folks, and continues to improve, learn and keep himself in check. If I hadn't made some changes in myself in how I respond to him, and taken charge of our home and life again - I think we both would have been dead or in jail by now. Either he would have killed me sooner or later, or I would have lost it during one of the attacks and taken him out in self defense. I'm glad I hung in there because today I not only love my son, I also like him again - there was a time I for sure did not like him the teeniest little bit, I also wasn't so sure that I still loved him. Today we hug again, I get and give kisses, we talk a lot, and when we disagree - it is done in a reasonable + mature way [most of the time anyways, LOL - there is still the occasional door slamming and yelling or pouting - but good grief - it's a piece of cake nowadays!]</p><p></p><p>I realize that your son may have different problems than mine that may not resolve at all [mine had the worst case of pure thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) added with a nice dose of ODD] or need a different approach. But for the safety, sanity and wellbeing of everybody else in the house - do step outside and get help, please! Not only for him, but for yourself and the family too. Like you said in your post - it is a form of abuse he puts on you - and with time you get overwhelmed by it and it seems there can be no way out. There are ways - please don't give up! From wilderness camps, to job corps, to youth challenge and then all the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, clinics etc. - the others here will have more info about these. Do not allow him to terrorize the family any longer - he will not learn how to respect you with his current mindset and a change of venue might be helpful for him to get a different perspective. </p><p></p><p>Wishing for the best for you and your wife! Hugs, MuM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 459471, member: 12241"] Hi Seriously, I am really sorry that you are having such a hard time with your difficult child. I know you feel that calling the police will be useless - but I think you should consider doing so anyways - this will establish a papertrail that can be tracked back and can be - when [not if] the proverbial brown stuff hits the fan - be very helpful in documenting that he has been a problem all along. You might also want to video tape him or voice record him to help convince the cops, dfcs or whatever they are called in your state that he is escalating. This may also be helpful evidence with his doctors. I really think you cannot allow him to continue on this way - he is taunting you, testing you and escalating in the ways of provoking you. I would not be surprised at all if physical attacks against your pets if you have any, the wife, the younger sib, or even you will be next - it looks like he is trying to work his nerve up to it. I would really like to suggest speaking both to his psychiatrist and his therapist about this; perhaps it is time for new medications, perhaps for another approach in therapy or counseling - but you can't go on doing nothing or going along with it, or progressively worse than this will happening. And yes - I've been there all the way - the cunning, hateful look; the speculation in his eyes; the teeming madness just daring to be unleashed. I have called the cops. I have stood nose to nose to him. I made him back down - step by step. He has spend nights on the frontporch. He has slept in garden chairs. He has lived/slept in my old spare minivan for days at a time. He had a lot of time to think about where he was going with this because I took and either threw away or packed away everything he loved, liked and wanted. During his worst time frame he lived of PB Jelly Sandwiches and cold ramen soup and apples right from the tree. He got cold, hungry, bored but he survived, had a reality check and decided he would try to become better. I made new houserules, learned how to detach, and also how to nip little transgressions and those little feelers to see how the wind is blowing right into the bud when they appeared. I went from courting a nervous breakdown to "tough broad" and learned to be distant, give him the "evil" eye, and to be "uninterested" in his little shenanigans, all in the name of detachment. Fast forward 2 years - there was a time when I could not wait for him to turn 18 so I could turn him out. Well he is 18 and he truly has made a miraculous change for the better. While he may never be all the way "normal", he is as well functioning as most straight folks, and continues to improve, learn and keep himself in check. If I hadn't made some changes in myself in how I respond to him, and taken charge of our home and life again - I think we both would have been dead or in jail by now. Either he would have killed me sooner or later, or I would have lost it during one of the attacks and taken him out in self defense. I'm glad I hung in there because today I not only love my son, I also like him again - there was a time I for sure did not like him the teeniest little bit, I also wasn't so sure that I still loved him. Today we hug again, I get and give kisses, we talk a lot, and when we disagree - it is done in a reasonable + mature way [most of the time anyways, LOL - there is still the occasional door slamming and yelling or pouting - but good grief - it's a piece of cake nowadays!] I realize that your son may have different problems than mine that may not resolve at all [mine had the worst case of pure thought Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) added with a nice dose of ODD] or need a different approach. But for the safety, sanity and wellbeing of everybody else in the house - do step outside and get help, please! Not only for him, but for yourself and the family too. Like you said in your post - it is a form of abuse he puts on you - and with time you get overwhelmed by it and it seems there can be no way out. There are ways - please don't give up! From wilderness camps, to job corps, to youth challenge and then all the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, clinics etc. - the others here will have more info about these. Do not allow him to terrorize the family any longer - he will not learn how to respect you with his current mindset and a change of venue might be helpful for him to get a different perspective. Wishing for the best for you and your wife! Hugs, MuM [/QUOTE]
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