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General Parenting
Anyone have a difficult child that defies their own gfgness in a certain area?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 444956" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It does sound like she is trying to push herself to fit in, despite her fears. She also sounds like there is a certain amount of denial adding to the mix. As in "I don't need lessons, I'll do it later," when really, it would help on so many levels. Lessons would also help her with her anxiety about being out front.</p><p></p><p>I was a kid who was, at times and for various reasons, performing. I was trained in public speaking and also in choir, as a kid. I remember being in an eisteddfod doing a cold reading and I won. At other times I would be reciting poetry, or playing piano. Afterwards people came up to me and told me how much they enjoyed it and how poised and relaxed I had looked - I had been terrified! I remember being amazed that they had not noticed my knees shaking or the quaver in my voice. That was when I began to realise that I might feel nervous (flamin' terrified!) but the audience would not notice, nor would they be critical.</p><p></p><p>I learned a few tricks by having lessons. One useful trick was how to SEEM to be making eye contact with your audience, even when you're so terrified that any eye contact at all will freeze you silent and rigid to the spot. I also learned that doing this trick actually helped me calm - it gave me one more thing to remember to do, and to concentrate on, during performance.</p><p></p><p>My final trick - I found I liked it best if I appeared on stage in disguise in some way, perhaps in a costume or with extreme face paint. I would then change completely and quickly back stage, then go out and mingle with the audience as if I had not just been on stage. That way I could listen and really hear what people thought. I could be found skulking behind the potted plants, glasses back on, hair tied back (or let down, over my face) and looking dull and dowdy. part of the background. This is not always possible, of course. If you are performing as yourself in front of a small group of people who know you well, you can't do this. But if you are performing under those circumstances, you are among friends and the nerves need not be so bad.</p><p></p><p>A young friend of mine who is a professional performer, who was on the first series of Australian Idol, still throws up before every performance. Nerves. But she says the adrenalin is necessary, it gives her mind an edge and keeps her on track to give a great performance.</p><p></p><p>With this level of anxiety, when she wants to do something, try talking to her about the range of possible outcomes. "This could happen. Or that." Then go through with her what she would do in response to each possible outcome. Role-play it. That way if/when something happens, she will perhaps be better prepared.</p><p></p><p>Every challenge she undertakes and succeeds, is a long-term win. I think at some level she knows this and it is one more thing driving her.</p><p></p><p>Keep encouraging her and supporting her. If she tries and flops, tell her that it was a practice run for the next time. Focus on the positives and baby steps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 444956, member: 1991"] It does sound like she is trying to push herself to fit in, despite her fears. She also sounds like there is a certain amount of denial adding to the mix. As in "I don't need lessons, I'll do it later," when really, it would help on so many levels. Lessons would also help her with her anxiety about being out front. I was a kid who was, at times and for various reasons, performing. I was trained in public speaking and also in choir, as a kid. I remember being in an eisteddfod doing a cold reading and I won. At other times I would be reciting poetry, or playing piano. Afterwards people came up to me and told me how much they enjoyed it and how poised and relaxed I had looked - I had been terrified! I remember being amazed that they had not noticed my knees shaking or the quaver in my voice. That was when I began to realise that I might feel nervous (flamin' terrified!) but the audience would not notice, nor would they be critical. I learned a few tricks by having lessons. One useful trick was how to SEEM to be making eye contact with your audience, even when you're so terrified that any eye contact at all will freeze you silent and rigid to the spot. I also learned that doing this trick actually helped me calm - it gave me one more thing to remember to do, and to concentrate on, during performance. My final trick - I found I liked it best if I appeared on stage in disguise in some way, perhaps in a costume or with extreme face paint. I would then change completely and quickly back stage, then go out and mingle with the audience as if I had not just been on stage. That way I could listen and really hear what people thought. I could be found skulking behind the potted plants, glasses back on, hair tied back (or let down, over my face) and looking dull and dowdy. part of the background. This is not always possible, of course. If you are performing as yourself in front of a small group of people who know you well, you can't do this. But if you are performing under those circumstances, you are among friends and the nerves need not be so bad. A young friend of mine who is a professional performer, who was on the first series of Australian Idol, still throws up before every performance. Nerves. But she says the adrenalin is necessary, it gives her mind an edge and keeps her on track to give a great performance. With this level of anxiety, when she wants to do something, try talking to her about the range of possible outcomes. "This could happen. Or that." Then go through with her what she would do in response to each possible outcome. Role-play it. That way if/when something happens, she will perhaps be better prepared. Every challenge she undertakes and succeeds, is a long-term win. I think at some level she knows this and it is one more thing driving her. Keep encouraging her and supporting her. If she tries and flops, tell her that it was a practice run for the next time. Focus on the positives and baby steps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Anyone have a difficult child that defies their own gfgness in a certain area?
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