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General Parenting
Anyone have their difficult child in an out of home placement?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 294307" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Erin - my son was placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when he was 9. We tried having him return home twice, when he was 12 and again when he was 14. Both times he lasted less than 3 months, so he spent a total of half of his childhood in placements.</p><p> </p><p>It was hard. No one can mother our children for us, no matter how good the staff is. I remember with that first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement especially (but in all of them to be truthful), I fretted so much. What if he got a cold? or a tummy ache? or an owie? Who would comfort him the way that I would have comforted him if he were home? And general parenting issues and values and moral and ethics... things that are a part of our family that he couldn't learn because he wasn't here. </p><p> </p><p>What I can tell you is that nothing will replace you. Which is good, kinda. But at the same time, when my difficult child did get a cold/tummy ache/owie, there were staff who did their best to comfort and caretake. Maybe not the way *I* would have but... circumstances being what they were, I couldn't be there to do it. He was taken care of and he did develop relationships with some staff that fell in the range of surrogate parent. </p><p> </p><p>I think that one of the advantages of an out-of-home placement, when we get to that point (and you know you didn't get there easily) is that staff is doing a job. They get to go home after their shift, they get vacations, they get respite from the 24/7 demands of our special children. There were days way back when when my difficult child might have walked in with- a fever or whatever, and it would have taken all my strength to "mother" him after some of the behaviors we were dealing with. While staff/foster parents don't have that emotional connection that we do to our kids, I think that it can also work in their favor in terms of the relationship they do have with- our kids. </p><p> </p><p>In my experience, that anxiety doesn't go away. All you can do is keep a watchful eye on your kid, mother when geography and your child allow, and keep in close contact with the adults who are caring for your child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 294307, member: 8"] Erin - my son was placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when he was 9. We tried having him return home twice, when he was 12 and again when he was 14. Both times he lasted less than 3 months, so he spent a total of half of his childhood in placements. It was hard. No one can mother our children for us, no matter how good the staff is. I remember with that first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement especially (but in all of them to be truthful), I fretted so much. What if he got a cold? or a tummy ache? or an owie? Who would comfort him the way that I would have comforted him if he were home? And general parenting issues and values and moral and ethics... things that are a part of our family that he couldn't learn because he wasn't here. What I can tell you is that nothing will replace you. Which is good, kinda. But at the same time, when my difficult child did get a cold/tummy ache/owie, there were staff who did their best to comfort and caretake. Maybe not the way *I* would have but... circumstances being what they were, I couldn't be there to do it. He was taken care of and he did develop relationships with some staff that fell in the range of surrogate parent. I think that one of the advantages of an out-of-home placement, when we get to that point (and you know you didn't get there easily) is that staff is doing a job. They get to go home after their shift, they get vacations, they get respite from the 24/7 demands of our special children. There were days way back when when my difficult child might have walked in with- a fever or whatever, and it would have taken all my strength to "mother" him after some of the behaviors we were dealing with. While staff/foster parents don't have that emotional connection that we do to our kids, I think that it can also work in their favor in terms of the relationship they do have with- our kids. In my experience, that anxiety doesn't go away. All you can do is keep a watchful eye on your kid, mother when geography and your child allow, and keep in close contact with the adults who are caring for your child. [/QUOTE]
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Anyone have their difficult child in an out of home placement?
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