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Substance Abuse
Anyone in my shoes?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 509295" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p><u><em><strong>YEP, YEP, YEP </strong></em></u>but mine started much younger and as my sister says, 'he put me through hell'!! </p><p>My son was gifted in math and science and at 16 I had to drive him to take the GED and sit in the car to make sure he did not leave. </p><p>I tried every program I could find, even a week long canoe therapy and 6 weeks in house therapy. He stole from me, and told me he hated me. He stole my keys and let his friends steal and wreck my car. Then after the police left he was very concerned about them coming back and stayed up late to make sure they didn't. It was all a lie, when the police caught they kids they told on him.</p><p></p><p>I was a single working parent and I felt very guilty about it but I was trying very hard to get us out of poverty. The dad walked out and zero child support. I also felt guilt for choosing the wrong man to have children with. They are extremely manipulative liars and they know your weaknesses.</p><p> </p><p>He is 33 now and from 32 to 33 he was clean and sober and in college on the dean's list. I actually enjoyed his frequent calls and he apologized for his bad behavior. Then he relapsed and OMG it's surreal, back to the same things as before.</p><p></p><p>He recently had this elaborate tale that he was homeless and just staying at places to shower and sometimes eat. The professors admired him so much, they knew of his situation and he was on the dean's list. All of this was an out right lie to get money! I found out when I had to call the police to get his girl friend to stop harrassing me.</p><p></p><p>I was in counseling a lot, but I wish I had been taught to detach sooner. He was so out of control and in jail ( I left him there for 2 months and it was a small bond hoping it would 'cure' him) several times. Court ordered rehab for 9 months and he walked out with only a few weeks left. He had to go back with 3 additional months.</p><p></p><p>I came home from work one day and a policeman was waiting for me, both of my children were in jail at the same time! I felt like trash, to this day I am not comfortable around the police. My daughters brush with the law (she was in jail for 6 months and I did not have money for bail) scared her and she road a bus almost 3 hours round trip for court ordered out patient counseling.</p><p></p><p>She now has an MA and teaches and has homeschooled 2 gifted grands, both are dually enrolled high school and college. She did this because of her knowledge of the drug use at the schools. I tribute much of her success to attending meeting regularly for years.</p><p></p><p>I am so sad that my son relapsed and the nightmare starts again, only this time he can not steal from me (5 hours away) and I no longer feel the guilt for trying to give him a better life. I had always hoped he would out grow the drugs and alcohol. He is now homeless, jobless, no money, no friends (jealous girlfriend has alienanted them) and he Baker Acted himself into a hospital. He called after he was released and said he had no money for food, this time I replied he would have money if they did not party so much. He told me the shelter are full and he has no place to go, I don't know if that is the truth or he just wants money. The girls mother told me they fight a lot, party a lot, and he threatens to kill himself and cuts himself. That alone scares me silly!</p><p></p><p>My advice to you is to get over the guilt, and put him in every program you can. Exercise, find a hobby, support groups and counseling, and pray! I pray your son wakes up and lives up to his gifted potential. This is a wonderful online support group, very welcoming and honest! We are all looking for answers! This is my son and tough love always made him more defiant in the past, but I refuse to support a 33yo with a 37 yo b**** for a girlfriend.</p><p></p><p>Blessing to you and yours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 509295, member: 13558"] [U][I][B]YEP, YEP, YEP [/B][/I][/U]but mine started much younger and as my sister says, 'he put me through hell'!! My son was gifted in math and science and at 16 I had to drive him to take the GED and sit in the car to make sure he did not leave. I tried every program I could find, even a week long canoe therapy and 6 weeks in house therapy. He stole from me, and told me he hated me. He stole my keys and let his friends steal and wreck my car. Then after the police left he was very concerned about them coming back and stayed up late to make sure they didn't. It was all a lie, when the police caught they kids they told on him. I was a single working parent and I felt very guilty about it but I was trying very hard to get us out of poverty. The dad walked out and zero child support. I also felt guilt for choosing the wrong man to have children with. They are extremely manipulative liars and they know your weaknesses. He is 33 now and from 32 to 33 he was clean and sober and in college on the dean's list. I actually enjoyed his frequent calls and he apologized for his bad behavior. Then he relapsed and OMG it's surreal, back to the same things as before. He recently had this elaborate tale that he was homeless and just staying at places to shower and sometimes eat. The professors admired him so much, they knew of his situation and he was on the dean's list. All of this was an out right lie to get money! I found out when I had to call the police to get his girl friend to stop harrassing me. I was in counseling a lot, but I wish I had been taught to detach sooner. He was so out of control and in jail ( I left him there for 2 months and it was a small bond hoping it would 'cure' him) several times. Court ordered rehab for 9 months and he walked out with only a few weeks left. He had to go back with 3 additional months. I came home from work one day and a policeman was waiting for me, both of my children were in jail at the same time! I felt like trash, to this day I am not comfortable around the police. My daughters brush with the law (she was in jail for 6 months and I did not have money for bail) scared her and she road a bus almost 3 hours round trip for court ordered out patient counseling. She now has an MA and teaches and has homeschooled 2 gifted grands, both are dually enrolled high school and college. She did this because of her knowledge of the drug use at the schools. I tribute much of her success to attending meeting regularly for years. I am so sad that my son relapsed and the nightmare starts again, only this time he can not steal from me (5 hours away) and I no longer feel the guilt for trying to give him a better life. I had always hoped he would out grow the drugs and alcohol. He is now homeless, jobless, no money, no friends (jealous girlfriend has alienanted them) and he Baker Acted himself into a hospital. He called after he was released and said he had no money for food, this time I replied he would have money if they did not party so much. He told me the shelter are full and he has no place to go, I don't know if that is the truth or he just wants money. The girls mother told me they fight a lot, party a lot, and he threatens to kill himself and cuts himself. That alone scares me silly! My advice to you is to get over the guilt, and put him in every program you can. Exercise, find a hobby, support groups and counseling, and pray! I pray your son wakes up and lives up to his gifted potential. This is a wonderful online support group, very welcoming and honest! We are all looking for answers! This is my son and tough love always made him more defiant in the past, but I refuse to support a 33yo with a 37 yo b**** for a girlfriend. Blessing to you and yours. [/QUOTE]
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