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Anyone that had child diagnoised as early as 5?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 263016" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi - </p><p> </p><p>FIrst welcome to the family - second do NOT take offense at what I am going to post to you - just listen, take from it what you can - and do the best you can. What you don't know now is that what your son suffers from PTSD is a long, long process of remapping his brain and learning how to speak to him and treat him as a parent a little bit differently than your other children. WHat THEY will need therapy for is witnessing what their brother is doing and WHY it's not okay for them to mimic what he does - and that he really does have a problem. What YOU and husband will need therapy for is to learn HOW to detach, how to relate, redirect and support each other. Kids like ours often break up marriages which end in divorce. You're really going to need to know how to deal with him and the fall out of his PTSD will/can be severe at times, absurd most days and make you feel like an utter failure as a parent at any given moment. You can get looks in a grocery store, called into the school more times that you want to be called out. It will wear you down mentally, physically and if you KNOW from a trained professional WHAT you could possibly be expecting or WHAT you can do to work together as a team to help this child? You'll be better off than saying "We can't afford it -" pay now or pay later. </p><p> </p><p>All mental health county offices will see your entire family on a sliding scale fee - if you are in bankruptcy - and have little to no money - the therapy is little to no charge. Find it - make an appointment. GO to it. THey have connections and people in the know. Your school? Not going to be very helpful - they are doing what they are doing to legally cover themselves should your son hurt someone or himself. They are NOT educated to deal (most schools) with our kids - and you are going to have the benefit of educating them about him, about his problems....and it's NOT just "oh he will grow out of this with love" situation. If it were that? It would have already happened - and it hasn't - so like I said - take out of this what you want - but I've been there, and tried it, and I'm glad I stuck with therapy even when it didn't seem like it was working - some days Dude just went and played checkers, some days he sat with a pillow over his head while the therapist did some biofeedback. Some days he left therapy and was WORSE than when he went in - depending on what they touched on in his memory. But if you don't go too? You won't know how to handle that. It will just seem like you are throwing your money out the window and wasting your time. What you do when you go despite not wanting to go is establish a pattern - a place/a safe place for your child to vent. A place that will teach him how to cope with his anger, how to learn that it's okay to be angry - but HOW to appropriately deal with the anger and not stab the cat or hurt his siblings. </p><p> </p><p>If you don't get your kid into therapy LONG TERM now - and find a way to get the siblings in as well - and yourself and possibly your hubby? You're going to pay a lot more later and throughout life than you're worried about paying now. These kids LIVE to divide and conquer - they lie, they steal they cheat, they're mean and they don't want to be but at 5? Telling him "Don't do that - it's mean" is like saying "Blah blah blah blah ......balh balh." it makes about as much sense - </p><p> </p><p>There are techniques you can learn to get him to talk, open up about his feelings, talk about what is bothering him - but it's going to be up to him to decide if he's going to participate and help himself. Dude is now 18 - I've had a life of him being like your son and worse from age 4 - about 17 1/2. IT's just been in the last few months that we've seen progress - but it's like a boomerang effect - and it seems that ALL the stuff he learned/heard/stored for the last 12 years is finally being used. LIke all that help laid dormant and now he's drawing on it to try to improve himself......of course he thinks that MOST of what is going on is his doing - and I don't care - partly because he's right. No matter HOW many coping skills we put in his head - unless he knew them, and used them - they'd just be wasted. But I'm glad I know that we did do therapy for 12 years - because now he's going on his own - a pattern/habbit was established for him to have an outlet for blowing off steam and getting good answers to solving things that bug him. </p><p> </p><p>This is not an easy life. These are not children for the faint of heart. Even getting a diagnosis however close to accurate as possible? Isn't a cure - there isn't a cure other than time, retraining their brains and becoming the best unified parents you can be - and along the way helping your other kids to understand what is going on - b ecause right now? They're small and they'll forgive - in a few years - they won't forgive and your sons behavior can cause them an entirely NEW set of problems - acting out as well, or becoming introverted, feeling abused, or being uptight and having their own PTSD symptoms from their brother. </p><p> </p><p>I would not tell you what I know if I hadn't lived it. I'm sorry that it's happening to you, your son and your family - but if I told you to just batton down the hatches and hang on - I'd be doing you a disservice as a board member. I wish someone had told me early on that this takes a LIFETIME to help - no quick fixes. And in therapy you figure you get 1 hour a week - to fix something that has taken your sons entire life of 5 years to fix. So it's slow going, and occasionally there is out of home placements, or psychiatric. hospital placements to get their medications correct, and that is harder than ANYONE realizes. But it's better that they go to these places NOW while their young than you putting money in their commisary in prison when they are older because you just figured it would go away with patience or more stern parenting.....or love.....or whatever else we all thought would fix them. Self included. </p><p> </p><p>And - of course, come to the board, and get it out of your system and get ideas from others who have been where you are - and take what you can from it and leave the rest. </p><p> </p><p>Welcome - you have a lot of work ahead of you, but you have tons of support here. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 263016, member: 4964"] Hi - FIrst welcome to the family - second do NOT take offense at what I am going to post to you - just listen, take from it what you can - and do the best you can. What you don't know now is that what your son suffers from PTSD is a long, long process of remapping his brain and learning how to speak to him and treat him as a parent a little bit differently than your other children. WHat THEY will need therapy for is witnessing what their brother is doing and WHY it's not okay for them to mimic what he does - and that he really does have a problem. What YOU and husband will need therapy for is to learn HOW to detach, how to relate, redirect and support each other. Kids like ours often break up marriages which end in divorce. You're really going to need to know how to deal with him and the fall out of his PTSD will/can be severe at times, absurd most days and make you feel like an utter failure as a parent at any given moment. You can get looks in a grocery store, called into the school more times that you want to be called out. It will wear you down mentally, physically and if you KNOW from a trained professional WHAT you could possibly be expecting or WHAT you can do to work together as a team to help this child? You'll be better off than saying "We can't afford it -" pay now or pay later. All mental health county offices will see your entire family on a sliding scale fee - if you are in bankruptcy - and have little to no money - the therapy is little to no charge. Find it - make an appointment. GO to it. THey have connections and people in the know. Your school? Not going to be very helpful - they are doing what they are doing to legally cover themselves should your son hurt someone or himself. They are NOT educated to deal (most schools) with our kids - and you are going to have the benefit of educating them about him, about his problems....and it's NOT just "oh he will grow out of this with love" situation. If it were that? It would have already happened - and it hasn't - so like I said - take out of this what you want - but I've been there, and tried it, and I'm glad I stuck with therapy even when it didn't seem like it was working - some days Dude just went and played checkers, some days he sat with a pillow over his head while the therapist did some biofeedback. Some days he left therapy and was WORSE than when he went in - depending on what they touched on in his memory. But if you don't go too? You won't know how to handle that. It will just seem like you are throwing your money out the window and wasting your time. What you do when you go despite not wanting to go is establish a pattern - a place/a safe place for your child to vent. A place that will teach him how to cope with his anger, how to learn that it's okay to be angry - but HOW to appropriately deal with the anger and not stab the cat or hurt his siblings. If you don't get your kid into therapy LONG TERM now - and find a way to get the siblings in as well - and yourself and possibly your hubby? You're going to pay a lot more later and throughout life than you're worried about paying now. These kids LIVE to divide and conquer - they lie, they steal they cheat, they're mean and they don't want to be but at 5? Telling him "Don't do that - it's mean" is like saying "Blah blah blah blah ......balh balh." it makes about as much sense - There are techniques you can learn to get him to talk, open up about his feelings, talk about what is bothering him - but it's going to be up to him to decide if he's going to participate and help himself. Dude is now 18 - I've had a life of him being like your son and worse from age 4 - about 17 1/2. IT's just been in the last few months that we've seen progress - but it's like a boomerang effect - and it seems that ALL the stuff he learned/heard/stored for the last 12 years is finally being used. LIke all that help laid dormant and now he's drawing on it to try to improve himself......of course he thinks that MOST of what is going on is his doing - and I don't care - partly because he's right. No matter HOW many coping skills we put in his head - unless he knew them, and used them - they'd just be wasted. But I'm glad I know that we did do therapy for 12 years - because now he's going on his own - a pattern/habbit was established for him to have an outlet for blowing off steam and getting good answers to solving things that bug him. This is not an easy life. These are not children for the faint of heart. Even getting a diagnosis however close to accurate as possible? Isn't a cure - there isn't a cure other than time, retraining their brains and becoming the best unified parents you can be - and along the way helping your other kids to understand what is going on - b ecause right now? They're small and they'll forgive - in a few years - they won't forgive and your sons behavior can cause them an entirely NEW set of problems - acting out as well, or becoming introverted, feeling abused, or being uptight and having their own PTSD symptoms from their brother. I would not tell you what I know if I hadn't lived it. I'm sorry that it's happening to you, your son and your family - but if I told you to just batton down the hatches and hang on - I'd be doing you a disservice as a board member. I wish someone had told me early on that this takes a LIFETIME to help - no quick fixes. And in therapy you figure you get 1 hour a week - to fix something that has taken your sons entire life of 5 years to fix. So it's slow going, and occasionally there is out of home placements, or psychiatric. hospital placements to get their medications correct, and that is harder than ANYONE realizes. But it's better that they go to these places NOW while their young than you putting money in their commisary in prison when they are older because you just figured it would go away with patience or more stern parenting.....or love.....or whatever else we all thought would fix them. Self included. And - of course, come to the board, and get it out of your system and get ideas from others who have been where you are - and take what you can from it and leave the rest. Welcome - you have a lot of work ahead of you, but you have tons of support here. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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Anyone that had child diagnoised as early as 5?
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