I don't know if you guys get the British version of "Absolutely Fabulous" - it's about a totally self-absorbed mother (Edina) and her fashion-conscious friend (Patsy), both extremely selfish snobs.
In one episode, Edina is attending a new-age support group (not sure what it was for) and they had a 'talking stick' which was supposed to be passed to the person who was talking at that moment. You said your piece and then passed the stick to the next person who was waiting for it. The idea was to help people take turns, and share - definitely NOT Edina! Edina was getting so impatient she was grabbing for the stick. The group facilitator, one of those annoying, softly-spoken people, kept calmly correcting her saying, "You may not speak right now, you don't have the stick," to which Edina replied, "Then I'll buy my own stick. How much are they? Where can I get one?"
A novel approach. All of us who have been to over-controlled support groups just cracked up.
One more important rule - different people find different ways that help them cope. This needs to be accepted, as well as recognising that we shouldn't criticise someone if their coping strategy is not our own. And vice versa - the new zealot who arrives to help everyone else to discover that what worked for them will help all the others - not acceptable. The door's thataway.
Our support group was connected to disability and trying to find ways to cope. One woman actually recovered by taking a certain collection of vitamins and supplements. We were very happy for her and a few people tried the same ones, but without the same miraculous results. No recriminations - what worked for one was not the answer for another. We were glad for our friend who got better and continued to support those who did not. The aim was as positive as possible - the search for the cure is an individual one, the group was mostly about helping each other cope day to day, where we were rather than where we were aiming for. While I'd love to be physically well, in the meantime I have kids to raise, does anyone have practical suggestions on how to hang out the washing when your arms feel like lead? Easy cooking recipes? Things to say to certain doctors when they expect you to do something totally impossible?
Basically, think about what rules work on this site. Use those. Write your own procedure as you go, ask others for input. Keep it low key and relaxed and just enjoy the time together, because a burden shared is a burden halved.
Sounds like you're definitely on the right track.
Marg