I have never been diagnosis'd with a dissociative disorder, but I have dissociated in the past when severely depressed and I was even recently triggered. I've been told that the state I go into is depersonalization (but no professional has witnessed it, so it's a guess based on my description). It's a weird form of detachment. I can watch my arm and hand pick something up and it's like I'm watching someone else...it's not my hand; I'm not controlling it. I have sometimes watched in amazement. I don't recognize people I know. My body feels very heavy - like lead. I can always tell when I'm back because my body feels so much lighter.
All I can say is that if she is going into that state even when you think things are calm, generally SOMETHING is triggering her. If you have abuse that happened during the pre-verbal years of development (I'm just guessing based on my memory of what you have told us about bio-mom), it becomes extremely tricky to identify because the patient usually isn't even aware of the trigger. It can be a color, a sound, a smell, etc. A patient with this diagnosis has to learn to identify when it's happening and learn to ground themselves.
