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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 709278" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>On the other thread, Copa asked: </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em>you guys uninvolved with telling him/coaching him/pressuring him/helping him/guiding him/enforcing anything</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I don't know if that's really 100% true. I still mention finding work pretty regularly. I'm not paying his phone bill anymore. He will be asking for $. I'm sure I'll give him some. Jabber and I finally had a talk several months ago and we agreed that if I <em>want</em> to give him up to $50 a month (I won't) that I just CAN and it's not something we have to discuss. It was making me crazy to feel like I had to ask permission of my husband to spend money that's as much mine as his...just...icky. Hard to explain but it was like I was the "little woman submitting to her husband" and that's just not me and it's not US. I didn't feel like an equal; I felt controlled and oppressed - I can't even really explain it just felt <em>wrong</em> and really, it was causing problems between Jabber and me. I have issues with money stemming from a very long time ago and it just was pushing all my buttons. I don't know if he even realized how much that bothered me. I guess he does now. Sorry hun. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite10" alt=":oops:" title="Oops! :oops:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":oops:" /></p><p></p><p>But I digress. The point is, it's better. I have always done better when he's not at home. I don't worry about him because I'm not <em>supposed</em> to know where he is or what he's doing. I simply assume he's fine and go about my life. So is it better for me? YES. Is it better for him? I think so. I hope so. I mean, he has to be learning to get along without mom. If only he'd learn to stand on his own two feet and be the breadwinner now. He turns 22 next month. Yes, he's asked if there will be $ for a gift. Yes, I told him probably, but not to expect a whole lot. Then we talked about other things.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 709278, member: 17309"] On the other thread, Copa asked: [I]you guys uninvolved with telling him/coaching him/pressuring him/helping him/guiding him/enforcing anything [/I] I don't know if that's really 100% true. I still mention finding work pretty regularly. I'm not paying his phone bill anymore. He will be asking for $. I'm sure I'll give him some. Jabber and I finally had a talk several months ago and we agreed that if I [I]want[/I] to give him up to $50 a month (I won't) that I just CAN and it's not something we have to discuss. It was making me crazy to feel like I had to ask permission of my husband to spend money that's as much mine as his...just...icky. Hard to explain but it was like I was the "little woman submitting to her husband" and that's just not me and it's not US. I didn't feel like an equal; I felt controlled and oppressed - I can't even really explain it just felt [I]wrong[/I] and really, it was causing problems between Jabber and me. I have issues with money stemming from a very long time ago and it just was pushing all my buttons. I don't know if he even realized how much that bothered me. I guess he does now. Sorry hun. :oops: But I digress. The point is, it's better. I have always done better when he's not at home. I don't worry about him because I'm not [I]supposed[/I] to know where he is or what he's doing. I simply assume he's fine and go about my life. So is it better for me? YES. Is it better for him? I think so. I hope so. I mean, he has to be learning to get along without mom. If only he'd learn to stand on his own two feet and be the breadwinner now. He turns 22 next month. Yes, he's asked if there will be $ for a gift. Yes, I told him probably, but not to expect a whole lot. Then we talked about other things. [/QUOTE]
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