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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710023" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>A constellation of factors: I left the country, selling my vehicle. I did not drive abroad. When I would return I drove rental cars, most of which were American cars--I prize good handling--and these rental cars had loose steering. This gave me a sense of having lost control.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think I made myself "pay a price" for all of the mobility and confidence I gained through traveling.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think I remember losing control on the Bay Bridge (over SF Bay) in the rain, with the car spinning around in circles, but I doubt this memory.</p><p></p><p>The funny thing is that I never lost confidence with city driving. People say I drive too fast, and have too much confidence when I am on my own turf.</p><p>I am afraid of merging onto the freeway. The need to gain speed while entering the flow of traffic. My fears became cumulative. Fear begets fear. </p><p></p><p>Then I got afraid of tailgaters (outside of city); then big trucks (outside of city.)</p><p> You see, I think it was the opposite with me. The more control I seemed to gain in my life, the less control and confidence I felt driving.</p><p>This is wonderful. I have a lot of trouble with this, still, I think.</p><p></p><p>I am struggling with a sense of my absolute value...in myself...that my value is enough to be treated well just because...independent of one other thing...just because I am worth it...to me. And the sense that I am enough, just as I am. Let alone...when others try to mistreat me. I still have trouble not mistreating myself.</p><p></p><p>I was the most confident of drivers. Drove anywhere. Anytime. Not feeling confident to drive has affected my sense of mobility and efficacy across the board. I would so much want to recover this capacity. You see, I love to drive. This is the crazy part. I have driven 50 years! I still drive a stick shift. Nobody drives a stick shift! Because I love to drive.</p><p></p><p>One thing I began thinking about is that I sensed a failing of my capacity. Unconsciously. For example: night vision. I really have poor night vision. I am thinking now that I did not realize that there were specific things that changed with my capacity...that it was not only psychological. But many people my age and older lost capacity...but they adjust. They keep driving.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710023, member: 18958"] A constellation of factors: I left the country, selling my vehicle. I did not drive abroad. When I would return I drove rental cars, most of which were American cars--I prize good handling--and these rental cars had loose steering. This gave me a sense of having lost control. Sometimes I think I made myself "pay a price" for all of the mobility and confidence I gained through traveling. Sometimes I think I remember losing control on the Bay Bridge (over SF Bay) in the rain, with the car spinning around in circles, but I doubt this memory. The funny thing is that I never lost confidence with city driving. People say I drive too fast, and have too much confidence when I am on my own turf. I am afraid of merging onto the freeway. The need to gain speed while entering the flow of traffic. My fears became cumulative. Fear begets fear. Then I got afraid of tailgaters (outside of city); then big trucks (outside of city.) You see, I think it was the opposite with me. The more control I seemed to gain in my life, the less control and confidence I felt driving. This is wonderful. I have a lot of trouble with this, still, I think. I am struggling with a sense of my absolute value...in myself...that my value is enough to be treated well just because...independent of one other thing...just because I am worth it...to me. And the sense that I am enough, just as I am. Let alone...when others try to mistreat me. I still have trouble not mistreating myself. I was the most confident of drivers. Drove anywhere. Anytime. Not feeling confident to drive has affected my sense of mobility and efficacy across the board. I would so much want to recover this capacity. You see, I love to drive. This is the crazy part. I have driven 50 years! I still drive a stick shift. Nobody drives a stick shift! Because I love to drive. One thing I began thinking about is that I sensed a failing of my capacity. Unconsciously. For example: night vision. I really have poor night vision. I am thinking now that I did not realize that there were specific things that changed with my capacity...that it was not only psychological. But many people my age and older lost capacity...but they adjust. They keep driving. [/QUOTE]
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