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General Parenting
are these typical "set offs"?
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 86949" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Renee,</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, what you just described, in my humble opinion, are perfect examples of difficult child "set offs". My difficult children will have total "melt-downs" if they are asked to do anything at all that they do not want to do. It doesn't matter how reasonable the request is or how little time the request will actually take to carry out. </p><p></p><p>My difficult children, especially difficult child 1, actually enjoy the conflict that arises when asked to do something that they don't want to do. (difficult child 2 also uses tantrums to try to escape from having to do what is asked of him.) I've found that by telling them in a neutral voice that they have to do something using as few words as possible, then stating the consequences if they don't do what is requested, and walking away, is the easiest way for me to handle this. I give them a few minutes to process the information and then do what is requested of them. If they don't comply, I carry out the consequences using as few words as possible no matter how much they yell and scream. Of course, sometimes following through with the consequences is absolute HE77!!!</p><p></p><p>In our house, to try to avoid the HE77 that follows when consequences have to be carried out, my difficult children have laminated charts explaining what chores/activities they have to do on a daily basis. This same paper also explains the consequences for not doing what is expected of them. It also states that other chores/activities not mentioned on the chart must also be completed when asked, and also gives the consequences for not doing something that is asked but not on the chart. I'm getting tired just explaining this!!! It is HARD WORK raising difficult children!!!</p><p></p><p>Anyway, this method seems to work the best in our household. However, it really is time consuming having to type up all of the chores/activities that have to be done making sure that there aren't any loopholes for the difficult children to use to their advantage. I HATE LIVING WITH difficult children!!! :grrr: Their feelings of entitlement are one of the things that gets to me the most!!! :grrr: </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your difficult child. My best advice is to try and always use a neutral voice when speaking to her. Don't let her engage you in any sort of argument. Make your answers as short as possible. And, when necessary walk away from her. </p><p></p><p>I hope this helps a bit!!! I wish I had something more positive to say. WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 86949, member: 3388"] Renee, Unfortunately, what you just described, in my humble opinion, are perfect examples of difficult child "set offs". My difficult children will have total "melt-downs" if they are asked to do anything at all that they do not want to do. It doesn't matter how reasonable the request is or how little time the request will actually take to carry out. My difficult children, especially difficult child 1, actually enjoy the conflict that arises when asked to do something that they don't want to do. (difficult child 2 also uses tantrums to try to escape from having to do what is asked of him.) I've found that by telling them in a neutral voice that they have to do something using as few words as possible, then stating the consequences if they don't do what is requested, and walking away, is the easiest way for me to handle this. I give them a few minutes to process the information and then do what is requested of them. If they don't comply, I carry out the consequences using as few words as possible no matter how much they yell and scream. Of course, sometimes following through with the consequences is absolute HE77!!! In our house, to try to avoid the HE77 that follows when consequences have to be carried out, my difficult children have laminated charts explaining what chores/activities they have to do on a daily basis. This same paper also explains the consequences for not doing what is expected of them. It also states that other chores/activities not mentioned on the chart must also be completed when asked, and also gives the consequences for not doing something that is asked but not on the chart. I'm getting tired just explaining this!!! It is HARD WORK raising difficult children!!! Anyway, this method seems to work the best in our household. However, it really is time consuming having to type up all of the chores/activities that have to be done making sure that there aren't any loopholes for the difficult children to use to their advantage. I HATE LIVING WITH difficult children!!! [img]:grrr:[/img] Their feelings of entitlement are one of the things that gets to me the most!!! [img]:grrr:[/img] I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your difficult child. My best advice is to try and always use a neutral voice when speaking to her. Don't let her engage you in any sort of argument. Make your answers as short as possible. And, when necessary walk away from her. I hope this helps a bit!!! I wish I had something more positive to say. WFEN [/QUOTE]
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