Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Are we raising a sociopath?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 83840" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I wanted to reply to the part about math being his strength. </p><p></p><p>I am 43. For years I thought when it came to math that I was dumb, stupid, ignorant, couldn't get it, had no knack for math. Because I told myself that I was no good at math, when I would fall short of others expectations in other things in life I began to feel the same way about those things stupid, ignorant, couldn't get it, no knack and it snowballed. </p><p></p><p>For me it left me with very little self esteem. I was just the dumb one in the family. Everyone else was smarter than I was. The kids in class were smarter, the kids in ballet were prettier, the kids in brownies were more popular, the kids in baton would "get it", the kids at camp had a knack for canoing, I was dumb. </p><p>(see a pattern?) </p><p></p><p>A few years ago I hired a woman to do the bookkeeping for our multi-million dollar company. I hired her because she was SO smart, she GOT math, she had a knack for numbers. Her kids were smart, her husband was smart, heck the whole dang family was a genius. Her son at age 21 has a Ph.d in applied mathematics and taught at USC. 21? YUP! Genius. </p><p></p><p>I mean I told myself I had my "strengths" but...one day she was going to be out for a hysterectomy. She said "I need to show you how to do this (bookkeeping) while I'm out." I panicked, but sat there and listened. She explained what I had to do and she may as well have been talking in Chinese. She looked at me and said something I will NEVER EVER forget. "Um. okay you don't get it (and my heart sank, yes yes I was a math idiot, a dummy I was...) and THEN SHE SAID "Let's see how I can explain this so you can understand - you're a smart woman Star." WHAT? ME? Smart? HUH? So this woman proceeds to tell me the same thing but in a language that I can understand and to my amazement "I GOT IT." It made me cry. </p><p></p><p>She looked at me and without asking what was wrong.....she said "You know, I have 3 kids. Each one of them learns things differently. My oldest is a hands on learner, my middle one is like her Father in her thinking and I just let her go to him because they speak the same language, and my youngest learns by listening." It hit me then and changed my life forever that I'm NOT and never was stupid. </p><p></p><p>What I did was try to live up to the expectations that had been programmed into my brain since I was a baby. We hear things like You're a smart boy, you're a pretty girl and then we get cut loose on society and society compares us, then we "feel" we immediately fall short and we're not so pretty or so smart or fast, or good at sports and it's the beginning of our forming negative impact towards ourselves. It's awful. And it's why the psychologists have a job. </p><p></p><p>If your son has been good at math, and now isn't then my "guess" would be he has a teacher that is NOT explaining it so that he can "get it". Given another teacher a different person or persons to explain it so his brain can understand the input, I'm sure he WOULD understand. </p><p></p><p>In my life I have never wanted to go back and tell anyone off like I want to tell my 5th grade math teacher. WHat I would tell her is that SHE failed ME, I didn't fail math..I tried, I tried really hard. But when I didn't get "it" she should have gone the extra mile and found another way to explain it, and she didn't she made fun of me, and told the class with every test that I must not have studied - again, or that I'm just not keeping up and will have to be left behind. I was not dumb, she just was not the right teacher for me. </p><p></p><p>Explaining that to your son, may help him get over the fear of trying to "keep up" with someone who isn't teaching him in a manner that he can understand the material. </p><p></p><p>Hugs -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 83840, member: 4964"] I wanted to reply to the part about math being his strength. I am 43. For years I thought when it came to math that I was dumb, stupid, ignorant, couldn't get it, had no knack for math. Because I told myself that I was no good at math, when I would fall short of others expectations in other things in life I began to feel the same way about those things stupid, ignorant, couldn't get it, no knack and it snowballed. For me it left me with very little self esteem. I was just the dumb one in the family. Everyone else was smarter than I was. The kids in class were smarter, the kids in ballet were prettier, the kids in brownies were more popular, the kids in baton would "get it", the kids at camp had a knack for canoing, I was dumb. (see a pattern?) A few years ago I hired a woman to do the bookkeeping for our multi-million dollar company. I hired her because she was SO smart, she GOT math, she had a knack for numbers. Her kids were smart, her husband was smart, heck the whole dang family was a genius. Her son at age 21 has a Ph.d in applied mathematics and taught at USC. 21? YUP! Genius. I mean I told myself I had my "strengths" but...one day she was going to be out for a hysterectomy. She said "I need to show you how to do this (bookkeeping) while I'm out." I panicked, but sat there and listened. She explained what I had to do and she may as well have been talking in Chinese. She looked at me and said something I will NEVER EVER forget. "Um. okay you don't get it (and my heart sank, yes yes I was a math idiot, a dummy I was...) and THEN SHE SAID "Let's see how I can explain this so you can understand - you're a smart woman Star." WHAT? ME? Smart? HUH? So this woman proceeds to tell me the same thing but in a language that I can understand and to my amazement "I GOT IT." It made me cry. She looked at me and without asking what was wrong.....she said "You know, I have 3 kids. Each one of them learns things differently. My oldest is a hands on learner, my middle one is like her Father in her thinking and I just let her go to him because they speak the same language, and my youngest learns by listening." It hit me then and changed my life forever that I'm NOT and never was stupid. What I did was try to live up to the expectations that had been programmed into my brain since I was a baby. We hear things like You're a smart boy, you're a pretty girl and then we get cut loose on society and society compares us, then we "feel" we immediately fall short and we're not so pretty or so smart or fast, or good at sports and it's the beginning of our forming negative impact towards ourselves. It's awful. And it's why the psychologists have a job. If your son has been good at math, and now isn't then my "guess" would be he has a teacher that is NOT explaining it so that he can "get it". Given another teacher a different person or persons to explain it so his brain can understand the input, I'm sure he WOULD understand. In my life I have never wanted to go back and tell anyone off like I want to tell my 5th grade math teacher. WHat I would tell her is that SHE failed ME, I didn't fail math..I tried, I tried really hard. But when I didn't get "it" she should have gone the extra mile and found another way to explain it, and she didn't she made fun of me, and told the class with every test that I must not have studied - again, or that I'm just not keeping up and will have to be left behind. I was not dumb, she just was not the right teacher for me. Explaining that to your son, may help him get over the fear of trying to "keep up" with someone who isn't teaching him in a manner that he can understand the material. Hugs - [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Are we raising a sociopath?
Top