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Parent Emeritus
Are you glad you had kids? I open my heart to you:
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 99011" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I agree with Suz. He may one day grow more into the person you had hoped to raise, but he if doesn't you are going to have to accept the person he is or it will eat you into pieces. You did the best you could with him. You showed him the values that were important, it was his choice whether to reject or accept those values.</p><p></p><p>Unrequited love is always painful -- whether from an SO or a child. The best you can do is set them free. If they love you, they'll come back. It is a cliche but it is one with a lot of truth in it. </p><p></p><p>I learned long ago that my daughter loves me so long as she needs me. The second she thinks she can survive with others, she is not just out the house, but I am out of the picture. She truly does the best she can with the love she has. It is up to me to accept or reject what she has to offer. I love her enough to accept her love on her capabilities, not my needs.</p><p></p><p>The first time she left, I tried to get her back -- I tried bribes; I tried guilt; I was shameless. I was almost a stalker. None of it brought her home until her "friends" kicked her out and she was on the verge of homeless. The second time, I let her go; I didn't contact her; she called me when she needed a home again. The third time, I let her go again; she called, I didn't let her come home; I waited until she was truly homeless and miserable. She's home, she loves me. She will leave again when something "better" comes along. I accept that. I'm just hoping that the next time will be a better move and that I will hear from her when she moves out, but if not, I'll still love her and still be there for her. That's all we can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 99011, member: 3626"] I agree with Suz. He may one day grow more into the person you had hoped to raise, but he if doesn't you are going to have to accept the person he is or it will eat you into pieces. You did the best you could with him. You showed him the values that were important, it was his choice whether to reject or accept those values. Unrequited love is always painful -- whether from an SO or a child. The best you can do is set them free. If they love you, they'll come back. It is a cliche but it is one with a lot of truth in it. I learned long ago that my daughter loves me so long as she needs me. The second she thinks she can survive with others, she is not just out the house, but I am out of the picture. She truly does the best she can with the love she has. It is up to me to accept or reject what she has to offer. I love her enough to accept her love on her capabilities, not my needs. The first time she left, I tried to get her back -- I tried bribes; I tried guilt; I was shameless. I was almost a stalker. None of it brought her home until her "friends" kicked her out and she was on the verge of homeless. The second time, I let her go; I didn't contact her; she called me when she needed a home again. The third time, I let her go again; she called, I didn't let her come home; I waited until she was truly homeless and miserable. She's home, she loves me. She will leave again when something "better" comes along. I accept that. I'm just hoping that the next time will be a better move and that I will hear from her when she moves out, but if not, I'll still love her and still be there for her. That's all we can do. [/QUOTE]
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Are you glad you had kids? I open my heart to you:
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