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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 338099" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry the weekend was so rough. I hate weekends like that, but am very familiar with them.</p><p></p><p>We had the theft issue too. Mostly Wiz took stuff he knew we would not allow or that he did not have money at the time to pay for and we would not pay for it. We learned years before that loaning him the money just meant, in his mind, that he could have it with-o paying for it. Getting the money out of him just was not possible. We even tried buying the item to hold it until he earned the money to pay for it. Wiz would just go and steal the item from us, again not paying for it. He even cut through a locked wooden box to get at $3 item. Drove me batty.</p><p></p><p>Taking him back to the store and letting them impose whatever consequences they decide is a very good step. But it is very hard too.</p><p></p><p>For a while I gave up on the family dinners. Just didn't do them. The outbursts, meltdowns, demands and awful behaviors were exhausting. And then Wiz would go off. NOT joking or LOL or anything. First the family would decide that Wiz was fine and all the things I did to help were unnecessary cause he was "just fine" at the beginning of the meal (even when he was clearly NOT fine, but not screaming or hurting anyone). Then Wiz would reach his limits and lose it. </p><p></p><p>Oh, the looks. Pity, "What kind of mother are you" looks, and all the others. You have my sympathy and empathy. Cause the looks HOOVER. </p><p></p><p>While easy child may have been out of line, she had probably had all she could take and then some. It didn't help the situation, but it is understandable mostly. At least that is in my opinion. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what consequences should be. What would happen if you had difficult child eat in another room while you had the family dinner? Could he be amused with a video or computer game or something? It would not help his behavior, but it would give you a chance for a relaxing/enjoyable family dinner. I know that you want him there as part of the family, but it might be a way to start to have the dinners be pleasant and relaxed. Maybe after a few dinners where he ate and amused himself in another room, then he could join you for dessert, or appetizers. Slowly build up until he can be relatively well mannered at the table. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what causes that well of anger that bubbles up in some of our kids. About the age when you say he started being rude and angry with your daughter, Wiz started telling us that all women/girls were "from the devil" and that GOOD men must punish them constantly to "save" them. I FINALLY tracked the source of this down. He did a sleepover at another little boy's house. I didn't have much use for the dad before this, and despised him after. </p><p></p><p>Dad woke the boys up at midnight because it was "the witching hour" and showed them a scary movie with witches in it. Not a full-out Halloween style horror movie, but it was enough horror to really stick with Wiz.</p><p></p><p>There were various religious overtones in this, about saving the witches and having them "turn to Christ" for punishment and salvation (both occurring in a pit of fire).</p><p></p><p>Immediately after this Wiz started ramping up the way he would hurt Jessica because he didn't want her to "become a witch" and the only way to save a witch is to beat the devil/demon out of her and then burn her in a pit of fire. </p><p></p><p>To this day I than God that Wiz never got Jessie to the point where he thought he had beaten the "devil" out of her. I have had nightmares off and on for years about what would have happened if we hadn't gotten him help for this.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you luck and hoping you know you are not alone. </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 338099, member: 1233"] I am sorry the weekend was so rough. I hate weekends like that, but am very familiar with them. We had the theft issue too. Mostly Wiz took stuff he knew we would not allow or that he did not have money at the time to pay for and we would not pay for it. We learned years before that loaning him the money just meant, in his mind, that he could have it with-o paying for it. Getting the money out of him just was not possible. We even tried buying the item to hold it until he earned the money to pay for it. Wiz would just go and steal the item from us, again not paying for it. He even cut through a locked wooden box to get at $3 item. Drove me batty. Taking him back to the store and letting them impose whatever consequences they decide is a very good step. But it is very hard too. For a while I gave up on the family dinners. Just didn't do them. The outbursts, meltdowns, demands and awful behaviors were exhausting. And then Wiz would go off. NOT joking or LOL or anything. First the family would decide that Wiz was fine and all the things I did to help were unnecessary cause he was "just fine" at the beginning of the meal (even when he was clearly NOT fine, but not screaming or hurting anyone). Then Wiz would reach his limits and lose it. Oh, the looks. Pity, "What kind of mother are you" looks, and all the others. You have my sympathy and empathy. Cause the looks HOOVER. While easy child may have been out of line, she had probably had all she could take and then some. It didn't help the situation, but it is understandable mostly. At least that is in my opinion. I don't know what consequences should be. What would happen if you had difficult child eat in another room while you had the family dinner? Could he be amused with a video or computer game or something? It would not help his behavior, but it would give you a chance for a relaxing/enjoyable family dinner. I know that you want him there as part of the family, but it might be a way to start to have the dinners be pleasant and relaxed. Maybe after a few dinners where he ate and amused himself in another room, then he could join you for dessert, or appetizers. Slowly build up until he can be relatively well mannered at the table. I don't know what causes that well of anger that bubbles up in some of our kids. About the age when you say he started being rude and angry with your daughter, Wiz started telling us that all women/girls were "from the devil" and that GOOD men must punish them constantly to "save" them. I FINALLY tracked the source of this down. He did a sleepover at another little boy's house. I didn't have much use for the dad before this, and despised him after. Dad woke the boys up at midnight because it was "the witching hour" and showed them a scary movie with witches in it. Not a full-out Halloween style horror movie, but it was enough horror to really stick with Wiz. There were various religious overtones in this, about saving the witches and having them "turn to Christ" for punishment and salvation (both occurring in a pit of fire). Immediately after this Wiz started ramping up the way he would hurt Jessica because he didn't want her to "become a witch" and the only way to save a witch is to beat the devil/demon out of her and then burn her in a pit of fire. To this day I than God that Wiz never got Jessie to the point where he thought he had beaten the "devil" out of her. I have had nightmares off and on for years about what would have happened if we hadn't gotten him help for this. Wishing you luck and hoping you know you are not alone. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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