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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 640426" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Shiela,</p><p> </p><p>I am so happy that you have decided to go to Florida.</p><p> </p><p>I do hope your son and daughter utilize the services that are available to them and that they both start to get their lives on a better path. I say this with guarded optomism as I have been down that path too many times. My son was very good at telling me what I wanted to hear, he was also very good at decieving me, living a lie, making it appear that he had changed when in reality he had not. He would play these games because as long as he was "trying" I would continue to help him. It took me many years to realize he was playing me. Then the real fun started, he would accuse me of not loving him; "if you really loved me you would help me, you wouldn't let me live like this", this would lead into huge arguments because I would try and assure him that I did love him but that I could do nothing else for him, I had already tried helping him, paying rent for him, buying clothes, furniture, food, cell phone, car, etc............, he was a master at talking in circles and would leave me exhausted, frustrated and hurt.</p><p>What I learned from all of this is not engage him. When he would start in on whatever, I no longer would try to defend myself or my actions, <strong><u>I would keep my responses very short and very simple.</u></strong> My standard response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". He would still try to argue but I wouldn't agrue back.</p><p> </p><p>Bottom line, you have gone above and beyond what you should have for your adult children. Don't allow them to hold you hostage by threats, especially threats of not seeing your grandchildren no matter how much that hurts. Understand that they will be desperate to not lose the financial support you have been giving them and they will do and say whatever they can to try and continue to control you. <u><strong>They cannot control you unless you give them that power.</strong></u></p><p> </p><p>I truly hope you will learn from the wisdom on these pages so that you can save yourself from needless heartache and pain.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and hope you enjoy the Florida Sunshine.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/goodluck.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":goodluck:" title="goodluck :goodluck:" data-shortname=":goodluck:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 640426, member: 18516"] Shiela, I am so happy that you have decided to go to Florida. I do hope your son and daughter utilize the services that are available to them and that they both start to get their lives on a better path. I say this with guarded optomism as I have been down that path too many times. My son was very good at telling me what I wanted to hear, he was also very good at decieving me, living a lie, making it appear that he had changed when in reality he had not. He would play these games because as long as he was "trying" I would continue to help him. It took me many years to realize he was playing me. Then the real fun started, he would accuse me of not loving him; "if you really loved me you would help me, you wouldn't let me live like this", this would lead into huge arguments because I would try and assure him that I did love him but that I could do nothing else for him, I had already tried helping him, paying rent for him, buying clothes, furniture, food, cell phone, car, etc............, he was a master at talking in circles and would leave me exhausted, frustrated and hurt. What I learned from all of this is not engage him. When he would start in on whatever, I no longer would try to defend myself or my actions, [B][U]I would keep my responses very short and very simple.[/U][/B] My standard response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". He would still try to argue but I wouldn't agrue back. Bottom line, you have gone above and beyond what you should have for your adult children. Don't allow them to hold you hostage by threats, especially threats of not seeing your grandchildren no matter how much that hurts. Understand that they will be desperate to not lose the financial support you have been giving them and they will do and say whatever they can to try and continue to control you. [U][B]They cannot control you unless you give them that power.[/B][/U] I truly hope you will learn from the wisdom on these pages so that you can save yourself from needless heartache and pain. I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving and hope you enjoy the Florida Sunshine. :goodluck: [/QUOTE]
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