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Aspergers young adult disrespectful to parent
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<blockquote data-quote="GoingNorth" data-source="post: 681426" data-attributes="member: 1963"><p>High-Functioning Autism (HFA) (high functioning autistic) kids tend to learn their behaviors with adults from the behaviors of adults around they interact with.</p><p></p><p>IOTW, if you raise your voice to an High-Functioning Autism (HFA) child, they will raise their voice when speaking to you. They don't pick up on the "respect due to age" that NT kids do.</p><p></p><p>My mother (also an Aspie) still laughs about the number of times she told me something was for "grown ups" and my response was, "Why?" I really didn't understand the distinction at all.</p><p></p><p>So, with a High-Functioning Autism (HFA) kiddo, you really have to model the respect to them, that you hope to receive from them.</p><p></p><p>Yelling at or hitting a High-Functioning Autism (HFA) child is hopeless, unless you want a child that yells at and hits you, because in the child's eyes,your behavior has shown him that that is the right way to respond to that given situation.</p><p></p><p>Trust me on this. At nearly 56, and diagnosed "autistic" in my 40s, I am STILL learning how to be "human". The big thing is that most human interactions require conscious thought from me.</p><p></p><p>Many, that I learned as an infant or toddler have become ingrained and are now automatic.</p><p></p><p>Some reactions confuse me and I have trouble reading facial expressions in humans, but excel at reading voices. (Hence, spent most of my career not far from a phone if not actually under a headset.) Also, my body language stinks, and I have what the psychiatric folks refer to as a "flat affect" other than using gestures when talking. I have very little facial expression when speaking.</p><p></p><p>Autism runs rampant through the maternal side of my family and bipolar through the paternal side. I happened to luck out and both sides peed in my gene pool.</p><p></p><p>My "oh look, we've got another one" was noticed in infancy and my mother had a lot of support in raising me as an infant and toddler. I was in sped when I started school, but skimmed off in 1st grade to attend a special program for gifted children that I remained until we moved when I was in 6th grade. </p><p></p><p>I didn't have much trouble at the program at the new school as there were 8 students with 2 teachers, and I think I was the least autistic kid in the class and ran around "mother-henning" the other students as I was the only hyperlexic in the class and a few of the kids had trouble with speech and reading.</p><p></p><p>Fascinating education though. I'll lay odds I'm the only American-born individual in Milwaukee-metro who can not only catch a salmon with a Netsilik Eskimo fishing spear, but can make the spear. (Provided someone kills the caribou for me so I can carve the tines of the spear for its bones, and use its sinews and blood to glue the whole thing together.</p><p></p><p>Also, boys raised by single-moms hit a difficult stage in their teens where they become hormonally primed to challenge the alpha male for pack leadership. This usually ends after a few years with the teen submitting and forming new, more adult bond with the senior male.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, with only the mother there, the drives are turned onto the mother, which leads to a lot of ugliness because the mother isn't wired to fulfil this particular need in the child, and because the child isn't getting that need met.</p><p></p><p>Something that can really help is to find a male mentor for the child (especially helpful with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) boys). BOYs and Girls' Clubs are a good source. Many religious organizations have mentoring programs. If you are not comfortable with religion, many park districts and the YMCA offer programs for teen boys.</p><p></p><p>You're not looking for someone to "beat a little sense" into the kid. You are looking for someone who can do a "us men" thing with the kid, while modeling proper male behavior in society.</p><p></p><p>I had the female version, called a Big Sister for a few years and she was quite helpful, especially when it came to dragging me out in society and subtly teaching me how to behave in public, especially when I'd much rather have my face in the 60s version of videogames: a BOOK!</p><p></p><p>It helped me, and i had a father in-house. But, he worked a lot of hours and he treated me more as if I were the son he never had.</p><p></p><p>My Big Sister treated me as I were a girl. Which taught me a new social game to play, though as a teen, I made the decision that being girly wasn't for me. I can still clean up nice if I have to.</p><p></p><p>She also taught me how to talk to men in authority which came very much in handy years later when I hit the job scene, and how to talk to boys about "dating and that sort of thing", which stood me in good stead during my dating years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GoingNorth, post: 681426, member: 1963"] High-Functioning Autism (HFA) (high functioning autistic) kids tend to learn their behaviors with adults from the behaviors of adults around they interact with. IOTW, if you raise your voice to an High-Functioning Autism (HFA) child, they will raise their voice when speaking to you. They don't pick up on the "respect due to age" that NT kids do. My mother (also an Aspie) still laughs about the number of times she told me something was for "grown ups" and my response was, "Why?" I really didn't understand the distinction at all. So, with a High-Functioning Autism (HFA) kiddo, you really have to model the respect to them, that you hope to receive from them. Yelling at or hitting a High-Functioning Autism (HFA) child is hopeless, unless you want a child that yells at and hits you, because in the child's eyes,your behavior has shown him that that is the right way to respond to that given situation. Trust me on this. At nearly 56, and diagnosed "autistic" in my 40s, I am STILL learning how to be "human". The big thing is that most human interactions require conscious thought from me. Many, that I learned as an infant or toddler have become ingrained and are now automatic. Some reactions confuse me and I have trouble reading facial expressions in humans, but excel at reading voices. (Hence, spent most of my career not far from a phone if not actually under a headset.) Also, my body language stinks, and I have what the psychiatric folks refer to as a "flat affect" other than using gestures when talking. I have very little facial expression when speaking. Autism runs rampant through the maternal side of my family and bipolar through the paternal side. I happened to luck out and both sides peed in my gene pool. My "oh look, we've got another one" was noticed in infancy and my mother had a lot of support in raising me as an infant and toddler. I was in sped when I started school, but skimmed off in 1st grade to attend a special program for gifted children that I remained until we moved when I was in 6th grade. I didn't have much trouble at the program at the new school as there were 8 students with 2 teachers, and I think I was the least autistic kid in the class and ran around "mother-henning" the other students as I was the only hyperlexic in the class and a few of the kids had trouble with speech and reading. Fascinating education though. I'll lay odds I'm the only American-born individual in Milwaukee-metro who can not only catch a salmon with a Netsilik Eskimo fishing spear, but can make the spear. (Provided someone kills the caribou for me so I can carve the tines of the spear for its bones, and use its sinews and blood to glue the whole thing together. Also, boys raised by single-moms hit a difficult stage in their teens where they become hormonally primed to challenge the alpha male for pack leadership. This usually ends after a few years with the teen submitting and forming new, more adult bond with the senior male. Unfortunately, with only the mother there, the drives are turned onto the mother, which leads to a lot of ugliness because the mother isn't wired to fulfil this particular need in the child, and because the child isn't getting that need met. Something that can really help is to find a male mentor for the child (especially helpful with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) boys). BOYs and Girls' Clubs are a good source. Many religious organizations have mentoring programs. If you are not comfortable with religion, many park districts and the YMCA offer programs for teen boys. You're not looking for someone to "beat a little sense" into the kid. You are looking for someone who can do a "us men" thing with the kid, while modeling proper male behavior in society. I had the female version, called a Big Sister for a few years and she was quite helpful, especially when it came to dragging me out in society and subtly teaching me how to behave in public, especially when I'd much rather have my face in the 60s version of videogames: a BOOK! It helped me, and i had a father in-house. But, he worked a lot of hours and he treated me more as if I were the son he never had. My Big Sister treated me as I were a girl. Which taught me a new social game to play, though as a teen, I made the decision that being girly wasn't for me. I can still clean up nice if I have to. She also taught me how to talk to men in authority which came very much in handy years later when I hit the job scene, and how to talk to boys about "dating and that sort of thing", which stood me in good stead during my dating years. [/QUOTE]
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