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Substance Abuse
At a crossroads, need advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 656534" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>This is so true, Somewhere--</p><p></p><p>Lovemyson1, there was a time not that long ago that I would have been considering the same as you, and in fact my heroin-addicted son did live with me for 18 months after having been on his own for 10 years. He and his family just moved out about a week ago. My son had been on heroin for about a year when he was arrested and given house arrest (at our house). Between his incarceration and house arrest, he was clean for 8 months. I was elated, thought he had "beat it," and then he relapsed as soon as they removed his ankle monitor, the same week in fact. He's still using, though not as heavily as before, but is (I think) sincerely trying to quit now. He goes to counseling and a 12-step program. Let's just say the relapses aren't as frequent as before.</p><p></p><p>Now that your son is not living with you, the boundary is already there. You just need to enforce it by not offering him to move back or, at the very least, by putting up a strict deadline for him to get an apartment and a job. My son was "forced" to move by the fact that my daughter needed to move back into her old bedroom (college semester was over). I gave him and family a few months notice. When it turned out that she wasn't moving back after all, I told them that they still needed to find their own place and it was time to move on. By that time, son and daughter in law both had jobs. They're now quite happy to be on their own again.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This part of your post is worrisome, as it looks like you're setting yourself up for a lot of "policing" of the situation. I'm afraid you'll be working harder and worrying more than your son will. His recovery needs to be his project, not yours. Of course, you can give him moral support, but you can't do it for him. If you let him move back, I would set up some very simple and specific rules (ie. no drug use, not having friends over without permission, curfew, etc.) and take action if he violates your house rules. Constant monitoring is just exhausting, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Take care, Lovemyson1, and try to relax and go with your heart to the right decision. The other posters have offered great advice and suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 656534, member: 18099"] This is so true, Somewhere-- Lovemyson1, there was a time not that long ago that I would have been considering the same as you, and in fact my heroin-addicted son did live with me for 18 months after having been on his own for 10 years. He and his family just moved out about a week ago. My son had been on heroin for about a year when he was arrested and given house arrest (at our house). Between his incarceration and house arrest, he was clean for 8 months. I was elated, thought he had "beat it," and then he relapsed as soon as they removed his ankle monitor, the same week in fact. He's still using, though not as heavily as before, but is (I think) sincerely trying to quit now. He goes to counseling and a 12-step program. Let's just say the relapses aren't as frequent as before. Now that your son is not living with you, the boundary is already there. You just need to enforce it by not offering him to move back or, at the very least, by putting up a strict deadline for him to get an apartment and a job. My son was "forced" to move by the fact that my daughter needed to move back into her old bedroom (college semester was over). I gave him and family a few months notice. When it turned out that she wasn't moving back after all, I told them that they still needed to find their own place and it was time to move on. By that time, son and daughter in law both had jobs. They're now quite happy to be on their own again. This part of your post is worrisome, as it looks like you're setting yourself up for a lot of "policing" of the situation. I'm afraid you'll be working harder and worrying more than your son will. His recovery needs to be his project, not yours. Of course, you can give him moral support, but you can't do it for him. If you let him move back, I would set up some very simple and specific rules (ie. no drug use, not having friends over without permission, curfew, etc.) and take action if he violates your house rules. Constant monitoring is just exhausting, in my opinion. Take care, Lovemyson1, and try to relax and go with your heart to the right decision. The other posters have offered great advice and suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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At a crossroads, need advice please
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