My husband is working with a family right now, the son lives on his “own”. I put own in quotation marks because even though he lives elsewhere his mother is doing everything for him still. She goes over and cleans his house, even does his laundry. She cannot accept her part in why her son is the way he is and why she keeps calling my husband in panic if her son does not call her at such and such time.
Before I would have never saw myself as this mother above but now, I could kick myself so hard for the things I let happen with my daughter. Have a much clearer understanding of my own part in keeping my child dependent on ME. I tell this a lot on here….my daughter told me, “I don’t ask for money or help but, if your going to give it to me…I am going to take it.” Your son being in the very same situation as my daughter may not be pondering how he is going to change, how HE will make his life better. His thoughts are most likely….how can I get Mom to help me get out, what words should I use into manipulating her to do so? To guilt her into thinking she HAS to do this for me because….it’s not my fault that I am this way. My daughter has even threatened suicide so many times….”If I get into jail again am going to kill myself.” Did not happen thank God but you can see the trickery they use to get their way.
At some point I hope you too see yourself as I do now. Someone whose life has value and meaning, who deserves peace, who deserves healthy relationships with other family members. There is no guilt in focusing on you, and letting your son take over the reins during this jail sentence. He can talk to social workers, doctors, psychiatrists, other inmates. He has to want to try. 
