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At my wits end any little help would be appreciated!
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 456861" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>1 + 1 = 2. been there done that.</p><p></p><p>Behavior is the LAST item on the list. It is the result of everything else. </p><p>If you focus on trying to solve the behavior, <u>everyone </u>loses. That doesn't mean you ignore the behavior. But you have to wrap your head around the rest of the picture.</p><p></p><p>He started school with handicaps and disabilities that were not recognized, and therefore did not have anywhere close to the supports he needed. The result is:</p><p>- school "failure" (they don't fail them but these kids know when they are not having success - and the other kids do too)</p><p>- anxiety and depression - he cannot do what his peers do, cannot keep up with teacher expectations, etc.</p><p>- behavior challenges - he is basically going insane. he can't handle the situation... and is lashing out in desperation.</p><p></p><p>From experience...</p><p>1) there will be MORE going on than you even know about right now. You are going to have to be pushing for all sorts of testing and not just the "normal screening" stuff. Motor skills issues? gross issues affect self-esteem and peer acceptance and contribute to the anxiety and depression. Fine skills issues have a direct impact on school success, as well as keeping up with peers (takes too long to change for PE, for example, or too long to get coat and boots on to go outside for recess). Hearing issues, language processing issues, trouble filtering background noise - these are HUGE, and while you might get screening on the first two, you'll have to really fight for the last one as it's only been recognized more recently.</p><p></p><p>2) He probably needs significantly more accomodations and interventions than he is getting. Warrior Mom time!</p><p></p><p>3) The anxiety and depression are the result of the past - but must be dealt with simultaneously with getting help for issues.</p><p></p><p>4) Attachment issues can come out of the above combo - nobody has been able to do anything to make life better, so the kid decides its up to him to run his own life and take what he can get, because he hasn't got much to lose. Re-building a solid connection with this kid is absolutely vital.</p><p></p><p>Once you get past those areas... behaviors usually self-correct.</p><p>In the mean time - no, he can't profit from stealing (toys go back, money get paid back and he can't keep what he spent it on, etc.). And every time he does it, you have to get inside his brain and figure out why he stole that particular thing. Money, for example... to buy candy, either as a self-medicating thing (carbs affect mood) or to buy friendship from other kids. Understanding the reasons enables you to start meeting needs.</p><p></p><p>Its a tough road. There is no magic wand. Its a process - and the sooner you can get the process running in high gear, the better off you all will be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 456861, member: 11791"] 1 + 1 = 2. been there done that. Behavior is the LAST item on the list. It is the result of everything else. If you focus on trying to solve the behavior, [U]everyone [/U]loses. That doesn't mean you ignore the behavior. But you have to wrap your head around the rest of the picture. He started school with handicaps and disabilities that were not recognized, and therefore did not have anywhere close to the supports he needed. The result is: - school "failure" (they don't fail them but these kids know when they are not having success - and the other kids do too) - anxiety and depression - he cannot do what his peers do, cannot keep up with teacher expectations, etc. - behavior challenges - he is basically going insane. he can't handle the situation... and is lashing out in desperation. From experience... 1) there will be MORE going on than you even know about right now. You are going to have to be pushing for all sorts of testing and not just the "normal screening" stuff. Motor skills issues? gross issues affect self-esteem and peer acceptance and contribute to the anxiety and depression. Fine skills issues have a direct impact on school success, as well as keeping up with peers (takes too long to change for PE, for example, or too long to get coat and boots on to go outside for recess). Hearing issues, language processing issues, trouble filtering background noise - these are HUGE, and while you might get screening on the first two, you'll have to really fight for the last one as it's only been recognized more recently. 2) He probably needs significantly more accomodations and interventions than he is getting. Warrior Mom time! 3) The anxiety and depression are the result of the past - but must be dealt with simultaneously with getting help for issues. 4) Attachment issues can come out of the above combo - nobody has been able to do anything to make life better, so the kid decides its up to him to run his own life and take what he can get, because he hasn't got much to lose. Re-building a solid connection with this kid is absolutely vital. Once you get past those areas... behaviors usually self-correct. In the mean time - no, he can't profit from stealing (toys go back, money get paid back and he can't keep what he spent it on, etc.). And every time he does it, you have to get inside his brain and figure out why he stole that particular thing. Money, for example... to buy candy, either as a self-medicating thing (carbs affect mood) or to buy friendship from other kids. Understanding the reasons enables you to start meeting needs. Its a tough road. There is no magic wand. Its a process - and the sooner you can get the process running in high gear, the better off you all will be. [/QUOTE]
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