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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 756488" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi! I have been on this forum for years, but I only pop in occasionally now. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Warning - I tend to write a LOT! </p><p></p><p>I have an exercise for you. It is fast, and takes no brain power. Do it as a favor to me, if you would. Put your right hand on your left bicep. Keep it there. Put your left hand on your right bicep. Now squeeze gently and firmly. </p><p></p><p>That was a big hug from me!!! You NEEDED it! Repeat as many times as needed!</p><p></p><p>Now, It sounds like you are in the US. You have the same HIPPA rights as anyone else. But of course word gets around. As soon as you can, find a doctor in a nearby town and get some medications and a recommendation to a counselor. I struggled with taking medications for my mental health for years. Until my son needed them. If it was okay for me to medicate his hyperactivity, mood swings and violence, why wasn't it okay to medicate my depression? Sounded like a double standard to me, and I don't deal with with those in my life. I do know how people talk, and I can see why you wouldn't want your business all over the hospital/medical community in your area. But I bet you would be surprised by how many people take medications for mental health issues. Even in your profession.</p><p></p><p>You don't have to be perfect, look perfect, or act perfectly. That may be a revelation, it is to many women. It was to me at one time. You are ALLOWED to not be perfect. Women fall into the trap of thinking we need to do everything perfectly. Perfect isn't real. Perfect is plastic like Barbie and disposable forks. I don't want to be a Barbie or a disposable fork. I want to be REAL. Real isn't perfect. It is a fresh picked apple with a bruise that you eat anyway and it tastes SO AMAZING because it came straight off of the tree! Real is when you forgot that item on your list but you figure out a way to make it work without it. Real is freckles and stretch marks and saggy boobs and mascara that runs. I like freckles. I am PROUD of my stretch marks and saggy boobs - they show the world that I cared enough to have kids and to breastfeed them. If my mascara runs, I was playing in the rain or I felt some deep emotion and cried or I played with an animal that made my eyes water. </p><p></p><p>Let yourself be real. Once you can do that, you can let your kids fail. You can stop paying their way through the world so that people won't think you failed to raise them properly. Or so you won't think you are a bad mother because your son had to pay rent and he got angry and abusive. But you can't get to the "make the kids be actual adults" until you settle into learning to love yourself warts and all. </p><p></p><p>Please don't let your son abuse you. My mother figured out how to get my Difficult Child Older Brother to stop ranting at her. She just gets up and walks away. She has left him in parks, at restaurants, even at her own table. She doesn't say goodbye or anything else. Just stands up and leaves him. He thought she had dementia setting in at one point because she kept walking away while he was talking. I laughed so hard. Then I told him she was done being ranted/yelled at or berated. She didn't want to fight, so she just left him to rant/berate away at the wall. He was POSITIVE that I was wrong and we needed to go to court to get guardianship of her, lol!!! I declined his invitation to help with that process. </p><p></p><p>In time, when you are ready, you will figure out how to take the steps you know you need to take. Your kids will be pissed, but that can be their problem, just like my brother's lack of audience for his ranting is my brother's problem. </p><p></p><p>I am really sorry that you feel so depressed and miserable. Know that we are not just spouting words at you. We truly get it. We know how hard it is to deal with kids like your son and daughter. We have had to deal with our own abusive kids and other family members. Your son sounds much like my older brother. So you have found kindred spirits who aren't going to just mmmm-hmmm you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 756488, member: 1233"] Hi! I have been on this forum for years, but I only pop in occasionally now. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Warning - I tend to write a LOT! I have an exercise for you. It is fast, and takes no brain power. Do it as a favor to me, if you would. Put your right hand on your left bicep. Keep it there. Put your left hand on your right bicep. Now squeeze gently and firmly. That was a big hug from me!!! You NEEDED it! Repeat as many times as needed! Now, It sounds like you are in the US. You have the same HIPPA rights as anyone else. But of course word gets around. As soon as you can, find a doctor in a nearby town and get some medications and a recommendation to a counselor. I struggled with taking medications for my mental health for years. Until my son needed them. If it was okay for me to medicate his hyperactivity, mood swings and violence, why wasn't it okay to medicate my depression? Sounded like a double standard to me, and I don't deal with with those in my life. I do know how people talk, and I can see why you wouldn't want your business all over the hospital/medical community in your area. But I bet you would be surprised by how many people take medications for mental health issues. Even in your profession. You don't have to be perfect, look perfect, or act perfectly. That may be a revelation, it is to many women. It was to me at one time. You are ALLOWED to not be perfect. Women fall into the trap of thinking we need to do everything perfectly. Perfect isn't real. Perfect is plastic like Barbie and disposable forks. I don't want to be a Barbie or a disposable fork. I want to be REAL. Real isn't perfect. It is a fresh picked apple with a bruise that you eat anyway and it tastes SO AMAZING because it came straight off of the tree! Real is when you forgot that item on your list but you figure out a way to make it work without it. Real is freckles and stretch marks and saggy boobs and mascara that runs. I like freckles. I am PROUD of my stretch marks and saggy boobs - they show the world that I cared enough to have kids and to breastfeed them. If my mascara runs, I was playing in the rain or I felt some deep emotion and cried or I played with an animal that made my eyes water. Let yourself be real. Once you can do that, you can let your kids fail. You can stop paying their way through the world so that people won't think you failed to raise them properly. Or so you won't think you are a bad mother because your son had to pay rent and he got angry and abusive. But you can't get to the "make the kids be actual adults" until you settle into learning to love yourself warts and all. Please don't let your son abuse you. My mother figured out how to get my Difficult Child Older Brother to stop ranting at her. She just gets up and walks away. She has left him in parks, at restaurants, even at her own table. She doesn't say goodbye or anything else. Just stands up and leaves him. He thought she had dementia setting in at one point because she kept walking away while he was talking. I laughed so hard. Then I told him she was done being ranted/yelled at or berated. She didn't want to fight, so she just left him to rant/berate away at the wall. He was POSITIVE that I was wrong and we needed to go to court to get guardianship of her, lol!!! I declined his invitation to help with that process. In time, when you are ready, you will figure out how to take the steps you know you need to take. Your kids will be pissed, but that can be their problem, just like my brother's lack of audience for his ranting is my brother's problem. I am really sorry that you feel so depressed and miserable. Know that we are not just spouting words at you. We truly get it. We know how hard it is to deal with kids like your son and daughter. We have had to deal with our own abusive kids and other family members. Your son sounds much like my older brother. So you have found kindred spirits who aren't going to just mmmm-hmmm you. [/QUOTE]
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