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Parent Emeritus
At the end of my rope and just lost...
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 630099" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>I agree with those that say contracts don't work with difficult children. They will sign them with no intention of following through with the rules. In our case, our difficult child threw the rules back in our faces. She would say, "You are really going to through out your daughter because of a messy room?" which of course does sound ridiculous unless you know the story behind it.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child's total lack of motivation sounds drug related to me. The selling of his possessions certainly was drug related. Do you really think he just stopped when he moved home?</p><p></p><p>Yes, depression may be part of this but you said he refuses to take medications for it. So what are you supposed to do? Have him lay around your house doing nothing to help himself for the next 50 years?</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is very young and it doesn't sound like you are ready to cut him off which is very understandable. It took my husband and I years to be able to see things for what they really are and we are still very much in the process of setting boundaries for ourselves. I agree with MWM that Codependent No More is an excellent book.</p><p></p><p>So in the meantime, stick to your end of the contract and see what happens. I certainly wouldn't be giving him $20 to go out with friends. My answer would have been to get a job. For all you know, you paid for his drugs that night which I know is hard to hear. The first time a counselor told us that we weren't doing our difficult child any favors by letting her live with us expense free really opened my eyes. She was working part time and her money was going for drugs. It was the first time that I realized that my husband and I were enabling her addiction.</p><p></p><p>{{{Hugs}}}</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 630099, member: 1967"] I agree with those that say contracts don't work with difficult children. They will sign them with no intention of following through with the rules. In our case, our difficult child threw the rules back in our faces. She would say, "You are really going to through out your daughter because of a messy room?" which of course does sound ridiculous unless you know the story behind it. Your difficult child's total lack of motivation sounds drug related to me. The selling of his possessions certainly was drug related. Do you really think he just stopped when he moved home? Yes, depression may be part of this but you said he refuses to take medications for it. So what are you supposed to do? Have him lay around your house doing nothing to help himself for the next 50 years? Your difficult child is very young and it doesn't sound like you are ready to cut him off which is very understandable. It took my husband and I years to be able to see things for what they really are and we are still very much in the process of setting boundaries for ourselves. I agree with MWM that Codependent No More is an excellent book. So in the meantime, stick to your end of the contract and see what happens. I certainly wouldn't be giving him $20 to go out with friends. My answer would have been to get a job. For all you know, you paid for his drugs that night which I know is hard to hear. The first time a counselor told us that we weren't doing our difficult child any favors by letting her live with us expense free really opened my eyes. She was working part time and her money was going for drugs. It was the first time that I realized that my husband and I were enabling her addiction. {{{Hugs}}} ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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At the end of my rope and just lost...
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