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At the end of my rope and just lost...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 630753" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Lil,</p><p></p><p>Oh I have been where you are and it is very hard. First off your son clearly has a drug problem, given the amount and how often he has stolen from you. You really cant ignore that fact.</p><p></p><p>We did kick my son out of the house when he was 18. We also had a very simple list of rules that were completely reasonable, and would be true at any home, that he was flagrantly violating. What I realized at the time is what lessons was I teaching him by letting him continue to live in my home, flagrantly violating the rules? He was learning that you can break rules, be totally disrespectful and get away with it!!! Those were not the lessons I wanted him to learn because it is not the way the world works. In society if you behave like that you get arrested and go to jail!!!!</p><p></p><p>It is very unlikely your son will get clean and get his life together if you continue to let him get away with all of this behavior. And in the process you are treated terribly by him, feel all the angst and tension in your home, and he steals your possessions. That is no way to live.</p><p></p><p>Now I wish I could say we kicked my son out, he got his life together and he is doing wonderfully. That is not the case. My son did spend some time homeless.... and that is truly awful for a mother. It was probably the worst time for me. However my son learned how to survive on the streets. My son has also been in jail and is at this moment. Although to be honest the justice system has been good for him, although he would not say that. It ended up getting him into drug court, and they are now finding help for him and the onus is off of us. And my son is still alive which says a lot.</p><p></p><p>Really giving a drug using chlid money is the ultimate in enabling them. I understand the wish to help them, the excuses, all of it. I have done it too. But drugs can kill and enabling them to use does not help them.</p><p></p><p>Your son may be depressed but really it is hard to tell if he is using drugs. It is hard to tell anything really while they are using. And given the amount of stealing he has done, my guess is he is doing stuff besides pot. Most kids will admit to pot, but there is often more going on.</p><p></p><p>Take a look at the substance abuse forum if you haven;t already, several of us hang out over there.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 630753, member: 15801"] Hi Lil, Oh I have been where you are and it is very hard. First off your son clearly has a drug problem, given the amount and how often he has stolen from you. You really cant ignore that fact. We did kick my son out of the house when he was 18. We also had a very simple list of rules that were completely reasonable, and would be true at any home, that he was flagrantly violating. What I realized at the time is what lessons was I teaching him by letting him continue to live in my home, flagrantly violating the rules? He was learning that you can break rules, be totally disrespectful and get away with it!!! Those were not the lessons I wanted him to learn because it is not the way the world works. In society if you behave like that you get arrested and go to jail!!!! It is very unlikely your son will get clean and get his life together if you continue to let him get away with all of this behavior. And in the process you are treated terribly by him, feel all the angst and tension in your home, and he steals your possessions. That is no way to live. Now I wish I could say we kicked my son out, he got his life together and he is doing wonderfully. That is not the case. My son did spend some time homeless.... and that is truly awful for a mother. It was probably the worst time for me. However my son learned how to survive on the streets. My son has also been in jail and is at this moment. Although to be honest the justice system has been good for him, although he would not say that. It ended up getting him into drug court, and they are now finding help for him and the onus is off of us. And my son is still alive which says a lot. Really giving a drug using chlid money is the ultimate in enabling them. I understand the wish to help them, the excuses, all of it. I have done it too. But drugs can kill and enabling them to use does not help them. Your son may be depressed but really it is hard to tell if he is using drugs. It is hard to tell anything really while they are using. And given the amount of stealing he has done, my guess is he is doing stuff besides pot. Most kids will admit to pot, but there is often more going on. Take a look at the substance abuse forum if you haven;t already, several of us hang out over there. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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