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At the end of my rope, ready to pop a vein in my forehead
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 338662" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Farmy, </p><p></p><p>Okay a few things.....first of all captain flip-flop would have gotten a lesson in civility from MY biker fiance. I always love how women come into our home and think immediately that I'm a yutz and he's a "womanizer" because he's a biker and they will just swoon him with a few batts of the eyes. Nothing could be farther from that. What happens usually? He ends up telling them how immodest and embarrassing they are and that they either need to shape up and respect the woman of the house or leave. We share a home, not each other. Kapish? </p><p></p><p>As far as her being this 'yippity yap' here's my problems? My body language would have changed. Sit straight, not defeated. Arms crossed -left over right - over your chest, at the edge of the couch, possibly one leg higher than the other and make direct eye contact. Then in a rather stern voice after she lets the conversation lag "I mean you no offense, but I rather thought you were here to discuss our problems, not yours. If you need counseling for your problems I have no suggestions as you were sent here as a help for our family, NOT the other way around. Can we continue or do we need to call someone else, and I would appreciate it if you could limit the interruptions - YOU are making me feel like we don't matter. Again - if you can't fulfill your obligation, let's just shut this down for tonight and reschedule with someone else. No hard feelings because I'm serious about getting help for my family." </p><p></p><p>DO NOT THINK I HAVE NOT SAID IT. I have...and people have left my home. Fine---they weren't serious enough to help. I asked them to leave. I finally got serious people. </p><p></p><p>Also....and love me/hate me....I do care. This is for your own good. (okay here goes) RELAX. Breathe. There is NO quick fix. There is no magic cure. There is no hospital stay that will do "it". There is no pill that will change him. There is no therapist that has the right answer today. There is nothing that you will do right today, there is nothing that you will do wrong today as a parent. He's got a mental /emotional disorder. It's staying. It's here....you can't erase it. You can't put him there, and it's gone. I say this because I care....but time and time again in your posts I feel your heart breaking because you get so excited over "THE THING". THen the "NO, no this wasn't it." then "THE THING." and honey, it's breaking my heart to watch you. YOU don't understand how he can go from nice to ugly then nice to ugly repeat. Neither does he to a point. Imagine being him. Some of it? Yeah some of it he may be able to get help with - but....BUT this thing this "THE THING" he has? It's here to stay. It won't get fixed by next week, next year or maybe even in 10 years. </p><p></p><p>With intense therapy, hospitals, doctors and 65 medications, us going to family therapy, and doing a billion things? MY family is just barely getting by and it's still iffy. Dude is 19. The biggest difference for me? I didn't give up hope, but I stopped thinking there was a cure, or a time limit on him getting well. I pray for maturity...I pray for common sense...hard knocks (and believe me those don't count for much considering what this kid has done to himself) and you have to KNOW any "normal thinking" kid would go - OMG jail time----prison time? NOT ME....and my kid looks at it and says...meh..no big deal, I don't care. THAT is not normal. But he means it. How do you reason with that? ---ya don't. So YOU (Mom) learn to detach, and deal in a manner that allows you to STOP thinking there is a magic something that will fix this insanity. Otherwise you'll end up like I did having a stroke at 42ish. A real one. </p><p></p><p>He's going to get older.....YOU can get off the rollercoaster. Give yourself that. It hurts, it's hard, and the help that you're getting now? WOW....what a stretch to call it help huh? SO what do you do? BE THE WARRIOR MOM and don't let THEM walk on you. You don't need the stress of little miss flip flop in your house. The next time she comes? You don't want her there? SHUT THE FLIPPIN DOOR. You think she's flirting with your husband? ASK HIM to tell her to leave. If you keep her and she keeps talking about herself? TELL HER TO SHUT UP OR GO HOME. You're not her parents....and TELL HER - YOU DON'T CARE HOW THEY DO IT AT THE Residential Treatment Center (RTC). YOU HAVE HECK ON EARTH IN YOUR HOME. BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL. AND .....</p><p></p><p>NO......an infant will not grow up normal in a chaotic home.....(idiot) it can....possible, but there is the possibility for that child to grow up stressed out. Call your Dad ask him. I'd ask him if there is any strings he can pull to get your son in some kind of placement SOMEWHERE...YOU need a break. </p><p></p><p>I'm sending you 1/2 of my moxi kiddo.....(hands smile too) </p><p></p><p>WE ARE BEHIND YOU!!!!</p><p>HUGS & LOVE </p><p>STar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 338662, member: 4964"] Farmy, Okay a few things.....first of all captain flip-flop would have gotten a lesson in civility from MY biker fiance. I always love how women come into our home and think immediately that I'm a yutz and he's a "womanizer" because he's a biker and they will just swoon him with a few batts of the eyes. Nothing could be farther from that. What happens usually? He ends up telling them how immodest and embarrassing they are and that they either need to shape up and respect the woman of the house or leave. We share a home, not each other. Kapish? As far as her being this 'yippity yap' here's my problems? My body language would have changed. Sit straight, not defeated. Arms crossed -left over right - over your chest, at the edge of the couch, possibly one leg higher than the other and make direct eye contact. Then in a rather stern voice after she lets the conversation lag "I mean you no offense, but I rather thought you were here to discuss our problems, not yours. If you need counseling for your problems I have no suggestions as you were sent here as a help for our family, NOT the other way around. Can we continue or do we need to call someone else, and I would appreciate it if you could limit the interruptions - YOU are making me feel like we don't matter. Again - if you can't fulfill your obligation, let's just shut this down for tonight and reschedule with someone else. No hard feelings because I'm serious about getting help for my family." DO NOT THINK I HAVE NOT SAID IT. I have...and people have left my home. Fine---they weren't serious enough to help. I asked them to leave. I finally got serious people. Also....and love me/hate me....I do care. This is for your own good. (okay here goes) RELAX. Breathe. There is NO quick fix. There is no magic cure. There is no hospital stay that will do "it". There is no pill that will change him. There is no therapist that has the right answer today. There is nothing that you will do right today, there is nothing that you will do wrong today as a parent. He's got a mental /emotional disorder. It's staying. It's here....you can't erase it. You can't put him there, and it's gone. I say this because I care....but time and time again in your posts I feel your heart breaking because you get so excited over "THE THING". THen the "NO, no this wasn't it." then "THE THING." and honey, it's breaking my heart to watch you. YOU don't understand how he can go from nice to ugly then nice to ugly repeat. Neither does he to a point. Imagine being him. Some of it? Yeah some of it he may be able to get help with - but....BUT this thing this "THE THING" he has? It's here to stay. It won't get fixed by next week, next year or maybe even in 10 years. With intense therapy, hospitals, doctors and 65 medications, us going to family therapy, and doing a billion things? MY family is just barely getting by and it's still iffy. Dude is 19. The biggest difference for me? I didn't give up hope, but I stopped thinking there was a cure, or a time limit on him getting well. I pray for maturity...I pray for common sense...hard knocks (and believe me those don't count for much considering what this kid has done to himself) and you have to KNOW any "normal thinking" kid would go - OMG jail time----prison time? NOT ME....and my kid looks at it and says...meh..no big deal, I don't care. THAT is not normal. But he means it. How do you reason with that? ---ya don't. So YOU (Mom) learn to detach, and deal in a manner that allows you to STOP thinking there is a magic something that will fix this insanity. Otherwise you'll end up like I did having a stroke at 42ish. A real one. He's going to get older.....YOU can get off the rollercoaster. Give yourself that. It hurts, it's hard, and the help that you're getting now? WOW....what a stretch to call it help huh? SO what do you do? BE THE WARRIOR MOM and don't let THEM walk on you. You don't need the stress of little miss flip flop in your house. The next time she comes? You don't want her there? SHUT THE FLIPPIN DOOR. You think she's flirting with your husband? ASK HIM to tell her to leave. If you keep her and she keeps talking about herself? TELL HER TO SHUT UP OR GO HOME. You're not her parents....and TELL HER - YOU DON'T CARE HOW THEY DO IT AT THE Residential Treatment Center (RTC). YOU HAVE HECK ON EARTH IN YOUR HOME. BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL. AND ..... NO......an infant will not grow up normal in a chaotic home.....(idiot) it can....possible, but there is the possibility for that child to grow up stressed out. Call your Dad ask him. I'd ask him if there is any strings he can pull to get your son in some kind of placement SOMEWHERE...YOU need a break. I'm sending you 1/2 of my moxi kiddo.....(hands smile too) WE ARE BEHIND YOU!!!! HUGS & LOVE STar [/QUOTE]
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