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At the end of the line.... don't know where to turn
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378983" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Hi there, sorry I haven't seen your other posts, I tend to hang out in watercooler mostly these days. There are only a few members here in Canada, and particularly in Ontario. I wanted to say hello from a fellow Ontarian. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry your family is having such difficulties. And I definitely relate to the long waits for OHIP covered insurance. All services were either covered that way for my difficult child, or via the school. I know the waits can be astonishingly long. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad that CHEO is working with your family. Our local equivelant (I'm in northern Ontario) was the first place that my difficult child was referred when he was about 4 I believe, and we received counselling services there. Sometimes it felt more like it was me as a parent getting help more than my difficult child, simply because my difficult child really didnt' want to participate. One thing that the counsellors there taught me very early on was a safe way to restrain my difficult child at that age, when he was behaving dangerously to himself or to others (usually to me!). It was a lifesaver in the early years. It not only offered me a safe way to prevent injury to him or myself, but it also proved to be a effective way of minimizing what was for us previously a hour or two meltdown into a much shorter one. It had the added affect of having a reassuring approach for difficult child. He'd fight me every time when I'd first get him into the "hold", but once he'd realized I had a good hold and wasn't doing it in anger but in a theraputic approach, it usually actually helped sooth him and calm him. Took the wind out of his sails so to speak. Perhaps you could speak with your therapist about working with you to learn the safe way to restrain him (It's a from behind hug/hold type restraint that doesn't hurt difficult child, doesn't give him a way to hurt others, and once you've got a good grasp it's pretty hard for them to get out of it). It not only helped difficult child calm quicker, I found I was so grateful for a tool to stop his rages, that it became easier to remain calm instead of my normal feeling of frustration, anger, at my wits end feeling etc.</p><p></p><p>There are very few cities with actual psychiatrists for children in Ontario. If you do have one available in your area I'm happy for you! In most areas, including here, there is a pediatrician offering childrens mental health services. They of course specialize in children like ours, but I found it annoying to not have a doctor trained in child psychology and psychiatry. I did discover that most local childrens mental health agencies (like the one you are involved in) are hooked up with the Algoma Hospital in Sudbury. It can be a pain to travel for a consult etc but the program is sort of the gold standard for families who are at the end of their rope with aggression etc. Algoma also has a program to connect counselling agencies such as the one you are using, utilizing a video conferencing room at your local agency where you already have services. They have a special conference room and normally present would be any therapist or case manager involved at the counselling agency, yourself and spouse, often a Special Education coordinator from your childs school, sometimes a family doctor if they are active in working with your difficult child, and representatives from any other agencies assisting your family (CAS if there is a contact already for possible theraputic foster care placement etc, which I've been through with my son if you ever want to PM me about that). This conferencing to the docs at Algoma can be a huge stepping stone to true help. Algoma offers a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as well. They also have a program that is one of a kind in Ontario and is multi-purpose. First they get to observe your difficult child over a longer period directly interacting with you and your family. This can help them decide if some medications might help and what possible diagnosis might be out there. What happens is usually you have a video conference. Then they set you up with their "family lodge" program. Basically you and your family (difficult child, spouse if one, siblings) go stay there for a full week. it is on hospital property but it is a "family home". They use the week to observe you and your family and come up with concrete approaches to help based on your difficult child as a individual and on your family dynamic. It is an award winning program and one I would definitely recommend looking into. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how other areas of the province work regarding Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I know for difficult child, they wouldn't even consider it until minimum of age 9-10, simply because they felt children of younger ages would be unable to understand removal from the home, and were considered too young to truly get all they could out of the treatment out of the home full time approach. Now that being said, it could be a local to me thing and be different where you are. What kind of support has the school offered? Even without a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, the school absolutely can do a IPRC hearing (identification and placement review committee) and designate your son special needs under the "behaviour" umbrella. It is quite simple and much easier to do at the beginning of the school year (each susequent year it is just granted unless they are notified the child no longer requires the designation). Separate from the psychiatrist route, the school is often the quickest to get some testing going> Which can really help to bring the assessments along to a psychiatrist when you can finally get in. It can help therapists as well to understand your difficult child better. Because each school board has their own agency to provide in school services, it isn't a lengthy process to get the testing done. They will send in physio and occupational therapists. It can help build your son a individual education plan (IEP) for the school to follow, a huge help to your son and a huge help to your teacher. They will rule in or out any learning or developmental (physical) delays. They can identify areas of difficulty (transitioning between activities, how to keep your difficult child to task, what triggers frustration etc) which allows the school and you to develop guidelines for the teacher to follow to allow your difficult child to succeed more in the classroom. The bonus is that most kids enjoy the testing and working with the therapists (most continue to see children with IEP's to some degree even if just once or twice a year). </p><p></p><p>If you can possibly get some of these things on track, you may be able to ward off that awful feeling of waiting for a ridiculous length of time for the referal to a psychiatrist etc to go through. </p><p></p><p>Once you have a IEP in place at school, you will have a much more capable staff approach at school to help avoid needless aggravation for your difficult child leading to school outbursts. It will help the teachers and other staff understand your son isn't just a "brat", he's a child struggling and with unique approaches to handle problems as they arise. </p><p></p><p>Again, welcome to the board although I'm sorry you needed to seek out this type of support to begin with. We all do relate though to the overwhelming feeling with young children showing problems and running low on "parent fuel" to keep up with our demanding and challenging kids. Feel free to pm me anytime. I'll try to keep my eye on the general forum more often as well to look for posts if you make them. </p><p></p><p>Melissa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378983, member: 4264"] Hi there, sorry I haven't seen your other posts, I tend to hang out in watercooler mostly these days. There are only a few members here in Canada, and particularly in Ontario. I wanted to say hello from a fellow Ontarian. I'm so sorry your family is having such difficulties. And I definitely relate to the long waits for OHIP covered insurance. All services were either covered that way for my difficult child, or via the school. I know the waits can be astonishingly long. I'm glad that CHEO is working with your family. Our local equivelant (I'm in northern Ontario) was the first place that my difficult child was referred when he was about 4 I believe, and we received counselling services there. Sometimes it felt more like it was me as a parent getting help more than my difficult child, simply because my difficult child really didnt' want to participate. One thing that the counsellors there taught me very early on was a safe way to restrain my difficult child at that age, when he was behaving dangerously to himself or to others (usually to me!). It was a lifesaver in the early years. It not only offered me a safe way to prevent injury to him or myself, but it also proved to be a effective way of minimizing what was for us previously a hour or two meltdown into a much shorter one. It had the added affect of having a reassuring approach for difficult child. He'd fight me every time when I'd first get him into the "hold", but once he'd realized I had a good hold and wasn't doing it in anger but in a theraputic approach, it usually actually helped sooth him and calm him. Took the wind out of his sails so to speak. Perhaps you could speak with your therapist about working with you to learn the safe way to restrain him (It's a from behind hug/hold type restraint that doesn't hurt difficult child, doesn't give him a way to hurt others, and once you've got a good grasp it's pretty hard for them to get out of it). It not only helped difficult child calm quicker, I found I was so grateful for a tool to stop his rages, that it became easier to remain calm instead of my normal feeling of frustration, anger, at my wits end feeling etc. There are very few cities with actual psychiatrists for children in Ontario. If you do have one available in your area I'm happy for you! In most areas, including here, there is a pediatrician offering childrens mental health services. They of course specialize in children like ours, but I found it annoying to not have a doctor trained in child psychology and psychiatry. I did discover that most local childrens mental health agencies (like the one you are involved in) are hooked up with the Algoma Hospital in Sudbury. It can be a pain to travel for a consult etc but the program is sort of the gold standard for families who are at the end of their rope with aggression etc. Algoma also has a program to connect counselling agencies such as the one you are using, utilizing a video conferencing room at your local agency where you already have services. They have a special conference room and normally present would be any therapist or case manager involved at the counselling agency, yourself and spouse, often a Special Education coordinator from your childs school, sometimes a family doctor if they are active in working with your difficult child, and representatives from any other agencies assisting your family (CAS if there is a contact already for possible theraputic foster care placement etc, which I've been through with my son if you ever want to PM me about that). This conferencing to the docs at Algoma can be a huge stepping stone to true help. Algoma offers a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as well. They also have a program that is one of a kind in Ontario and is multi-purpose. First they get to observe your difficult child over a longer period directly interacting with you and your family. This can help them decide if some medications might help and what possible diagnosis might be out there. What happens is usually you have a video conference. Then they set you up with their "family lodge" program. Basically you and your family (difficult child, spouse if one, siblings) go stay there for a full week. it is on hospital property but it is a "family home". They use the week to observe you and your family and come up with concrete approaches to help based on your difficult child as a individual and on your family dynamic. It is an award winning program and one I would definitely recommend looking into. I don't know how other areas of the province work regarding Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I know for difficult child, they wouldn't even consider it until minimum of age 9-10, simply because they felt children of younger ages would be unable to understand removal from the home, and were considered too young to truly get all they could out of the treatment out of the home full time approach. Now that being said, it could be a local to me thing and be different where you are. What kind of support has the school offered? Even without a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, the school absolutely can do a IPRC hearing (identification and placement review committee) and designate your son special needs under the "behaviour" umbrella. It is quite simple and much easier to do at the beginning of the school year (each susequent year it is just granted unless they are notified the child no longer requires the designation). Separate from the psychiatrist route, the school is often the quickest to get some testing going> Which can really help to bring the assessments along to a psychiatrist when you can finally get in. It can help therapists as well to understand your difficult child better. Because each school board has their own agency to provide in school services, it isn't a lengthy process to get the testing done. They will send in physio and occupational therapists. It can help build your son a individual education plan (IEP) for the school to follow, a huge help to your son and a huge help to your teacher. They will rule in or out any learning or developmental (physical) delays. They can identify areas of difficulty (transitioning between activities, how to keep your difficult child to task, what triggers frustration etc) which allows the school and you to develop guidelines for the teacher to follow to allow your difficult child to succeed more in the classroom. The bonus is that most kids enjoy the testing and working with the therapists (most continue to see children with IEP's to some degree even if just once or twice a year). If you can possibly get some of these things on track, you may be able to ward off that awful feeling of waiting for a ridiculous length of time for the referal to a psychiatrist etc to go through. Once you have a IEP in place at school, you will have a much more capable staff approach at school to help avoid needless aggravation for your difficult child leading to school outbursts. It will help the teachers and other staff understand your son isn't just a "brat", he's a child struggling and with unique approaches to handle problems as they arise. Again, welcome to the board although I'm sorry you needed to seek out this type of support to begin with. We all do relate though to the overwhelming feeling with young children showing problems and running low on "parent fuel" to keep up with our demanding and challenging kids. Feel free to pm me anytime. I'll try to keep my eye on the general forum more often as well to look for posts if you make them. Melissa [/QUOTE]
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