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General Parenting
At wits end...what are my options?
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<blockquote data-quote="Where to now?" data-source="post: 726464" data-attributes="member: 22679"><p>Thanks for your response Susie and I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I did start keeping a diary of my experiences with her and used detailed accounts from it to get her into residential. Of course barely 3 weeks later now she's back thanks to the insurance company. </p><p></p><p>I have involved the police by calling 911 twice to have her taken to the mental hospital. The last time she was taken to the mental hospital handcuffed in a police car. Nothing seems to get through to her. I don't think she can be scared straight, unfortunately. It's sad that hoping she'll do something that I could get her arrested for is actually starting to seem like an option. I saw a petition against for-profit juvenile detention in my state and my first thought was--this exists? How do I get her into it? I am opposed to for-profit prisons so this tells you what my mental state is. Mostly the stuff she does is not something that's actually a crime as although the men are adults a 5 year age gap is legal in my state for sex. Her theft is petty shoplifting or forging a check for $31 or something. In my experience calling the police for unrelated petty crimes I find they're uninterested.</p><p></p><p>I'd been wondering about the CHINS possibilities so thanks for that. I just looked up my state website. Looking at the relevant statute it looks like they will send social workers to my house to talk to us and then bill me for it. In your situation there was an imminent threat to life and limb and I don't have that to get anyone excited. I fully understand the dangers to myself from her sex activities and social workers at the mental hospital have made that clear (with vivid local examples) to her but she just doesn't care. I may call them and talk about the options for an "ungovernable youth" but I'm not too optimistic that we would get us anything more than another motivational speech.</p><p></p><p>I'm not even sure that paid residential treatment facilities will take her as she is suicidal and probably quite capable of killing herself and that seems to be a no-no for everywhere (I have just spent hours online looking). </p><p></p><p>I've begged her father to take her but he won't. His uncaring attitude is likely one source of her issues to begin with. Also, he lives in NYC so that would give her many opportunities to find trouble.</p><p></p><p>I will look into the Love and Logic books. I've already taken away every possible privilege so short of locking her in a dog crate (don't worry, I won't!) I don't really have anywhere to go with consequences.</p><p></p><p>I 100% agree about birth control. The pill made her even crazier so I need to get something non-hormonal and long-term arranged asap.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to sound so hopeless and I do appreciate the feedback and shared wisdom. In my case I suspect that what she's doing is not scary enough to get us real help.</p><p></p><p>If I could find a cheap residential program--preferably in the wilds of Alaska--to send her to until she turns 18 that would be ideal. It would have to be one that takes people with a mental health diagnosis, though, which seems to rule out nearly all of them. And most are for boys only. I wish I could find a way to actually help her but right now that feels hopeless. She is going to her 6 hour Partial Hospitalization therapy today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Where to now?, post: 726464, member: 22679"] Thanks for your response Susie and I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I did start keeping a diary of my experiences with her and used detailed accounts from it to get her into residential. Of course barely 3 weeks later now she's back thanks to the insurance company. I have involved the police by calling 911 twice to have her taken to the mental hospital. The last time she was taken to the mental hospital handcuffed in a police car. Nothing seems to get through to her. I don't think she can be scared straight, unfortunately. It's sad that hoping she'll do something that I could get her arrested for is actually starting to seem like an option. I saw a petition against for-profit juvenile detention in my state and my first thought was--this exists? How do I get her into it? I am opposed to for-profit prisons so this tells you what my mental state is. Mostly the stuff she does is not something that's actually a crime as although the men are adults a 5 year age gap is legal in my state for sex. Her theft is petty shoplifting or forging a check for $31 or something. In my experience calling the police for unrelated petty crimes I find they're uninterested. I'd been wondering about the CHINS possibilities so thanks for that. I just looked up my state website. Looking at the relevant statute it looks like they will send social workers to my house to talk to us and then bill me for it. In your situation there was an imminent threat to life and limb and I don't have that to get anyone excited. I fully understand the dangers to myself from her sex activities and social workers at the mental hospital have made that clear (with vivid local examples) to her but she just doesn't care. I may call them and talk about the options for an "ungovernable youth" but I'm not too optimistic that we would get us anything more than another motivational speech. I'm not even sure that paid residential treatment facilities will take her as she is suicidal and probably quite capable of killing herself and that seems to be a no-no for everywhere (I have just spent hours online looking). I've begged her father to take her but he won't. His uncaring attitude is likely one source of her issues to begin with. Also, he lives in NYC so that would give her many opportunities to find trouble. I will look into the Love and Logic books. I've already taken away every possible privilege so short of locking her in a dog crate (don't worry, I won't!) I don't really have anywhere to go with consequences. I 100% agree about birth control. The pill made her even crazier so I need to get something non-hormonal and long-term arranged asap. I'm sorry to sound so hopeless and I do appreciate the feedback and shared wisdom. In my case I suspect that what she's doing is not scary enough to get us real help. If I could find a cheap residential program--preferably in the wilds of Alaska--to send her to until she turns 18 that would be ideal. It would have to be one that takes people with a mental health diagnosis, though, which seems to rule out nearly all of them. And most are for boys only. I wish I could find a way to actually help her but right now that feels hopeless. She is going to her 6 hour Partial Hospitalization therapy today. [/QUOTE]
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