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General Parenting
At wits end...what are my options?
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<blockquote data-quote="Unhappymom" data-source="post: 726576" data-attributes="member: 22591"><p>I am so sorry to read about your issues. I have dealt with these same problems since my son was 5 yrs old. Hes 40 now...it took years of enabling, stress and financial ruin to finally cut ties with him. Its been 3 months, so pretty recent. I am a psychiatric nurse and deal with others having these issues. You'd think i' d have all the answers....nope. My son in his teenage years, was verbally and physically abusive. He threatened to put a gun to our heads. We slept in our bedroom with the door deadbolted. He had complete control over my life and and my home. He stole from us, got kicked out of one school after the other. I called child protective services and was told hes not abused or in danger. They couldnt care any less. We had a 2 yr younger son in the home. I intervened between the two as the older one was attempting to harm him. I got pushed away and as a result fell and broke by ankle. I pressed charges on him for simple assault and he was arrested. We had peace in our home that night. When my court date came and we went before the judge FINALLY there was someone who listened to my story. He court ordered child protective services to remove him from my home.and find a placement for him. All was well, we visited him. He caused problems in each home he was sent to. At age 17 child services deposited him on my front door step. Here we go again.. not their problem anymore. </p><p>Fast forward the next 20 years. Its been money for rent, cars, food. Hes done illegal things that i dont know much about other than someone is always looking for him. With IRS, DMV and various other places looking for him he left the county....still...didnt abide by that countrys laws and was deported back to my doorstep. Passports, dental work.etc and several thousands of dollars later we flew him back "home". I have enabled this guy his whole life by never allowing him to find his own solutions to his problems....we put him through counseling, refused.medications for his explosive behavior..he is manipulative and exptremely smart. Theres always a threat of killing himself if i dont send him money. He has sucked every ounce of happiness out of me to the point he is on my mind 24/7 with worry. I cant live my own life because im too usy fighting his battles. I finally said 3.months ago thats it. He contacted me that he needed 3k for.medical treatment for a broken arm..i.cant now be responsible for his medical expenses out of pocket because he chooses to be irresponsible.and make poor decisions with his life. I blocked him on mine and his dads phone. Ive closed my facebook and messenger accounts. The saying "What you allow...will continue." Is displayed in my home to remind me every day. It was tough around the holidays not communicating with him., but he has disrespected me, used me and financially drained me. At age 64 i need to be happy, you do too. If u can get child protective services involved (you.didnt say if there was a younger child.at home) or elder abuse if a child is abusing a parent.....or.... the next time she threatens to harm herself have her taken to the local hospital for a 72 hour hold for evaluation. If she is a danger to her self or others which it appears from what youve said, she is....1 screening document and one psychiatrist is all that is needed to have her commmited (in most US states) where she will get the needed psychiatric help. I wish you well. Its not easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Unhappymom, post: 726576, member: 22591"] I am so sorry to read about your issues. I have dealt with these same problems since my son was 5 yrs old. Hes 40 now...it took years of enabling, stress and financial ruin to finally cut ties with him. Its been 3 months, so pretty recent. I am a psychiatric nurse and deal with others having these issues. You'd think i' d have all the answers....nope. My son in his teenage years, was verbally and physically abusive. He threatened to put a gun to our heads. We slept in our bedroom with the door deadbolted. He had complete control over my life and and my home. He stole from us, got kicked out of one school after the other. I called child protective services and was told hes not abused or in danger. They couldnt care any less. We had a 2 yr younger son in the home. I intervened between the two as the older one was attempting to harm him. I got pushed away and as a result fell and broke by ankle. I pressed charges on him for simple assault and he was arrested. We had peace in our home that night. When my court date came and we went before the judge FINALLY there was someone who listened to my story. He court ordered child protective services to remove him from my home.and find a placement for him. All was well, we visited him. He caused problems in each home he was sent to. At age 17 child services deposited him on my front door step. Here we go again.. not their problem anymore. Fast forward the next 20 years. Its been money for rent, cars, food. Hes done illegal things that i dont know much about other than someone is always looking for him. With IRS, DMV and various other places looking for him he left the county....still...didnt abide by that countrys laws and was deported back to my doorstep. Passports, dental work.etc and several thousands of dollars later we flew him back "home". I have enabled this guy his whole life by never allowing him to find his own solutions to his problems....we put him through counseling, refused.medications for his explosive behavior..he is manipulative and exptremely smart. Theres always a threat of killing himself if i dont send him money. He has sucked every ounce of happiness out of me to the point he is on my mind 24/7 with worry. I cant live my own life because im too usy fighting his battles. I finally said 3.months ago thats it. He contacted me that he needed 3k for.medical treatment for a broken arm..i.cant now be responsible for his medical expenses out of pocket because he chooses to be irresponsible.and make poor decisions with his life. I blocked him on mine and his dads phone. Ive closed my facebook and messenger accounts. The saying "What you allow...will continue." Is displayed in my home to remind me every day. It was tough around the holidays not communicating with him., but he has disrespected me, used me and financially drained me. At age 64 i need to be happy, you do too. If u can get child protective services involved (you.didnt say if there was a younger child.at home) or elder abuse if a child is abusing a parent.....or.... the next time she threatens to harm herself have her taken to the local hospital for a 72 hour hold for evaluation. If she is a danger to her self or others which it appears from what youve said, she is....1 screening document and one psychiatrist is all that is needed to have her commmited (in most US states) where she will get the needed psychiatric help. I wish you well. Its not easy. [/QUOTE]
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