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attachment issues? I don't know what to do anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 679700" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I have a few questions for you.</p><p></p><p>Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist or had a total assessment by a battery of testers from a university?</p><p></p><p>How old is she?</p><p>Was your pregnancy normal and alcohol and drug free? (It's ok to admit it if it was not because this could be part of the reason she may have issues). You also don't have to answer any of these questions if you don't want to.</p><p></p><p>Was she cuddled and held a lot as an infant?</p><p></p><p>Did she ever have one stable caregiver who was always there for her ?</p><p></p><p>Has s he ever been exposed to corporal punishment or any sort of abuse? Did she SEE abuse?</p><p></p><p>It is really devastating that her father is choosing his wife and new family over seeing her. If she has any attachment issues, that won't help her. Also, I'm not convinced sending her to a friends house will be good for her attachment either. I know you are stressed and need a break or help, but is sending her to yet another caregiver good for attachment? I don't think so, but you have to do what you have to do. I have adopted children so know a bit about attachment disorders and they happen when a very young child has many caregivers and no one stable parent figure and learns there is nobody he/she can trust. It usually starts in infancy. I do think a stable place to live is important. What other children come to visit you? Are they your other children?</p><p></p><p>I am also not convinced th at having a boyfriend is a good thing for her. It's just one more new person she has to adjust too and, no, I don't care how good with her he is. But again you have to live too. I think professional help for all of you would help a lot more than trying to do it yourself or use your friend to send her away yet again, even if it's to a good place. She will not feel she belongs anywhere or to anybody.</p><p></p><p>I raised kids with attachment disorder. It is not pretty. It needs to be addressed early and with intensity and with a psychologist who has a clear understanding of attachment (most do not) and you will need to probably make many lifestyle changes. If not, the results can be bad...my two attachment disordered children, who were older adoptees, do not have happy endings.</p><p></p><p>You can't undo the past. but you can try to reverse things so she has a better prognosis for the future. You came here so it seems you do want to change the way things are for this child. I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't wait. The earlier she gets help, the better the outcome. She almost sounds suicidal and you can't blame her...she needs to feel that at least one stable person loves her to death and her father has just thrown her out...JMO but I think this is way beyond what sort of diet she is eating. She needs professional help. All of you do for her sake. Will your boyfriend join you in therapy if he lives with you?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 679700, member: 1550"] Hi there. I have a few questions for you. Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist or had a total assessment by a battery of testers from a university? How old is she? Was your pregnancy normal and alcohol and drug free? (It's ok to admit it if it was not because this could be part of the reason she may have issues). You also don't have to answer any of these questions if you don't want to. Was she cuddled and held a lot as an infant? Did she ever have one stable caregiver who was always there for her ? Has s he ever been exposed to corporal punishment or any sort of abuse? Did she SEE abuse? It is really devastating that her father is choosing his wife and new family over seeing her. If she has any attachment issues, that won't help her. Also, I'm not convinced sending her to a friends house will be good for her attachment either. I know you are stressed and need a break or help, but is sending her to yet another caregiver good for attachment? I don't think so, but you have to do what you have to do. I have adopted children so know a bit about attachment disorders and they happen when a very young child has many caregivers and no one stable parent figure and learns there is nobody he/she can trust. It usually starts in infancy. I do think a stable place to live is important. What other children come to visit you? Are they your other children? I am also not convinced th at having a boyfriend is a good thing for her. It's just one more new person she has to adjust too and, no, I don't care how good with her he is. But again you have to live too. I think professional help for all of you would help a lot more than trying to do it yourself or use your friend to send her away yet again, even if it's to a good place. She will not feel she belongs anywhere or to anybody. I raised kids with attachment disorder. It is not pretty. It needs to be addressed early and with intensity and with a psychologist who has a clear understanding of attachment (most do not) and you will need to probably make many lifestyle changes. If not, the results can be bad...my two attachment disordered children, who were older adoptees, do not have happy endings. You can't undo the past. but you can try to reverse things so she has a better prognosis for the future. You came here so it seems you do want to change the way things are for this child. I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't wait. The earlier she gets help, the better the outcome. She almost sounds suicidal and you can't blame her...she needs to feel that at least one stable person loves her to death and her father has just thrown her out...JMO but I think this is way beyond what sort of diet she is eating. She needs professional help. All of you do for her sake. Will your boyfriend join you in therapy if he lives with you? [/QUOTE]
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