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Attachment Issues--Question for a friend
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 310383" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've adopted older kids, and they all have certain attachment issues. It's not uncommon for them to say they love you when they haven't bonded yet as it is a way to get things from their happy new parents and these poor kids have learned how to survive. Was she exposed to alcohol or drugs before birth? Does your friend have psychiatric history on both sides of their child's genetic tree (birthmom/birthfather?). Those things also come into play.</p><p></p><p>We were told 95 or mor %of foster kids were sexually abused either in foster care or at home, so that doesn't help and often the kids don't talk about that.</p><p></p><p>I have no experience with successfully integrating a child with attachment disorder. Our most severely unattached child came to us at 11 was so dangerous that he had to leave (this child doesn't sound as bad). I do think that with the proper attachment therapy (have they tried it?) strides can be made. But it's different when you adopt an older child than an infant (I've done both).</p><p></p><p>We also adopted a six year old from Hong Kong. He was the best kid all his life and tried very hard to love us. He is also a genuis and now a 30 year old millionaire. In the end, he married a hostile-toward-us woman and became EXTREMELY religious...such as no church I've ever been in...and we haven't seen him for four years. I think he tried very hard to love us.</p><p></p><p>Our infant adopted kids are as attached as my one biological son is.</p><p></p><p>I suggest she get her into some sort of attachment therapy right away. The earlier the better. There are no guarantees, but regular therapy just isn't enough for unattached children. I'd get a neuropsychologist evaluation first. Being detached can also be autistic spectrum disorder, which is more common with drug exposed children. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) looks a lot like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), however she may also have a touch of both.</p><p></p><p>I wish her all the luck on earth!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 310383, member: 1550"] I've adopted older kids, and they all have certain attachment issues. It's not uncommon for them to say they love you when they haven't bonded yet as it is a way to get things from their happy new parents and these poor kids have learned how to survive. Was she exposed to alcohol or drugs before birth? Does your friend have psychiatric history on both sides of their child's genetic tree (birthmom/birthfather?). Those things also come into play. We were told 95 or mor %of foster kids were sexually abused either in foster care or at home, so that doesn't help and often the kids don't talk about that. I have no experience with successfully integrating a child with attachment disorder. Our most severely unattached child came to us at 11 was so dangerous that he had to leave (this child doesn't sound as bad). I do think that with the proper attachment therapy (have they tried it?) strides can be made. But it's different when you adopt an older child than an infant (I've done both). We also adopted a six year old from Hong Kong. He was the best kid all his life and tried very hard to love us. He is also a genuis and now a 30 year old millionaire. In the end, he married a hostile-toward-us woman and became EXTREMELY religious...such as no church I've ever been in...and we haven't seen him for four years. I think he tried very hard to love us. Our infant adopted kids are as attached as my one biological son is. I suggest she get her into some sort of attachment therapy right away. The earlier the better. There are no guarantees, but regular therapy just isn't enough for unattached children. I'd get a neuropsychologist evaluation first. Being detached can also be autistic spectrum disorder, which is more common with drug exposed children. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) looks a lot like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), however she may also have a touch of both. I wish her all the luck on earth! [/QUOTE]
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