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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 326013" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Gosh, thats a tough one. Its anybodies guess I suppose would be my only way to answer that one. We never can really know what makes another tick the way they do unless they figure it out and let us in on it.</p><p>I imagine it must feel odd to have him not discussing things with you after a lifetime of turning to you in confidence and for support. I'm sorry since I imagine that must be so difficult to adjust to. On the flip, I think its terrific he is confiding to a therapist. I am of this mind about most people: a person can talk to one person, two people, a boat load of people, it really makes no different. So long as they are talking to someone who is listening and invested in helping them if they need help. And your difficult child is talking. So that is a good thing! </p><p></p><p>I will say that something popped in my head though. Again, who can really know? But ... since you've been his "go to person" and he has always talked to you, perhaps he wasn't really interested or invested in talking his private stuff on others since he did indeed have a loving mother who heard him when he needed it. Now he knows he still has that loving mother, but he knows that this place expects him to lean on someone else, and in order to keep peace in his life, to take that off your shoulders, he is doing it. perhaps in order to protect you. I'm sure he's aware of how they are pushing you to pull back.</p><p></p><p>In spite of how strange this transition might be, I think it is a terrific update. In that, he is talking to a professional who is a outside observer who can help him. And you can redefine the roll that at this age, is normally redefined. Non difficult child's usually move past that need for parents being their everything, and find their own way, while bonding a new and grown up way with their parents. For our difficult child's, that transition is far from smooth and often so delayed. Soooo ... your difficult child is growing up, whatever the reason may be. He's leaning on a professional to work on himself where it is needed, he is after all the only one who can fix himself where needed. He gets to do that, take that step to manhood, adult hood, personal responsability, while still speaking weekly to his mom who has always loved him and been there for him, without using those talks to discuss what he is doing for his own benefit. Now that time can be about your relationship with him instead. I think that's fantastic. </p><p></p><p>Heck, I doubt when difficult child or easy child move out, I'll hear from them once a week lol. I know this all hurts you horribly and frankly, I completely get it from a mom perspective. My difficult child has only ever had me. I'm still his go to person. I'll miss it when I sense him pulling away in that regard and finding new coping tools not involving me. Yet I know the bond we have, and my role for him and importance to him, is never going to change. It's firmly established. I can just tell from all your posts it is that way with you two as well.</p><p></p><p>I have to say, this post from you made me incredibly proud of your difficult child. And of you, although you have always impressed me incredibly anyhow. this just reaffirms it for me.</p><p></p><p>hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 326013, member: 4264"] Gosh, thats a tough one. Its anybodies guess I suppose would be my only way to answer that one. We never can really know what makes another tick the way they do unless they figure it out and let us in on it. I imagine it must feel odd to have him not discussing things with you after a lifetime of turning to you in confidence and for support. I'm sorry since I imagine that must be so difficult to adjust to. On the flip, I think its terrific he is confiding to a therapist. I am of this mind about most people: a person can talk to one person, two people, a boat load of people, it really makes no different. So long as they are talking to someone who is listening and invested in helping them if they need help. And your difficult child is talking. So that is a good thing! I will say that something popped in my head though. Again, who can really know? But ... since you've been his "go to person" and he has always talked to you, perhaps he wasn't really interested or invested in talking his private stuff on others since he did indeed have a loving mother who heard him when he needed it. Now he knows he still has that loving mother, but he knows that this place expects him to lean on someone else, and in order to keep peace in his life, to take that off your shoulders, he is doing it. perhaps in order to protect you. I'm sure he's aware of how they are pushing you to pull back. In spite of how strange this transition might be, I think it is a terrific update. In that, he is talking to a professional who is a outside observer who can help him. And you can redefine the roll that at this age, is normally redefined. Non difficult child's usually move past that need for parents being their everything, and find their own way, while bonding a new and grown up way with their parents. For our difficult child's, that transition is far from smooth and often so delayed. Soooo ... your difficult child is growing up, whatever the reason may be. He's leaning on a professional to work on himself where it is needed, he is after all the only one who can fix himself where needed. He gets to do that, take that step to manhood, adult hood, personal responsability, while still speaking weekly to his mom who has always loved him and been there for him, without using those talks to discuss what he is doing for his own benefit. Now that time can be about your relationship with him instead. I think that's fantastic. Heck, I doubt when difficult child or easy child move out, I'll hear from them once a week lol. I know this all hurts you horribly and frankly, I completely get it from a mom perspective. My difficult child has only ever had me. I'm still his go to person. I'll miss it when I sense him pulling away in that regard and finding new coping tools not involving me. Yet I know the bond we have, and my role for him and importance to him, is never going to change. It's firmly established. I can just tell from all your posts it is that way with you two as well. I have to say, this post from you made me incredibly proud of your difficult child. And of you, although you have always impressed me incredibly anyhow. this just reaffirms it for me. hugs! [/QUOTE]
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