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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 367706" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, the method you describe sounds harrowing. It is an important lesson for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-ish child to learn, but I would use gentler methods if at all possible. Of course, it is not always possible.</p><p></p><p>Our method is slower perhaps (I'm not so sure though; when difficult child 3 is provoked to raging, we lose a lot of progress and have to start over) but it has worked for us.</p><p></p><p>It's much the same as yor method, but e vary things less and push as close as we can to rage point, but no further. Then after we get home from the change in routine (or whatever it was) we tak about it. "We just challenged things, and we're OK. In fact, we had a new adventure, we discovered new things and when we look back, there were some fun things too. And next time we have to go to that new place or change the routine, you will remember tat we did it this time and it worked out OK."</p><p></p><p>What upsets difficult child 3 is when we get off the regular path (literally) and he worries that we are lost. Sometimes we are a little lost, and he gets upset if we don't seem to be taking it seriously. Last tie we did this, we were on the way back to Sydney from Canberra and realised (or thought we realised) we didn't have enough fuel to get to the next service station. So we saw a road sign pointing into the countryside mentioning a town we'd vaguely heard of and turned off. It was a winding country road, getting narrower and more decrepit. When we found the ton there was no fuel station; it had been shut down years earlier and the relic looked like a museum piece. Our only choice then was to continue on a back road towards Canberra again. Now, our sense of direction told us that we would eventually see a sign to Canberra, but to head back to the highway would guarantee we would run out before we got anywhere. Our only hoe was the back road. difficult child 3 was getting increasingly anxious and sarcastic; we had to stop and explain our logic. When we finally fund fuel (we found another larger town, not quite back where we had started from) we were back on the highway and we had some photos I'd taken form the car of a couple of lovely historic towns we want to go back and see. When we have time, and fuel! And difficult child 3 has the experience that we were off track but not lost, and everything was OK. Keeping everyone's cool worked best. It took effort, but he now has a better understanding which he can extrapolate to new situations. If he had raged more, the lesson would have been greatly reduced and his focus would have remained on his anger and on justifying that anger.</p><p></p><p>Every kid is different. Some can cope with my method better; some would benefit more from Terry's method.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 367706, member: 1991"] Terry, the method you describe sounds harrowing. It is an important lesson for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-ish child to learn, but I would use gentler methods if at all possible. Of course, it is not always possible. Our method is slower perhaps (I'm not so sure though; when difficult child 3 is provoked to raging, we lose a lot of progress and have to start over) but it has worked for us. It's much the same as yor method, but e vary things less and push as close as we can to rage point, but no further. Then after we get home from the change in routine (or whatever it was) we tak about it. "We just challenged things, and we're OK. In fact, we had a new adventure, we discovered new things and when we look back, there were some fun things too. And next time we have to go to that new place or change the routine, you will remember tat we did it this time and it worked out OK." What upsets difficult child 3 is when we get off the regular path (literally) and he worries that we are lost. Sometimes we are a little lost, and he gets upset if we don't seem to be taking it seriously. Last tie we did this, we were on the way back to Sydney from Canberra and realised (or thought we realised) we didn't have enough fuel to get to the next service station. So we saw a road sign pointing into the countryside mentioning a town we'd vaguely heard of and turned off. It was a winding country road, getting narrower and more decrepit. When we found the ton there was no fuel station; it had been shut down years earlier and the relic looked like a museum piece. Our only choice then was to continue on a back road towards Canberra again. Now, our sense of direction told us that we would eventually see a sign to Canberra, but to head back to the highway would guarantee we would run out before we got anywhere. Our only hoe was the back road. difficult child 3 was getting increasingly anxious and sarcastic; we had to stop and explain our logic. When we finally fund fuel (we found another larger town, not quite back where we had started from) we were back on the highway and we had some photos I'd taken form the car of a couple of lovely historic towns we want to go back and see. When we have time, and fuel! And difficult child 3 has the experience that we were off track but not lost, and everything was OK. Keeping everyone's cool worked best. It took effort, but he now has a better understanding which he can extrapolate to new situations. If he had raged more, the lesson would have been greatly reduced and his focus would have remained on his anger and on justifying that anger. Every kid is different. Some can cope with my method better; some would benefit more from Terry's method. Marg [/QUOTE]
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