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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744777" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You know, sometimes I feel I am being too tough, which is easier for me because my bad times are over and things arle peaceful. In fact my volatile early life, filled with abuse amd sadness tirned out wonderful. This can be the case for all of us.</p><p></p><p>But I have a heart for the parents here and of how hard it is to turn away even loved ones who have seriously hurt us. We always want to believe they are sorry, they feel bad, they love us, they will change.</p><p></p><p>I am older than most here and have been here longer and also have battled mental health issues of my own.and have been in many grouups (I find comfort in support groups) for those with mood disorders/anxiety, those with adopted children and those whose children have autism and also in Al Anon. You hear views of hundreds of people this way!</p><p></p><p> Right now I mentor/volunteer with other older people young people with mental illness. I have seen a lot and am cynical and not a glass half full OR empty person. I see logic first. The glass is half full AND half empty to me. You fill the glass in either direction. Things can go either way to me. I have seen thingsget muchbetter. I have heard about some suicides and drug overdoses. I have seen my autistic son become sunny, smaet and self sustaining. And I know of an innocent four year old boy, grandson of a long long term friend, who got neuroblasioma at before age two. Why????</p><p></p><p>I digress.</p><p></p><p>If somebody repeats a pattern, I believe it is likely that it will repeat over and over unless there is a lot of help and maybe even more importantly humility. "i was wrong. I truly was. Nobody caused this but me." And "I sure wish _____' had happened but it didnt so I have to accept it and do what is best for me. And I have to take this unwanted path with grace."</p><p></p><p>Easier said than done but we have all had to swallow life's problems sometimes. They need to learn to deal with disappointment and hardship too. And own up to their parts of the bad stuff.</p><p></p><p>This has been a large part of my life. I have said things I wish I could take back but I cant. I own them. They change things if you say certain words." Been there.</p><p></p><p>I have done things I have to own too. Fortunately minor things. No violence or stealing or evil. I believe there in evil...not all do. Either way I still have to own my stuff. And try not to repeat. And to be humble and remember.</p><p></p><p>We all have this need.</p><p></p><p>Our off the rails kids are different in that they say worse things than some of us ever thought about anyone. And they say it often! Out loud. Over and over. Right to us. To hurt us. They know how much we love them...the words are meant to kill our hearts.</p><p></p><p>Yet they not only dont see their words as horrid, they demand apologies and instant forgiveness. And the one horrible rant leads to more. They have no shame. This is not always just about drugs although they can co exist. Its about decency.</p><p></p><p>Or they are a fit 25 year old man who punches a 60 year old parent or stepparent and expects to be trusted, even to be allowed back at home. And dont you DARE call the police. After all, "I am your kid! If I beat you up, you better let me get away with it or you are a BAD parent!" I read this often.</p><p></p><p>Something is missing in them. Are they unintelligent? I dont think so. Are they lacking a shred of empathy? I do believe this is a part of it with some. Without empathy you are a dangerous machine waiting to explode if somebody triggers you. And you will walk away feeling like you were the one who was wronged. I've read about too much of no remorse.</p><p></p><p>Like I said, Ihave been here so long. I have read so much. I have read about parent abuse by mostly grown men all the time. And such sad mothers <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>I want parents to be safe</p><p> WE are the elders.</p><p></p><p>How many here ever hit anyone? I never did.</p><p></p><p>Why can they be violent and still act as if we shouldnt be afraid of them? That nothing has changed?</p><p></p><p>Sorry but anxiety and depression dont make one violent.</p><p></p><p>Drug use can and sometimes they were always violent.</p><p></p><p>All of us need our money too. The people who bring us here normally wont help us out.</p><p></p><p>So maybe being protective of parents makes me sound harsh.</p><p></p><p>I.am sorry if this is so.</p><p></p><p>Love and light to all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744777, member: 1550"] You know, sometimes I feel I am being too tough, which is easier for me because my bad times are over and things arle peaceful. In fact my volatile early life, filled with abuse amd sadness tirned out wonderful. This can be the case for all of us. But I have a heart for the parents here and of how hard it is to turn away even loved ones who have seriously hurt us. We always want to believe they are sorry, they feel bad, they love us, they will change. I am older than most here and have been here longer and also have battled mental health issues of my own.and have been in many grouups (I find comfort in support groups) for those with mood disorders/anxiety, those with adopted children and those whose children have autism and also in Al Anon. You hear views of hundreds of people this way! Right now I mentor/volunteer with other older people young people with mental illness. I have seen a lot and am cynical and not a glass half full OR empty person. I see logic first. The glass is half full AND half empty to me. You fill the glass in either direction. Things can go either way to me. I have seen thingsget muchbetter. I have heard about some suicides and drug overdoses. I have seen my autistic son become sunny, smaet and self sustaining. And I know of an innocent four year old boy, grandson of a long long term friend, who got neuroblasioma at before age two. Why???? I digress. If somebody repeats a pattern, I believe it is likely that it will repeat over and over unless there is a lot of help and maybe even more importantly humility. "i was wrong. I truly was. Nobody caused this but me." And "I sure wish _____' had happened but it didnt so I have to accept it and do what is best for me. And I have to take this unwanted path with grace." Easier said than done but we have all had to swallow life's problems sometimes. They need to learn to deal with disappointment and hardship too. And own up to their parts of the bad stuff. This has been a large part of my life. I have said things I wish I could take back but I cant. I own them. They change things if you say certain words." Been there. I have done things I have to own too. Fortunately minor things. No violence or stealing or evil. I believe there in evil...not all do. Either way I still have to own my stuff. And try not to repeat. And to be humble and remember. We all have this need. Our off the rails kids are different in that they say worse things than some of us ever thought about anyone. And they say it often! Out loud. Over and over. Right to us. To hurt us. They know how much we love them...the words are meant to kill our hearts. Yet they not only dont see their words as horrid, they demand apologies and instant forgiveness. And the one horrible rant leads to more. They have no shame. This is not always just about drugs although they can co exist. Its about decency. Or they are a fit 25 year old man who punches a 60 year old parent or stepparent and expects to be trusted, even to be allowed back at home. And dont you DARE call the police. After all, "I am your kid! If I beat you up, you better let me get away with it or you are a BAD parent!" I read this often. Something is missing in them. Are they unintelligent? I dont think so. Are they lacking a shred of empathy? I do believe this is a part of it with some. Without empathy you are a dangerous machine waiting to explode if somebody triggers you. And you will walk away feeling like you were the one who was wronged. I've read about too much of no remorse. Like I said, Ihave been here so long. I have read so much. I have read about parent abuse by mostly grown men all the time. And such sad mothers :( I want parents to be safe WE are the elders. How many here ever hit anyone? I never did. Why can they be violent and still act as if we shouldnt be afraid of them? That nothing has changed? Sorry but anxiety and depression dont make one violent. Drug use can and sometimes they were always violent. All of us need our money too. The people who bring us here normally wont help us out. So maybe being protective of parents makes me sound harsh. I.am sorry if this is so. Love and light to all. [/QUOTE]
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