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<blockquote data-quote="LoveTempered" data-source="post: 761947" data-attributes="member: 28752"><p>Hi Pasa-</p><p></p><p>I am new here but I have been working on firm boundaries for a long time. Another post up top suggested an anon program. Just wanted to add that the concepts from an anon program we've learned and practice imperfectly every day have saved my husband and me. </p><p></p><p>I have learned to accept that addiction /codependence /narcissism... can be like diseases that harm those around the sick person just like second-hand smoke can cause cancer. I now understand why it is hard to really detach because life with a sick person changes us and our brains. It confuses our experience of healthy ways to care for the people we love until we can end up serving their disease and not them. I am still learning how to detach with a love that is not wasted on the hungry illness that has enveloped our son. I hope and pray that you can fiercely protect the peace you have created for yourself. </p><p></p><p>I am learning to accept that only person who can help our son is our son and it has to be HIS desire to change and willingness to do the hard work to recover. Funny thing, the people who can support addicts in their recovery are not us but other addicts who have been where they have been. I am learning that we parents and family can actually make it harder for them. We do more for our kids by focusing on ourselves and practicing healthy relationships as we go. I like to think it gives them a model to shoot for instead of feeling selfish <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for all that you have endured. You describe a life now that you richly deserve. It even gives me a dose of vicarious peace to imagine you in the country enjoying life with the man you love! It's so hard to do what everyone is suggesting but YOU ARE WORTH IT! </p><p></p><p>Take care,</p><p>LT</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LoveTempered, post: 761947, member: 28752"] Hi Pasa- I am new here but I have been working on firm boundaries for a long time. Another post up top suggested an anon program. Just wanted to add that the concepts from an anon program we've learned and practice imperfectly every day have saved my husband and me. I have learned to accept that addiction /codependence /narcissism... can be like diseases that harm those around the sick person just like second-hand smoke can cause cancer. I now understand why it is hard to really detach because life with a sick person changes us and our brains. It confuses our experience of healthy ways to care for the people we love until we can end up serving their disease and not them. I am still learning how to detach with a love that is not wasted on the hungry illness that has enveloped our son. I hope and pray that you can fiercely protect the peace you have created for yourself. I am learning to accept that only person who can help our son is our son and it has to be HIS desire to change and willingness to do the hard work to recover. Funny thing, the people who can support addicts in their recovery are not us but other addicts who have been where they have been. I am learning that we parents and family can actually make it harder for them. We do more for our kids by focusing on ourselves and practicing healthy relationships as we go. I like to think it gives them a model to shoot for instead of feeling selfish :) I am so sorry for all that you have endured. You describe a life now that you richly deserve. It even gives me a dose of vicarious peace to imagine you in the country enjoying life with the man you love! It's so hard to do what everyone is suggesting but YOU ARE WORTH IT! Take care, LT [/QUOTE]
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