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Parent Emeritus
Back to the Board again after many years, son is now a raging alcoholic too!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 716363" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I am sorry. Your son is making irresponsible, horrible choices. I dont know what XYY is, but even if it contributes to his behavior, you cant be expected to help pay for his assaults on yourself and society. The car? He is an alcoholic. There is no way I would help him drive. None. When my daughter had to leave at 19 for drug abuse she got no trailer, money and certainly no transportation from us. We did not want her intoxicated death or death of others on our consciences. She walked to and from work in cold Chicago weather and quit cocaine and meth twelve years ago. Yes, she quit with no money or housing from us. We are so proud of her.</p><p></p><p>And she was only 19. She learned early that nobody would pay for her drug addiction.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying this works for everyone, but it seems, at least on this forum where I have posted for fifteen years, that this is what parents need to do before their drug abusing loved ones are motivated to quit. Also, Susie is right about not seeing our adult children as little boys and little girls. They arent. Society will treat them as the age they are.</p><p></p><p>Also dont be in denial. Having your son house sit for you was not a good idea. You have to face who he is right now so that you dont give him second and third chances to cost you grief and money. And you paid him before he did the job. Horrible idea for an alcobolic to have free money. He probably spent it on alcohol. The alcohol he used to trash your house. Never give a substance abuser cash. Ever. Stop trusting him. You cant. You need to see two solid years of sobriety, work, and kindness before you can begin to trust him. And he needs to chose to get mental health care and to comply with trearment. It is on his shoulders.</p><p></p><p>Your son will be 30 next year. It isnt young. If he is ever to get his life together, he has to do it without your money and constant worry. One day you will be gone. He needs to learn to take care of himself, even if he chooses to be homeless. There are ways to survive, eat, get shelter and live on the streets and he has to learn how, if that is his choice. You wont be around to make sure he isnt homeless when your time is up. That was always on my mind...my grown kids had to be independent of me because I wouldnt always be around. And they were!</p><p></p><p>Get him out of his car before he kills someone or himself. He can walk, ride a bike or take public transportation. How would you feel if you knew somebody else was paying for an alcoholics car insurance so that he may kill you or your loved ones when he drank and drove? Your son in a car is a tragedy waiting to happen. Sorry to be graphic, but he could kill some young mother with babies in the car. Its not just about your son and what he wants. Drunk drivers on tje road, including your son, are dangerous to all.</p><p></p><p>Please remember too that you matter. You need money for retirement. By your sons age, most grown kids are starting to worry about their aging parents. Your son is all about him. Help him HAVE to grow up. You owe him and yourself to let him go and to live a great life of your own. He needs to learn to stand alone even if he doesnt choose well.</p><p></p><p>Take care of YOU.You deserve it. Hugs! I lnow it is horrible and hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 716363, member: 1550"] Hi. I am sorry. Your son is making irresponsible, horrible choices. I dont know what XYY is, but even if it contributes to his behavior, you cant be expected to help pay for his assaults on yourself and society. The car? He is an alcoholic. There is no way I would help him drive. None. When my daughter had to leave at 19 for drug abuse she got no trailer, money and certainly no transportation from us. We did not want her intoxicated death or death of others on our consciences. She walked to and from work in cold Chicago weather and quit cocaine and meth twelve years ago. Yes, she quit with no money or housing from us. We are so proud of her. And she was only 19. She learned early that nobody would pay for her drug addiction. I am not saying this works for everyone, but it seems, at least on this forum where I have posted for fifteen years, that this is what parents need to do before their drug abusing loved ones are motivated to quit. Also, Susie is right about not seeing our adult children as little boys and little girls. They arent. Society will treat them as the age they are. Also dont be in denial. Having your son house sit for you was not a good idea. You have to face who he is right now so that you dont give him second and third chances to cost you grief and money. And you paid him before he did the job. Horrible idea for an alcobolic to have free money. He probably spent it on alcohol. The alcohol he used to trash your house. Never give a substance abuser cash. Ever. Stop trusting him. You cant. You need to see two solid years of sobriety, work, and kindness before you can begin to trust him. And he needs to chose to get mental health care and to comply with trearment. It is on his shoulders. Your son will be 30 next year. It isnt young. If he is ever to get his life together, he has to do it without your money and constant worry. One day you will be gone. He needs to learn to take care of himself, even if he chooses to be homeless. There are ways to survive, eat, get shelter and live on the streets and he has to learn how, if that is his choice. You wont be around to make sure he isnt homeless when your time is up. That was always on my mind...my grown kids had to be independent of me because I wouldnt always be around. And they were! Get him out of his car before he kills someone or himself. He can walk, ride a bike or take public transportation. How would you feel if you knew somebody else was paying for an alcoholics car insurance so that he may kill you or your loved ones when he drank and drove? Your son in a car is a tragedy waiting to happen. Sorry to be graphic, but he could kill some young mother with babies in the car. Its not just about your son and what he wants. Drunk drivers on tje road, including your son, are dangerous to all. Please remember too that you matter. You need money for retirement. By your sons age, most grown kids are starting to worry about their aging parents. Your son is all about him. Help him HAVE to grow up. You owe him and yourself to let him go and to live a great life of your own. He needs to learn to stand alone even if he doesnt choose well. Take care of YOU.You deserve it. Hugs! I lnow it is horrible and hard. [/QUOTE]
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Back to the Board again after many years, son is now a raging alcoholic too!
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