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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 135447" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>I'm in a slightly different place from you because I'm married. However, my husband works long hours, including weekends, and when he is home, I still do 99% of the child care. However, I am fortunate because I am able to get a break every now and then and have him take care of the kids while I escape...</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I don't have any relatives who will volunteer to take care of my difficult children. In all honesty, none of them want anything to do with them. My very closest friend would help me if I asked her for help, but she lives over an hour away from me, has four kids of her own (all easy child's), a stressful job, and a husband who is constantly getting laid off and having to find other sources of employment. Not only that, but she has siblings who are very needy, and I feel she spreads herself too thin already.</p><p></p><p>I used to be a very social person with lots of acquaintances and a handful of good friends, but life with difficult children wore me out for a long time. Unfortunately, I let many relationships with good people go because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into maintaining them. In hindsight, I know I NEVER should have done this. Now, I'm slowly trying to put my social life back together...</p><p></p><p>Anyway, given all of the above, I'm slowly learning who I am again as a person. I'm not just a frazzled, overworked, overtired, mother of two difficult children and a easy child. I'm slowly realizing that I need and deserve a life of my own. I do what Heather does - I carve out small bits of time just for ME. During my "ME" time, I WILL NOT deal with any difficult child issues unless it is a total emergency!!! </p><p></p><p>I also put myself first at times. Exercise has helped me tremendously. I REFUSE to give up even one work-out because my difficult children need to be watched. If my husband has to leave early on a Saturday for work, I REFUSE to get up extremely early to work out. I've resolved this by getting up when he does, making my difficult children set their alarm clocks, and have breakfast with Dad while I'm in the basement. If they don't want to get up early on a Saturday - TOO BAD!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I constantly have to deal with their poor behavior, "tantrums," neediness, etc... If I don't want to get up extra early on a Saturday so they can sleep later, too bad!!! I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT FOR THEM TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON EVER AGAIN!!!</p><p></p><p>I also think Sharon has a great point. I, too, used to be a total "neat freak." I had to have a clean house, no matter how hard it was for me to keep up with it. I learned to relax my standards as keeping my house "company clean" all the time was just too stressful. Now I try to get rid of the clutter and don't stress stuff like dust and dirty floors. I make sure the bathroom and kitchen are clean. Other than that, I know that the dust and dirty floors will be waiting for me whenever I get to them...</p><p></p><p>difficult child 2 has been throwing fits since he got home from school. He is going at it again and just made me lose my train of thought. As much as I hate to, I have to go check on him. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if what I just said makes any sense!!! I'll have to come back to this discussion at another time. WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 135447, member: 3388"] I'm in a slightly different place from you because I'm married. However, my husband works long hours, including weekends, and when he is home, I still do 99% of the child care. However, I am fortunate because I am able to get a break every now and then and have him take care of the kids while I escape... Unfortunately, I don't have any relatives who will volunteer to take care of my difficult children. In all honesty, none of them want anything to do with them. My very closest friend would help me if I asked her for help, but she lives over an hour away from me, has four kids of her own (all easy child's), a stressful job, and a husband who is constantly getting laid off and having to find other sources of employment. Not only that, but she has siblings who are very needy, and I feel she spreads herself too thin already. I used to be a very social person with lots of acquaintances and a handful of good friends, but life with difficult children wore me out for a long time. Unfortunately, I let many relationships with good people go because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into maintaining them. In hindsight, I know I NEVER should have done this. Now, I'm slowly trying to put my social life back together... Anyway, given all of the above, I'm slowly learning who I am again as a person. I'm not just a frazzled, overworked, overtired, mother of two difficult children and a easy child. I'm slowly realizing that I need and deserve a life of my own. I do what Heather does - I carve out small bits of time just for ME. During my "ME" time, I WILL NOT deal with any difficult child issues unless it is a total emergency!!! I also put myself first at times. Exercise has helped me tremendously. I REFUSE to give up even one work-out because my difficult children need to be watched. If my husband has to leave early on a Saturday for work, I REFUSE to get up extremely early to work out. I've resolved this by getting up when he does, making my difficult children set their alarm clocks, and have breakfast with Dad while I'm in the basement. If they don't want to get up early on a Saturday - TOO BAD!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I constantly have to deal with their poor behavior, "tantrums," neediness, etc... If I don't want to get up extra early on a Saturday so they can sleep later, too bad!!! I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT FOR THEM TO WIPE THEIR FEET ON EVER AGAIN!!! I also think Sharon has a great point. I, too, used to be a total "neat freak." I had to have a clean house, no matter how hard it was for me to keep up with it. I learned to relax my standards as keeping my house "company clean" all the time was just too stressful. Now I try to get rid of the clutter and don't stress stuff like dust and dirty floors. I make sure the bathroom and kitchen are clean. Other than that, I know that the dust and dirty floors will be waiting for me whenever I get to them... difficult child 2 has been throwing fits since he got home from school. He is going at it again and just made me lose my train of thought. As much as I hate to, I have to go check on him. I don't know if what I just said makes any sense!!! I'll have to come back to this discussion at another time. WFEN [/QUOTE]
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