Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Becoming involved again...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 671410" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>She is staying with friends an hour and a half away. She doesn't really want to come here, partly because she is young and its a HUGE change, partly because she has seen our son screw up their living situation time and again so is probably afraid that he will do it again and she will be even further from home. Lil has made it clear to our son that she wont let this girl be stranded and homeless here. We would give her a ride back to her fathers house. He wasn't happy with that news.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Not an option. He has broken more cell phones in the last two years that I've owned my entire life. If he wants to make calls he either needs to get a new trac phone himself or sign up for the government assistance phone, although he adamantly refuses to get the government phone because it doesn't have internet access. He really doesn't grasp the concept of beggars cant (or at least shouldn't) be choosers.</p><p></p><p>Realistically, I'm doing fine with all this. My issue is that its causing Lil stress. I have no problem with telling him to walk home, he cant live here, go to the food pantry, etc... but it tears Lil up. She is a fixer and it kills her to see our son with a problem that she can so easily fix and not go fix it. She knows from an intellectual point of view that she cant fix this. She knows that he has to learn to do these things himself. The problem is that her mommy and fixing instincts tend to override her reason. He asks me for a pack of cigarettes, I tell him to support his own habits. He asks Lil for a pack and she buys two. </p><p></p><p>Most of you should remember us looking at the little farm house about 45 minutes away? Well, it looks like its back on the market. Lil commented to me last night that we should consider another piece of bare property that is cheaper and build it up slowly while we stay in our current house. I know that this is in part due to the fact that she is skittish about spending large sums of money. But I cant help but think a good portion of this is that we would be moving away and not be in a position to help him again. Honey, I'm not trying to be mean here but when we had the possibility of getting it when he was out of town you were excited. Now, we have that possibility again and you not only hesitate but come up with options that keep us in town longer. </p><p></p><p>My biggest concern with our son right now is the distinct possibility that his new found focus is ALL because of this girl. If she comes down here and they fail and she goes home, he will be devastated. I think that he is honestly trying to change, but he's trying to do it for her, not for himself. I can tell you from personal experience that this can be a recipe for disaster. I've wondered why he came here and left here there and I think the answer is that, in order for her to stay with him, he has to prove to her that he can maintain a job and residence. Lets be honest here, over the last few months he has turned her live upside down over and over again and I'm betting that the thought of it happening again scares the hell out of her. She needs stability and, in order for them to be together, he has to prove to her that he can provide it. Not fair of her but not unreasonable either, all things considered.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 671410, member: 18238"] She is staying with friends an hour and a half away. She doesn't really want to come here, partly because she is young and its a HUGE change, partly because she has seen our son screw up their living situation time and again so is probably afraid that he will do it again and she will be even further from home. Lil has made it clear to our son that she wont let this girl be stranded and homeless here. We would give her a ride back to her fathers house. He wasn't happy with that news. Not an option. He has broken more cell phones in the last two years that I've owned my entire life. If he wants to make calls he either needs to get a new trac phone himself or sign up for the government assistance phone, although he adamantly refuses to get the government phone because it doesn't have internet access. He really doesn't grasp the concept of beggars cant (or at least shouldn't) be choosers. Realistically, I'm doing fine with all this. My issue is that its causing Lil stress. I have no problem with telling him to walk home, he cant live here, go to the food pantry, etc... but it tears Lil up. She is a fixer and it kills her to see our son with a problem that she can so easily fix and not go fix it. She knows from an intellectual point of view that she cant fix this. She knows that he has to learn to do these things himself. The problem is that her mommy and fixing instincts tend to override her reason. He asks me for a pack of cigarettes, I tell him to support his own habits. He asks Lil for a pack and she buys two. Most of you should remember us looking at the little farm house about 45 minutes away? Well, it looks like its back on the market. Lil commented to me last night that we should consider another piece of bare property that is cheaper and build it up slowly while we stay in our current house. I know that this is in part due to the fact that she is skittish about spending large sums of money. But I cant help but think a good portion of this is that we would be moving away and not be in a position to help him again. Honey, I'm not trying to be mean here but when we had the possibility of getting it when he was out of town you were excited. Now, we have that possibility again and you not only hesitate but come up with options that keep us in town longer. My biggest concern with our son right now is the distinct possibility that his new found focus is ALL because of this girl. If she comes down here and they fail and she goes home, he will be devastated. I think that he is honestly trying to change, but he's trying to do it for her, not for himself. I can tell you from personal experience that this can be a recipe for disaster. I've wondered why he came here and left here there and I think the answer is that, in order for her to stay with him, he has to prove to her that he can maintain a job and residence. Lets be honest here, over the last few months he has turned her live upside down over and over again and I'm betting that the thought of it happening again scares the hell out of her. She needs stability and, in order for them to be together, he has to prove to her that he can provide it. Not fair of her but not unreasonable either, all things considered. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Becoming involved again...
Top