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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 707887" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Lost, I'm so sorry you are going through this.</p><p></p><p>The best advice I can offer is to step back and do nothing. I know that's hard because as a mom we want to be able to go in and fix what's wrong in our children's lives but the hard truth is, we can't and we shouldn't.</p><p></p><p>It's one thing when our children are small but when they grow into adults our influence over them loses power. That's not to say that we can't still offer suggestions and advice but we need to be careful with that. Our adult kids want to live their lives on their terms and the more we try and tell them or their friends that we think they are making poor choices, the more they will dig their heels in and rebel against us.</p><p></p><p>It is quite possible that your son set you up with the ugly post in hopes that you would respond so he could block you with what in his mind is a valid reason. I can also tell you that this type of behavior is very common and also short lived. My own son has cut off communication with me more than a few times but when he gets in trouble suddenly he re-appears because he "needs" me.</p><p></p><p>One of the best things I ever did for myself was to stop seeing my adult son as the sweet little boy he once used to be. For whatever reasons our difficult adult children have changed into people we don't recognize. This is just a hard truth. As long as we continue to see them as the sweet loving little boy or girl they were, we allow ourselves to stay stuck and open ourselves up to enabling them.</p><p>Once I started seeing my son for who has <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)"><strong><u>chosen </u></strong><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0)">to be, I was better at accepting it. It doesn't mean I approve of his lifestyle or poor choices, I don't. What it does mean is I do not have any control over his life or choices. The only control I have is how I choose to respond. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000">My husband and I spent tens of thousands of dollars and many years trying to help our son. In the end, it did nothing as our son has chosen to live his life the way he wants.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Again, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I get it.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)"></span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)">((HUGS))</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)"><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 707887, member: 18516"] Hi Lost, I'm so sorry you are going through this. The best advice I can offer is to step back and do nothing. I know that's hard because as a mom we want to be able to go in and fix what's wrong in our children's lives but the hard truth is, we can't and we shouldn't. It's one thing when our children are small but when they grow into adults our influence over them loses power. That's not to say that we can't still offer suggestions and advice but we need to be careful with that. Our adult kids want to live their lives on their terms and the more we try and tell them or their friends that we think they are making poor choices, the more they will dig their heels in and rebel against us. It is quite possible that your son set you up with the ugly post in hopes that you would respond so he could block you with what in his mind is a valid reason. I can also tell you that this type of behavior is very common and also short lived. My own son has cut off communication with me more than a few times but when he gets in trouble suddenly he re-appears because he "needs" me. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to stop seeing my adult son as the sweet little boy he once used to be. For whatever reasons our difficult adult children have changed into people we don't recognize. This is just a hard truth. As long as we continue to see them as the sweet loving little boy or girl they were, we allow ourselves to stay stuck and open ourselves up to enabling them. Once I started seeing my son for who has [COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 0)][B][U]chosen [/U][/B][COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 0)]to be, I was better at accepting it. It doesn't mean I approve of his lifestyle or poor choices, I don't. What it does mean is I do not have any control over his life or choices. The only control I have is how I choose to respond. [/COLOR][/COLOR] [COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 0)][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]My husband and I spent tens of thousands of dollars and many years trying to help our son. In the end, it did nothing as our son has chosen to live his life the way he wants. Again, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I get it.[/COLOR] [COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 0)] ((HUGS)) :staystrong::notalone:[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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