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Hi,
Behavior mod and the collaborative problem solving approach - CPS - baskets etc are rather different and don't really combine.
A 12 yo is really a teenager so trying to use 'power' to control and manipulate behavior is pretty limited, ultimately it all depends how your child perceives what you are doing - praise can be perceived as stroking, manipulating , getting your child to do what you want. Limit setting can be done by reaching understandings and solving problems, working with the child rather than ' doing to' them. Here you are giving your child a voice , she feels understood , you are putting her concerns as well as yours on the table , you are being respectful.
Consistantcy is important only when you use behavior mod and making priveleges contingent on behavior. Consistantcy for me is
is focusing on communication, working together , solving problems by talking it through , solving problems by coming up with better solutions or asking for help or give and take.
Behavior mod defines the relationship between a kid and parent in economical terms , earning their attention and priveleges through good behavior.
The only time I recommend behavior mod is if the parent is sold on it and wants advice. The trick is to have only positive reinforcements , the negatives just escalate confrontation and it must be really easy to earn points or priveleges . Because it is so easy there is a snowball effect. The so called token economy system must be drawn up with input and consent of the kid.The problem is that you are relying on extrinsic motivation which impedes the development of internal motivation. And of course there are kids who see the whole thing as you trying to ' control them ' and they resist even more.
I believe that one has to step back , lower the rope, try and relax the atmosphere in the home and proactively deal with problems in their situational context and try with your child collaborate and find solutions. It is not easy and it takes time for a kid to ndevelop these skills and confidence in the system.

Allan

<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 25655" data-attributes="member: 10">Hi,Behavior mod and the collaborative problem solving approach - CPS - baskets etc are rather different and don't really combine.A 12 yo is really a teenager so trying to use 'power' to control and manipulate behavior is pretty limited, ultimately it all depends how your child perceives what you are doing - praise can be perceived as stroking, manipulating , getting your child to do what you want. Limit setting can be done by reaching understandings and solving problems, working with the child rather than ' doing to' them. Here you are giving your child a voice , she feels understood , you are putting her concerns as well as yours on the table , you are being respectful.Consistantcy is important only when you use behavior mod and making priveleges contingent on behavior. Consistantcy for me isis focusing on communication, working together , solving problems by talking it through , solving problems by coming up with better solutions or asking for help or give and take.Behavior mod defines the relationship between a kid and parent in economical terms , earning their attention and priveleges through good behavior.The only time I recommend behavior mod is if the parent is sold on it and wants advice. The trick is to have only positive reinforcements , the negatives just escalate confrontation and it must be really easy to earn points or priveleges . Because it is so easy there is a snowball effect. The so called token economy system must be drawn up with input and consent of the kid.The problem is that you are relying on extrinsic motivation which impedes the development of internal motivation. And of course there are kids who see the whole thing as you trying to ' control them ' and they resist even more.I believe that one has to step back , lower the rope, try and relax the atmosphere in the home and proactively deal with problems in their situational context and try with your child collaborate and find solutions. It is not easy and it takes time for a kid to ndevelop these skills and confidence in the system.Allan</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 25655, member: 10"] Hi, Behavior mod and the collaborative problem solving approach - CPS - baskets etc are rather different and don't really combine. A 12 yo is really a teenager so trying to use 'power' to control and manipulate behavior is pretty limited, ultimately it all depends how your child perceives what you are doing - praise can be perceived as stroking, manipulating , getting your child to do what you want. Limit setting can be done by reaching understandings and solving problems, working with the child rather than ' doing to' them. Here you are giving your child a voice , she feels understood , you are putting her concerns as well as yours on the table , you are being respectful. Consistantcy is important only when you use behavior mod and making priveleges contingent on behavior. Consistantcy for me is is focusing on communication, working together , solving problems by talking it through , solving problems by coming up with better solutions or asking for help or give and take. Behavior mod defines the relationship between a kid and parent in economical terms , earning their attention and priveleges through good behavior. The only time I recommend behavior mod is if the parent is sold on it and wants advice. The trick is to have only positive reinforcements , the negatives just escalate confrontation and it must be really easy to earn points or priveleges . Because it is so easy there is a snowball effect. The so called token economy system must be drawn up with input and consent of the kid.The problem is that you are relying on extrinsic motivation which impedes the development of internal motivation. And of course there are kids who see the whole thing as you trying to ' control them ' and they resist even more. I believe that one has to step back , lower the rope, try and relax the atmosphere in the home and proactively deal with problems in their situational context and try with your child collaborate and find solutions. It is not easy and it takes time for a kid to ndevelop these skills and confidence in the system. Allan [/QUOTE]

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