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behavioral issues with my 5 year old daughter.. please help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 607001" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Did your child witness any domestic violence? Any possibility that abuse is going on at Dad's? Does he have any shady friends? Here is a blurb about attachment problems. The whole link is listed below the blurb. You can see if it rings true or not. Nobody will know better than you do if this sounds like your child! It also offers a way of treating it as traditional methods don't work. Good luck, whatever path you walk!</p><p></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> </span>[/FONT]<strong>The attachment process can be disrupted in a number of ways, including:</strong></p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> · separation from the primary caregiver</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · trauma</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · abuse</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · unalleviated childhood illness or pain</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · divorce or loss · multiple caregivers</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · chronic maternal depression</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · neurological problems</span>[/FONT]</p> <p style="text-align: left"></p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> In many cases, a thorough history will reveal a reason for disrupted attachment. In other cases, the reasons are less clear, but the deficit in basic trust is unmistakable.</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> Issues of problematic attachment are suspect when a child shows these types of symptoms:</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · unable to comfortably tolerate closeness with caregivers,</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · motivated by material rewards but not by the intrinsic satisfaction available in healthy relationships,</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · reported by parents as having 'a behavior problem ever since s/he was a baby.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · superficiality</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · indiscriminate affection</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · clingy behaviors</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · annoyingly incessant chatter</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · lack of eye contact</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · dishonesty</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · cruelty</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · poor peer relationships</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · inappropriate demands (sometimes to the point of tantrums)</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · physical aggression</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · poor impulse control</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · poor conscience development</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-size: 12px"> · low self-esteem</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> Accurate diagnosis is crucial because some neurological syndromes masquerading as attachment disorder, carry quite different implications for treatment. Fortunately the diagnostic process has been aided in recent years by various assessment tools, behavioral checklists, and brain scan techniques.</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"><strong> Treatment: What Works, What Doesn't</strong></span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> Because these children lack the capacity for genuine relationships, relationship-based processes such as traditional therapy and parenting methods often are ineffective. The stress the children with attachment disorder create in the home environment is so great, often they require out-of-home placement.</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> Since traditional treatment approaches that aim to change or modify specific behaviors are notoriously unsuccessful with children with attachment disorder, it is more effective to deflect attention away from specific negative behaviors. It is more helpful to view the problem behavior as the child's way of keeping others at a distance, and recognize that the true problem is fear of intimacy. It is usually more useful to emphasize closeness as non-negotiable. </span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> What does it mean to say closeness is not negotiable? It means that when the child is having a hard time, s/he needs to be close so that the caregiver can help, and, if the child is having a good day, the caregiver needs to be close so as not to miss out on the fun! Non-negotiable closeness implies substituting nurture and supportive control techniques in place of punishment. Common interventions such as isolation, seclusion, or the familiar 'go to your room' are counterproductive in the treatment of attachment disorder, because these children have what is called a 'reversal of learning' in which closeness is scary and distance is safe. Therefore, isolation has exactly the opposite of its intended effect: it is gratifying or rewarding to the child.</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> This &#8216;reversal of learning' phenomenon is a primary reason why traditional treatment models generally fail to benefit children with attachment disorder. The same contingencies that will extinguish a behavior in an adequately attached child may reinforce the behavior in a child with attachment disorder. In addition, programs that rely on 'point' or 'level systems' are seldom effective, because children with attachment disorder show a remarkable ability to 'work the system' to get rewards, without internalizing any meaningful changes. Such children do better in treatment programs that minimize systems or rules, while maximizing human interaction. The needed human interaction can be maximized by requiring the child to negotiate needs and privileges directly with the caregivers.</span>[/FONT]</p><p> <p style="text-align: left">[FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]<span style="font-size: 12px"> Programs utilizing nurture and non-negotiable closeness, such as the treatment model originally developed at Forest Heights Lodge, can provide the corrective emotional experiences that help make up for the deprivations and deviations in nurture that alter attachment and subsequent development. These kinds of programs are helpful for younger children. As children reach later stages of adolescence, developing trust is still a crucial issue when working with issues of attachment. However, it becomes complicated because part of the &#8216;normal' process of adolescence involves moving beyond one's initial attachment to parents and caregivers. Yet, the development of trust is still a critical need in order to build healthy attachments. As adolescents move toward adulthood, their peers become their most important relationships. Often substance abuse becomes their way of dealing with the pain of attachment disorder. Another way adolescents try to cope with attachment disorder is to build a sense of trust and relationship with their peers through the strong bonds formed within a gang.</span>[/FONT]</p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <p style="text-align: left"><a href="http://www.strugglingteens.com/archives/2000/6/oe03.html" target="_blank">http://www.strugglingteens.com/archives/2000/6/oe03.html</a></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p><p> [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif] [/FONT]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 607001, member: 1550"] Did your child witness any domestic violence? Any possibility that abuse is going on at Dad's? Does he have any shady friends? Here is a blurb about attachment problems. The whole link is listed below the blurb. You can see if it rings true or not. Nobody will know better than you do if this sounds like your child! It also offers a way of treating it as traditional methods don't work. Good luck, whatever path you walk! [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT][B]The attachment process can be disrupted in a number of ways, including:[/B] [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] · separation from the primary caregiver · trauma · abuse · prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol · unalleviated childhood illness or pain · divorce or loss · multiple caregivers · chronic maternal depression · neurological problems[/SIZE][/FONT] [/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] In many cases, a thorough history will reveal a reason for disrupted attachment. In other cases, the reasons are less clear, but the deficit in basic trust is unmistakable.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] Issues of problematic attachment are suspect when a child shows these types of symptoms: · unable to comfortably tolerate closeness with caregivers, · motivated by material rewards but not by the intrinsic satisfaction available in healthy relationships, · reported by parents as having 'a behavior problem ever since s/he was a baby.' · superficiality · indiscriminate affection · clingy behaviors · annoyingly incessant chatter · lack of eye contact · dishonesty · cruelty · poor peer relationships · inappropriate demands (sometimes to the point of tantrums) · physical aggression · poor impulse control · poor conscience development · low self-esteem[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] Accurate diagnosis is crucial because some neurological syndromes masquerading as attachment disorder, carry quite different implications for treatment. Fortunately the diagnostic process has been aided in recent years by various assessment tools, behavioral checklists, and brain scan techniques.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3][B] Treatment: What Works, What Doesn't[/B][/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] Because these children lack the capacity for genuine relationships, relationship-based processes such as traditional therapy and parenting methods often are ineffective. The stress the children with attachment disorder create in the home environment is so great, often they require out-of-home placement.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] Since traditional treatment approaches that aim to change or modify specific behaviors are notoriously unsuccessful with children with attachment disorder, it is more effective to deflect attention away from specific negative behaviors. It is more helpful to view the problem behavior as the child's way of keeping others at a distance, and recognize that the true problem is fear of intimacy. It is usually more useful to emphasize closeness as non-negotiable. [/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] What does it mean to say closeness is not negotiable? It means that when the child is having a hard time, s/he needs to be close so that the caregiver can help, and, if the child is having a good day, the caregiver needs to be close so as not to miss out on the fun! Non-negotiable closeness implies substituting nurture and supportive control techniques in place of punishment. Common interventions such as isolation, seclusion, or the familiar 'go to your room' are counterproductive in the treatment of attachment disorder, because these children have what is called a 'reversal of learning' in which closeness is scary and distance is safe. Therefore, isolation has exactly the opposite of its intended effect: it is gratifying or rewarding to the child.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] This ‘reversal of learning' phenomenon is a primary reason why traditional treatment models generally fail to benefit children with attachment disorder. The same contingencies that will extinguish a behavior in an adequately attached child may reinforce the behavior in a child with attachment disorder. In addition, programs that rely on 'point' or 'level systems' are seldom effective, because children with attachment disorder show a remarkable ability to 'work the system' to get rewards, without internalizing any meaningful changes. Such children do better in treatment programs that minimize systems or rules, while maximizing human interaction. The needed human interaction can be maximized by requiring the child to negotiate needs and privileges directly with the caregivers.[/SIZE][/FONT][/LEFT] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] Programs utilizing nurture and non-negotiable closeness, such as the treatment model originally developed at Forest Heights Lodge, can provide the corrective emotional experiences that help make up for the deprivations and deviations in nurture that alter attachment and subsequent development. These kinds of programs are helpful for younger children. As children reach later stages of adolescence, developing trust is still a crucial issue when working with issues of attachment. However, it becomes complicated because part of the ‘normal' process of adolescence involves moving beyond one's initial attachment to parents and caregivers. Yet, the development of trust is still a critical need in order to build healthy attachments. As adolescents move toward adulthood, their peers become their most important relationships. Often substance abuse becomes their way of dealing with the pain of attachment disorder. Another way adolescents try to cope with attachment disorder is to build a sense of trust and relationship with their peers through the strong bonds formed within a gang.[/SIZE][/FONT] [url]http://www.strugglingteens.com/archives/2000/6/oe03.html[/url] [/LEFT] [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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